When the darkness comes
by malifcbfan1899
Summary: After getting hurt in a battle,Jace is facing posibility of losing sight. He can't face his state,although it maybe isn't permanent. A girl is brought from Idris to be with him until he gets better. She isn't a Shadowhunter,but she has her own special abilities. As the time passes,they grow close,so close even Jace's love for Clary comes to a test. I don't own TMI. (CoLS spoilers)
1. Darkness and pain

-Alec, behind you!-

Isabelle's scream rang out through the air. A demon with long black claws was heading towards her brother who didn't notice it due the fact he was fighting with demon who was spitting poison acid on him. He couldn't turn around in time and Isabelle was too far away to protect him.

_Damn it!_ he had only one Seraph blade in his hand. If he throws it, he will have no weapon to protect himself.

But, he had no choice. His _parabatai_ was in danger. He will find another way to protect himself. He will think of something. He always did.

He aimed the demon with claws and threw the blade. It abandoned his left hand, flew through the air and then pierced demon's chest. The demon squeaked for a moment and then vanished.

A grin appeared on his face.

_Perfect hit. As always._

But, there was no time to enjoy his victory. His gaze looked for the others.

Alec finally managed to beat the acid-spitting demon. He joined his sister in a fight against demon with yellow horns all over its body.

Next to Isabelle was Clary. Her red curls were full of sweat and dirt, but she was still the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. Her green eyes shone like stars as the adrenaline streamed through her veins. She lost her blade, but she still held a dagger in her hands. In front of her was another of those acid-spitting demons, but she avoided gallantly every "bomb" it launched.

He joined her, trying to distract the demon and to give Clary a chance to stab it.

-Hey, asshole!-he yelled towards the demon and hit it with his boot, just to be sure he got its attention.

Even though it didn't understand English, the demon turned around. It really was dumb. As soon as he had hit it with his boot, its eyes left Clary and followed him, although he was the one without weapons in his hands.

He jumped over one of the benches and dived under its rest. Park was a good battlefield. There was a lot of room, a lot of things one could use as a weapon and a lot of places one could escape to. He heard the wood crackling as the acid hit it instead of his back.

_Now, Clary._ he thought. _Just stab him. As we practiced._

He waited for a second, expecting it will be enough for her to do her job, and then glanced through what was left of the bench's rest. He was sure that now would be no demon there. He should be safe. Clary would never let him down.

Just in the second when he looked towards them, just in the second his eyes faced demon's, he felt pain.

He couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't think. Acid was burning skin on his face, making him scream. He couldn't remember the last time he had screamed in pain. He couldn't remember his own name. Everything around him was darkness and pain. His hands grabbed his face, trying to remove the acid. But, there was no use. Now his hands were burning too. He tried to wipe them against his gear, but accomplished nothing. The acid was stuck on his skin like a glue.

-Jace!-he heard voices calling his name.

But he couldn't answer. He couldn't remember how to speak. It was like he was back in Stone Age, when people hadn't had language. His strength was gone rapidly, he felt it, but could do nothing about it. He felt his feet losing balance, but his consciousness abandoned him before he hit the ground.

* * *

-Is he going to be alright?-a voice appeared suddenly.

It seemed like he had spent years in prison of silence, and now he was thrown out of it. The voice was too loud and it gave him a headache.

-I can't tell right now.-another voice spoke.

-It was a direct hit. He was really badly injured. It's practically a miracle he's alive.-

-People, we're not on a football match.-he mumbled, just wanting the voices to speak quietly. It didn't matter who they spoke about, but they could do it more silently.

But, his wish wasn't granted.

-Jace!-he heard few female voices speaking like choir.

Then he felt hands grabbing him. They tried to hug him all at once. He felt at least five hands around his neck, on his shoulders.

-Yeah, yeah, I'm alive.-he said, some of his self-confidence coming back.

-We were so worried about you!-he heard familiar voice. Isabelle's.

-We thought ... -

-That I won't make it?-he laughed.

-Really, Izzy, I thought you know me better than that. I always make it.-

She didn't answer. Alec was the next one who spoke.

-How are you feeling?-

-Except for your voices shaking my brain, I'm fine.-Jace still didn't open his eyes, but now was the time to do it. He wanted to get up from bed, to prove them he was alright, as always.

But, the darkness remained in front of his eyes, no matter how many times he blinked. He raised his left hand, wanting to rub them, but somebody grabbed his wrist.

-Don't touch it.-Magnus's voice was, as his squeeze, gentle, but determined.

-Why not?-Jace tried to rouse from his squeeze, but Magnus didn't let him go.

-Your eyes ... -he said slowly, trying to find the words.

-Acid had hit you directly in the eyes. You had burns all over your face, but they got the worst hit. I tried my best to save them.-

Jace held his breath.

_It's not possible. It's _not_ possible._

-And?-somehow, his voice remained calm. Maybe it was because he hadn't said more than one word.

It wasn't Magnus who answered. It was Clary.

-Jace, there's still hope.-her voice was less calm than his had been.

-You'll get better. Magnus says it just takes time ... -

He ignored her. He turned onto left, where he supposed Magnus was standing. His voice was the only one who seemed controlled here. He could hear the bad news only from him.

-And?-he repeated.

-I don't know if it is enough.-Magnus voice sounded almost compassionately.

-We all hope your sight will come back with time. But, I can't promise that. You, and the rest of us, have to face it; you maybe won't be able to see anymore.-


	2. Not an ordinary visitor

The New York Institute was really a sight to see. She could see statue of the Angel, big door that welcomed her, enormous walls still undamaged by rain and wind.

-C'mon, let's go inside.-a woman who brought her here called her.

She followed Maryse Lightwood into the Institute.

She had never left Alicante and its wards until now. And the sight around her didn't make her more confident about the world outside it. New York seemed so gray, so dark, compared to the Glass City. She could notice presence of the Shadow world, but not nearly as much as in Alicante. Runes could be seen on every step there, New York was, on the contrary, suffocated with mundanes and their world. She has never felt comfortable near them. She would prefer to remain in Idris, her home for twelve years, where she had been completely separated from them.

But, she had no choice. She was needed in New York. She had to help in any way she could, to show her thankfulness for everything others had done for her. She was loyal to them. And one of them needed her help.

When she and Maryse entered the Institute, she looked around. But, there was no much to see. The Institute was built on the holy ground, so it probably looked like any other church. Her gaze went back to Maryse and focused on her. If she just followed her footsteps, she won't get lost.

Maryse stopped walking. She raised her hand and made a move like she was pushing something.

-You must go with this elevator to enter the Institute.-she said.

She didn't answer. They waited for few seconds and they Maryse moved again. They entered the elevator and soon the door closed behind them.

-I have to warn you, he's having a hard time with his ... state.-Maryse said while the elevator was pulling them up.

-He might be rude, annoying, behave intolerable. But, please, be patient with him. He's not really like that. He's just ... -

-Not used not to see.-she ended Maryse's sentence almost absently.

Maryse nodded, but said nothing else. Soon the elevator stopped and they got out of it.

Maryse went towards one of the door in the corridor. She knocked gently and opened it slowly, like she was afraid something will jump out of the room.

-Jace?-her voice was gentle, like a mother's.

-Go away!-a reply was shouted immediately.

It seemed like he was crying, but she couldn't be sure. She moved a step closer, catching Maryse's glance. The woman nodded silently.

-I want to introduce you to someone.-she said and opened the door a bit more.

Suddenly, she heard a noise from the room, like something heavy had hit the door. Then the voice yelled again.

-It would be better to introduce Alec, Isabelle and Clary to that someone. I'm not a best sight right now.-sarcasm streamed through every word, except through the name "Clary". It was the only word said with affection and love.

-They are not here right now.-Maryse answered.

-And she has come from Idris to see you, not them.-

-Oh, _she_?-ironical laugh echoed the room.

-You should have told me earlier, Maryse. I'd dress up nicely and run away just to save myself from _everything's_-_gonna_-_be_-_alright_-_it's_-_not_-_the_-_end_-_of_-_the_-_world_ talks. I get enough of that from Isabelle, thank you.-

She couldn't help herself, she smiled. He was just like Maryse had described him. She knew him very well, like she actually was his real mother.

-I didn't plan to give you that kind of speech, but if you insist, I'll think of something.-she said loudly enough for him to hear.

Maryse was relieved for seeing her reaction. Obviously she was afraid that Jace's attitude would drive her away. But, he would do much better than being sarcastic to get rid of her.

Maryse pushed the door further and entered the room. She followed calmly, watching her step. At the other side of the room, lying on the bed and covered with sheets, was Jace. Maryse approached to him and removed sheet from his face.

-Jace, this is Victoria.-

-I don't care.-he replied, pulling the sheet back over his head.

-If she's not some super-mega-powerful warlock who can cure me, then I don't care.-

-I'm not a warlock, I'm afraid.-she said calmly, like she hadn't even heard his insult.

-Then get out of my room.-he said.

It was tempting for a second, but she stayed. They called her because of him. They wanted her to help him. And she will, even if he didn't want help.

-I'm sorry, but they told me I can't get out of your room until you're in a better mood.-she spoke the language of sarcasm fluently too.

-As it seems, we'll be stuck here for a long time.-

Maryse looked completely surprised by her words, but in a good way. She smiled.

-I see you two will have wonderful time.-

-Over my dead and by a demon chewed body.-Jace answered.

-Jace!-Maryse's gaze went back to him again.

She pulled the sheets from him, revealing young man under them. Victoria guessed he was somewhere about her own age. He didn't have any T-shirt on, what made her to look away from him.

She had never seen a boy naked. Boys in Idris didn't care for her. They had good reason for it, so she didn't hold it against them. But, that meant she was a loner, rarely invited to join the company. She had trained alongside other Shadowhunters, but never reached their level. And they had had no time to bother with her. They maybe had thought she was pretty. But, beauty wasn't very useful compared to fighting skills in world of Shadowhunters. And her fighting skills were poor.

Jace got up from the bed and made few steps. At first sight, the scene looked like he was drunk. His movements were insecure and clumsy. He was having hard time even to hold himself on his feet. He pushed Maryse out of his way, but it didn't even seem he had done it on purpose. He bumped into a chair that found itself on his way, but managed to grab a gray T-shirt that had lain on it before it fell on the floor. But, the second he heard the noise of chair hitting the floor, he yelled in anger.

-Fuck!-he swore.

It seemed even such an accident tore him apart. It made him even angrier. And Maryse didn't help.

-Jace, language.-she warned him.

-We have a guest.-

But, that wasn't the right time for her to object. He was already pissed off. He was already sick of his state; Victoria could see it in his every gesture.

-It's alright.-she said calmly.

-He has a good reason for his bitterness.-

-Don't you even try to pretend you know me.-Jace snapped at her at once.

He put his shirt on and it allowed her to look at him again.

-I don't.-she replied.

-I know your eyes are damaged. It's not so hard to guess you hate it. And that you are terrified because it could be permanent.-

-I'm not terrified.-he growled.

-Sure.-she said ironically, knowing he was lying.

-And you're yelling and swearing because you're true example of calmness and confrontation with your state.-

Silence filled the room. He didn't have any smart answer to her words.

She didn't take his eyes off him; regardless of the fact she was staring at his back. It could also tell her a lot. A great number of scars and few runes were visible on his neck and arms, proves what kind of fighter he was. He didn't sustain from battles; in fact, it was obvious he enjoyed his job. That, as well as slight shivering of his body, revealed how much he was scared that he will never be able to do that again. Giving up shadowhunting for him would mean to give up his life. And he couldn't face that.

-Jace.-Maryse was the one who broke the silence. Victoria was so focused on Jace she had forgotten Maryse was still there.

-Magnus said your sight maybe would come back with time. There is still a chance you'll see again. But, now you need help. That's why I asked Victoria to come here. I'm sorry, but none of us, not even Clary, can be with you all the time, no matter how much we want to.-

-What about her?-Jace pointed at Victoria, but still looked away from her.

-She's also a Shadowhunter. Why isn't she fighting like everyone else? I doubt baby-sitting me is as intense and fulfilling as killing demons, even if I'm handsome and fascinating as I am.-

_He can't say a full sentence without sarcasm or praising of himself._ Victoria sighed silently, not wanting for him to see how much he annoyed her right now.

-I'm not a Shadowhunter.-she said, now making effort to stay calm.

-I can't fight like you do. But, I can do some simple things the Clave asks me to do. Like baby-sitting children of its members.-

For the first time since she had entered the room, Jace's face turned towards her. He didn't look annoyed or insulted. His face wasn't full of scorn, like his voice had been before. If he could see, he would look right at her eyes.

-If you're not a Shadowhunter, what are you?-his voice was now silent, almost curious.

_Here it comes._ she sighed. _The moment of revealing I'm no match to him._

-I'm a mundane.-her voice was silent, but didn't shake.

His face frowned. But, she was surprised enough that he didn't laugh at her.

-You can't be. You're from Idris, right?-out of habit, his face looked for Maryse's, but he didn't look exactly at her. His gaze missed her for few centimetres. But, soon it was back on Victoria.

-There are no mundanes in Idris.-

-Victoria is ... special.-Maryse said and looked at her.

-The Clave found her when she was a child. She could see us before she knew about us.-

Victoria nodded. That was her story. A poor orphan who saw pale people with long fangs, people changing into wolves, faeries, magic and people in black killing monsters.

-So, you weren't one of us, but you could see us?-Jace seemed almost fascinated.

-Yes.-she said, knowing nodding wouldn't mean anything to him.

-As I said, I'm a mundane. But, I have one advantage, or disadvantage, as you please, compare to other mundanes. I have ability of Sight.-


	3. A sporting chance

Jace was surprised by girl's calmness. He had insulted her so many times, he had shown her in more ways she wasn't wanted there and still, her voice was as surface of a lake, without a smallest wave.

And she had just admitted him that she was a mundane without hesitation. She knew he couldn't see her, she could as well lie to him and not reveal her lack of angel blood. He would never guess it. He hadn't had any proof that she didn't have scars on her skin that came from runes. He could only guess that by touching her. And he would never have any reason for that. He loved only Clary; to touch another girl like that, to explore her skin would be almost the same as cheating.

But, despite himself, he couldn't not wonder what she looked like. He was used to evaluate appearance of other people. It showed him if one was confident, nonchalant, carefree, nervous or any other characteristic he wanted to see. From gaze of his golden eyes only few things had been hidden on faces of others. Until the acid damaged them.

-Why did the Clave ask you to come?-he broke the silence, wanting to focus his mind on something else.

-It wasn't the Clave who asked for her.-Maryse replied instead of the girl.

-I asked for her to come to help you until you get better.-

Jace snorted.

-I'm really curious how a mundane could help me.-

-Firstly, a mundane could help you not to bump into everything on your way.-girl obviously had no problem to match his sarcasm.

-And secondly?-his voice was full of fake boredom, just to show her she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

-She could teach you how to come down to Earth sometimes.-she replied with something similar to amusement in her voice.

-It's obvious you live in belief that the entire world in under your feet and you can step on us like on bugs. It wouldn't be bad for you if you learn that isn't true.-

-How would you know it isn't true?-after what seemed more like a century, less like few days, Jace was in element.

-Maybe I do deserve the right to stamp everyone else.-

He wanted to have an argument, he needed it. But, everyone he knew didn't want to give him the chance. They were compassionate, they pretended his behaviour was normal for his state, but also temporary.

But, this girl didn't have pity on him. She won't sustain from throwing an insult back in his face. Clary and the others used to be like that, but now they told him only either some encouraging crap or nothing at all. This girl's words, the way she talked to him, like they were equal, reminded him of his old self, who was confident and brave, who faced every challenge that was put in front of him.

-The only thing you deserve right now is one fair slap.-she said and he could recognize laugh in her voice.

-But, since your ego couldn't stand the fact you were beaten by a girl, I'll sacrifice my own pleasure and spare you. At last, I was invited here to help you, not to finish you off.-

She was winning in this conversation. And he couldn't allow it.

He needed to make her uncomfortable, to leave her speechless. And words weren't helping.

He made few steps in direction where her voice had come from. He still had his fabulously good look, didn't he? And she was a girl. His nearness will distract her, he was sure of it.

After few moments, when he was convinced one more step will lead him right in front of her, he heard her voice.

-I wouldn't take one more step forward if I were you.-it was coming from his right side.

_Damn it. I missed her. Not like I was sorry when she was gone, but like ..._ he interrupted his thought. _What am I thinking about? I know what I meant. I can't believe I've fallen so __low I have to explain my own thoughts to myself._

-Really? Why not?-he laughed and raised his right foot like he was going to continue his way.

-Try and see.-she answered.

He did, just to be spiteful.

It was a bad idea. He hit the wall and felt a bruise appearing on his knee.

-Fuck!-he whispered, not wanting the girl, or Maryse, who was still in the room, to hear him. The girl would probably laugh. Maryse would surely complain about his choice of words again.

-I told you.-the girl spoke again.

He snorted.

-I don't like to do what I'm told.-

-And look where that brought you to.-it seemed like she could predict his every word and have an answer ready all the time.

-Jace, please.-Maryse interrupted their conversation and part of him was thankful for it.

-This is for your own good. Victoria will help you if you let her to. It's not a shame to accept help when you need it. And you do need it.-

For the worse, he knew himself that he needed help. He was tired of bumping into every doorpost, every thing, every person that was on his way. He was tired of being alone when everybody else were gone out of the Institute to hunt demons. And he was tired of the fact nobody understood the way he felt. Nobody understood that the way they treated him was making him feel helpless. They thought that now when he was blind, he couldn't handle anything, not even a joke or sarcasm. Their behaviour irritated and scared him in the same time because it felt like they were preparing themselves for the life without him. It felt like they had no hope of returning of his sight, and if they, the firmest footings in his life, didn't have hope, how could he have it?

And this girl understood him. He could give her a sporting chance. Maybe they could find a common language. Not counting in sarcasm, of course.

-Alright.-he said at last.

-She can stay. But, I'm not responsible if she would refuse to go back Idris one day because she's helplessly in love with me.-

-I wouldn't worry about that.-the girl answered, now without amused tone.

-A vampire would become a vegetarian sooner than I would fall in love with you.-


	4. Meet the girlfriend

Victoria studied her new room.

Her way of studying the space around her was different that most of other people's. She didn't study it with her eyes, but with her hands.

Her palms crossed over the sheets, feeling the softness of the material. Then she touched the wood the bed was made of, then cabinet left of the bed, then the wardrobe next to it. She had to start somewhere in order to familiarize herself with her new home and the bedroom was the first in line.

Her room was separated from Jace's only by door. He had moved with her into that part of the Institute.

Those rooms served for Shadowhunters who had something or someone to look after and couldn't fit into one room for any reason. There were cases when a Shadowhunter brought a mundane into the Institute and had to keep him or her there for their own protection. Then the mundane became that Shadowhunter's responsibility and they had to stay in one of those rooms.

She couldn't go into any other part of the Institute without passing through Jace's room first. She wasn't very pleased with that fact, but it was the only way for her to be right on the spot if he needed anything. Her job was to escort him to whatever room he wanted to go, to help him with anything he would have troubles due to lack of sight. But, although Maryse hadn't mentioned it, Victoria knew it was her duty also to keep Jace company while they weren't in the Institute, to distract him from pessimistic thoughts.

_I'm not his psychiatrist._ she thought dissatisfied, but then rebuked herself. _He's not well. Being sarcastic and mean to others is probably just his way to deal with the situation. If I want to help him, I have to accept it._

She remembered the way he had reacted when Maryse had told him he had to move from his room.

He had laughed and refused at first. Victoria had noticed he didn't posses a lot of personal things in his room. There had been few books, some weapons and a small box. She hadn't understood why he had been making all that noise just because of change of the room. He didn't have so much stuff to bring with him. Only after she had mentioned that fact, he had accepted Maryse's words. He had grabbed all of his personal belongings at once and moved towards the door. But, after only a step, he had got stuck with his leg behind the bed and half of the things fell out from his hands.

She had felt sorry for him when he had got down on his knees, trying to collect things he had dropped. He had managed to collect most of them, every book and the box and every weapon except one. He had touched every one of them and then raised his head.

-Where's my Seraph blade?-he had asked.

She had seen tears taking shape in his eyes, all the hurt because he couldn't see, because he was feeling helpless. And the Seraph blade he had been searching for had lain right in front of her feet. She bent down and grabbed the blade with her hand.

-Here it is.-she had said gently, ignoring her proud which had wanted her to be mean to him as he had been to her.

She had come closer to him and picked up some of the things from the floor, including the box.

-Let me help you.-while carrying most of the things in her left hand, she had taken his hand with her right.

He hadn't refused her offer or come up with some sarcastic answer. He had walked calmly next her while they had followed Maryse into their new room. Her steps had been slow, giving him time to be sure in every step they had made together. They hadn't speak, not even after Maryse had gone, each of them left in their part of the room.

But, Victoria felt it was the time to talk to him again. She had no reason or excuse to delay it. She won't be the one to make him feel lonelier than he already felt.

She opened the door, looked around and found Jace lying on his bed. His eyes were closed, but she could guess he wasn't sleeping. His breathing was too fast.

She came in and headed towards the bed. She touched his forearm and shook him slightly.

-What do you want?-he still didn't open his eyes, but the fact he had spoken confirmed her assumption.

-Just to ask you if you need anything.-she let go of his arm and now just stared at him.

-I don't.-he snorted.

-I'm perfectly fine. Things couldn't be better, could they? O, wait, I forgot. I'm blind. My career as Shadowhunter is practically ruined and I have to face the fact I'll spend the rest of my life blind as an owl under care of a mundane.-

She opened her mouth to answer, but he continued before she said anything.

-Yes, I need someone who can make me see again, but you can't give me that, can you?-

For few moments she stood in silence, considering not to answer at all. She could just leave the room and leave him alone with his bitterness. She didn't have to bear this. But, she stayed, just as she had done when she had first met him. She had to be strong, because right now he obviously wasn't.

-Nobody can give you that.-her voice, surprisingly even to her, wasn't rude or bitter.

-Your blindness is perhaps only temporary. Perhaps it's not. But, you have to face it. You think of it as of weakness. And as long as you do, it will be your weakness.-

-How wise you are.-he laughed ironically.

-You don't have to listen to me if you don't want.-she fought his irony with her own.

-Al last, I'm just a stupid little mundane. What could I know about losing sight or an arm or a leg? Those things never happen to mundanes.-

-I guess you still have all four of your limbs and sight as well.-he suddenly opened his eyes, like he was checking if she did have them.

-And you're obviously not deaf or mute. Then you have really asked the right question. What could you know?-

_More than you think._ she wanted to answer him, to prove him how wrong he was about her. But, it was her secret. No living being knew about it. _And this annoying, self-pitting __brat definitely won't be the first to find out._

She stood silently, waiting for him to laugh. But, to her surprise, he didn't. He didn't say anything, like he had actually fallen asleep.

But, she knew he was awake. And she couldn't help herself but wondering what was going through his mind right now. Did he find no further pleasure in annoying her? Was he satisfied with a fact she hadn't answered? Or did he realise he had gone too far with his bitterness towards guest? She couldn't guess.

But, before she could ask a question, door that led into the corridor opened. She looked towards it and saw short girl in the Shadowhunter gear. Her curls jumped around her head while she was approaching to bed.

-Jace!-she sounded happy to see him, but Victoria wasn't completely sure it wasn't acted.

He stood up straight and his blind eyes were trying to locate her.

-Clary?-

She came near to him and sat in his lap. Her hands touched his face gently and pulled him closer. They shared a kiss, seeming unaware Victoria was still in the room.

She looked away from them. Firstly, she didn't want to disturb them and she let them have privacy. Secondly, it reminded her of all things she never had. She had never met a mundane boy; Shadowhunter boys weren't interested in her. She was on borderline of two worlds and she could never belong to either of them.

She didn't turn around until she heard girl's voice.

-Who is this, Jace?-it sounded curiously.

Victoria looked at the girl, but she was already staring back at Jace. She was annoyed by the fact somebody else had to introduce her, and Jace of all people, but she said nothing. She had no reason to start an argument. It was normal that the girl asked the one she knew.

-This my baby-sitter.-Jace said with usual note of sarcasm in his voice.

-Clary-Victoria, Victoria-Clary.-

-Nice to meet you.-Victoria directed her attention on the girl, pretending that Jace wasn't there.

-You too.-but, Clary's attention was already back on Jace.

-How was your day?-

-The same as the one before.-he answered bitterly.

-I'm still blind, I still can't go out. O, wait, it's worse than yesterday. I even have a baby-sitter now.-

Clary laughed.

-C'mon, Jace, it can't be that bad.-

-You don't know her like I do.-Jace obviously ignored Victoria's presence.

-She's more sarcastic than I am. And you know how I hate not to be first at anything.-

Clary's gaze caught Victoria's for a second. She looked like she was trying to apologize without words in her boyfriend's name.

Victoria just shrugged. It was no use to argue with Jace now. And she didn't want for his girlfriend to apologize. Jace wouldn't approve it if he saw it. He didn't like her and there wasn't a lot of things she could do. To be honest, she didn't like him either. She just tried to be kind because of his state, but if he was alright and healthy, she would shake every insult he deserved out on him.

Victoria's face expression obviously told more than enough to Clary, because she turned back towards Jace again.

-Look, we've ordered something to eat. Why don't you join us on dinner?-

He sighed, but he was obviously unable to deny anything to her.

-OK. If you insist.-

-Of course I do.-Clary smiled and got up from him. She stretched her arm out and helped him to stand up.

Victoria came near to them, expecting that Clary would want her to deal with Jace. She stretched her hand out, wanting to grab Jace's. But, the other girl looked at her in confusion.

-What are you doing?-

She looked at Clary's face, unsure what to do.

-I ... I need to help Jace. He can't go alone.-

-I'll help him.-Clary's eyes suddenly became suspicious.

Victoria didn't know how to react. She just wanted to do what had been told to her. She had no slightest intention to cause Clary's hostility. And she obviously had done just that.

They stood in silence for few moments, staring at each other, and then Jace broke it.

-Don't fight, girls. Especially not over a blind man.-

Victoria went a step back, allowing Clary to take Jace's hand into hers. Clary pulled him with her, but there was haste in her steps while they were getting out of the room. And Victoria followed them in silence, walking as far from them she could without losing them out of her sight.

She didn't eat much for dinner. Alec and Isabelle, Jace's foster brother and sister, didn't take much interest in her. Neither did Maryse. They talked mostly about the events in Shadow world, demons, the Accords, Clary's mother Jocelyn and a werewolf who was about to become her husband, Luke Garroway. She didn't know those people, so she didn't comment anything.

The only person who was as silent as her was Jace. He also just put the food in his mouth and avoided conversation. His eyes stared blindly around him, stopping accidently even on her for few times.

_At this point we have something else in common, beside being sarcastic._ she laughed inside herself to the irony of the situation. _If we continue in this rhythm, we'll be best friends by the end of the week._


	5. Something to be proud of

-Where are you going?-

His baby-sitter, beside ability to annoy him constantly, obviously had excellent sense of hearing. And his hope that she needed to sleep until ten o' clock at least was crashed in the first morning.

He turned around, hoping he guessed her position correctly. Even though he was blind, it was a habit to look at the person he was talking to.

-I'm going to take a shower, if you don't mind.-he got up from the bed.

But, this wasn't his room anymore. He had no idea where the bathroom was. But, Lilith herself could come and take him if he let this girl to know that.

He started to walk away from her, guessing the wall opposite of her part of the room was the only logical place the door to the bathroom could be. He had to prove her, and himself, too, that he wasn't as helpless as it seemed. Just because everyone treated him that way, he wasn't helpless. _He wasn't._

But, he didn't make three steps forward until he heard her steps coming closer and her hand grabbing his.

-You're going in wrong direction. Jace.-it seemed like she added his name in the end just to sound more politely. But, in the rest of the sentence a hidden annoyance was present, like she was irritated by his refusing of help.

-Why didn't you let me crush into the wall?-he asked.

-You'd have fun and I'd get a bruise.-

She stood silently for a few moments, like she was thinking about the answer. It definitely surprised him.

-Crap, I didn't remember the idea at all. You should have told me earlier.-but, now was laugh in her voice. An honest laugh, to be weirder.

_It's fascinating how fast she changes her mood._ he thought, surprised. _The Sight isn't the only weird thing on this girl._

She turned him around gently and pulled his hand. He started to walk alongside her, but then stopped.

-Wait a second.-he said, stopping them both.

-How can I know that you didn't direct me towards another wall? You have countless chances to do a prank on my account. How can I know you're not doing it now?-

She pulled him forward again.

-You'll have to trust me.-she said when they continued to walk.

She sounded serious. There was no playfulness in her voice. She wanted him to rely on her, because that was exact reason why she was here.

But, he didn't want to rely on her. He didn't need to rely on anybody. Yes, he loved Clary and the Lightwoods and cared for them, but he could take care of himself. They didn't need to take care of him. So didn't this girl. And he had to hurt her to prove that to her.

-Of course you wouldn't do that.-he said eagerly.

-At last, you're about to see me naked now. You wouldn't want anything to delay that, would you?-

He felt her hand in his tightened. That made her angry again, just like he planned. The only question was that if it had made her angry enough to disobey Maryse and leave him alone.

-Don't flatter yourself.-she growled very inappropriately for a young lady.

-I'll just help you go into the bathroom. Behind the door, you're all by yourself. And don't you dare to come out until you're dressed or not only that I'll let you crush into a wall. I'll hit the wall with your head myself.-

-How old are you?-in his opinion, she had overreacted a little bit, she had been childish.

-You're acting like you've never seen a man naked.-

She didn't answer, but a sudden sigh gave him the answer.

-You _really_ haven't.-he laughed.

-I can't believe they brought a child to help me. I feel almost like Tiresias in _Oedipus the King_. How old are you? Thirteen? Fourteen? Fourteen and a half at most?-

-I'm eighteen.-she replied, but he could feel her anger just in that short sentence.

-I'm sorry, but I really find that hard to believe.-he grinned.

-We're not in Middle Ages, darling. It's almost impossible to find a virgin of your age these days. Unless you are really, really ugly.-

-Call me "darling" one more time and I'll hurt you, whether you're blind or not.-she was furious now.

-And I'm not some kind of whore like you suggest your girlfriends are. I've never been in love. I have no reason not to be a virgin still.-

She was just making her own situation worse. She was just giving him more information to laugh to.

-You're eighteen and you still haven't _kissed_?-he burst into laughter.

He would bet on anything she was as red as a tomato.

-I've never said that.-she answered, but there was no use to pretend.

-But, it's completely obvious.-he said, still laughing.

-Now you'll start telling me you save your first kiss for your one true love, won't you? It's pathetic and sad in the same time, you know.-

A second after that, he felt the slap burning his right cheek. She had a strong hit for a mundane and for a girl. She pulled her hand out of his.

He heard a door opening and suddenly, something, her hand probably, hit him in the back. He stretched his hands out, trying to prevent crushing into anything. His hands grabbed a sink in the bathroom, but slid over the water in it. He couldn't prevent inertia of his body to follow him. Breath was knocked out of his body and he heard something, probably the soap, fell on the floor when he had pushed it.

_Damn it!_ he thought. He had really pissed the girl off. But, he still didn't have enough. He wanted to make sure she had got the message.

-So, will we make you less virgin or not?-he shouted, so she could hear him.

-Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.-

A bunch of fabric suddenly covered him. She must have thrown his clothes at him. He removed it from himself, waiting to hear her answer.

But, there was none. He heard her closing the door without a word. If he would guess, she didn't even look at him. She was really disgusted with him.

His proud was happy about it, hoping that she would stay away from him from now on. But, the other part of him was sad for hurting her feelings. She did nothing to deserve it. Her virginity was something to be admired to, not to mock at. People rarely appreciated love these days. If he hadn't met Clary, he would have been the same now, just going from one girl to another until he got bored. That wasn't something to be proud of.

_But, it doesn't matter now._ he thought. _She's probably gone to see Maryse, to ask her to __go back to Idris. And I can't even apologize to her. Either she won't believe me or she'll take care of me again. And I want neither of it._

He took his clothes off and touched the things around him, trying to locate the shower.

He entered into it and let the water fall onto him. It took few moments to make its warmth pleasant, but then he closed his eyes to prevent water falling into them and let his thoughts wander.

It reminded him of the time his sight had been perfect, when he had been able to notice the slightest movement in the room. But, even then he hadn't kept his eyes open while showering. He didn't like water falling into them. Here he could pretend everything was alright, so he didn't turn off the water long after the actual showering was done.


	6. Worlds of words

He needed more than half an hour to take a shower.

Sitting on his bed and waiting wasn't the most entertaining thing to do, but Victoria couldn't have guessed how long it would last. If she could have, she would have found something fun to do before she had to face him again.

When he finally got out of the bathroom, she separated her gaze from the box which stood on the night cabinet next to his bed and looked at him.

She hadn't picked good T-shirt for him. It was a size or two too small, probably something he had worn few years ago. But, she hadn't paid much attention when he had taken clothes out of his wardrobe. She had grabbed the first things she had had at hand. Now his belly button was uncovered along with half of his hard abdominal muscles.

_At least these jeans are his size._ she though with relief, but then noticed what she had forgotten. _I didn't even give him socks. How rude of me. But, after everything he had said, maybe I should give him two different socks to wear. One pink and one yellow, just to make it extremely noticeable._

But, she pushed away those thoughts, although not without malicious longing. She got up from the bed and came near to him.

-Finally. What were you doing there for so long?-

It seemed her voice surprised him. He took a sudden step back, almost unaware of it.

-You're still here?-he asked like it was the last thing in the world he expected, but then an arrogant smile took shape on his face again.

-Or you just came back to collect your things before you return to Idris?-

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, lightly enough not to hurt him, but strongly enough for him to feel he hadn't got rid of her.

-Who said anything about leaving?-she laughed.

-I'd rather stay and annoy you as much as you annoy me. I can't leave without levelling the score.-

-Darling, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.-he said with special emphasis on the word "darling".

But, she didn't let him annoy her with that this time.

-Believe me, I do.-she said.

-And if you're about to call me "darling", I have to come up with a nickname for you. I think "princess" would do. You already take a shower as long as one.-

-Don't you dare.-his voice sound threatening and his face expression was serious. But, she noticed a strange shine in his eyes. It seemed like he wanted to hide something from her.

-Then you stop calling me "darling".-she said, avoiding the chance to find out what was on his mind. She had hard time with words that had already left his mouth.

-Your girlfriend won't like it anyway if she hears you. She's your darling.-

Her words erased the shine from his eyes. Clary was obviously his weak spot.

-She'd know I'm not serious.-he said quietly, but then raised his voice.

-I love Clary. I'll love her always.-

_But ..._ she heard in his voice a "but" should follow, but it didn't.

She didn't answer. It wasn't hers to interfere.

_I'll do what I must and take care of him._ she thought. _I'm supposed to be his eyes, nothing more. I'm not his friend. He doesn't want me to be and I don't want to be. I won't ask him questions, I won't make him to confide in me. This is like business. A time to go home will come. I just have to be patient._

She directed them towards the door.

-So, where do you want to go now?-she asked, pretending like those few moments of silence had never happened.

He raised his head, a look of confusion filling his face features.

-I can't go anywhere.-he snorted, obviously dissatisfied.

-Maryse has her ways to find out if I leave the Institute. She says it's not safe for me to go outside. Even if you're accompanying me.-

She pulled him with her.

-I wasn't talking about going outside.-she pushed the door and glanced at the corridor in front of them. Nobody was there, as she expected.

-We'll stay inside the Institute. But, you can't spend the entire day in your room. We'll find something else to entertain ourselves.-

-Thanks, but I'm not in the mood for making out right now.-he said, annoying as much as before with his egoistic attitude.

But, she didn't react. She was determined not to show him how strenuous he was to her.

-One more sentence that Clary would definitely find inappropriate.-she mentioned by the way. She had found a weapon against him, why not use it?

That made him shut up.

_Thank the Angel._ she thought.

But, not for very long.

-Now really, where are we going?-although he didn't sound interested for the answer, at least the arrogant note was gone from his voice.

She thought for a moment and remembered her favourite place in Alicante.

-Tell me where the library is.-

-Do you know where the entrance to the elevator is?-he asked and his voice sounded for the first time like any other boy's, like this was his first conversation about completely ordinary things such as location of the library.

-Yes.-she said, amazed by the change in his voice.

-When you're in front of them, you just go to the left and the library is at the end of the corridor.-he explained, his tone still the same.

She led them in silence, following the way he had mentioned. She didn't rush, letting him to set their speed. They wandered through the corridors of the Institute like a pair of ghosts. Their steps were almost soundless. Jace had rich experience in sneaking gathered through his Shadowhunter career, but Victoria made no more noise than he did. Her trainings in Idris served at least for something, even if it was just not disrupting the peace of the empty Institute.

At last, she opened the door on the end of the corridor on the left of the elevator. She entered and pulled him in gently.

-Come.-she closed the door behind them.

-Sit down.-

She led him towards one of the armchairs in the library. When he sat, he let go of his hand.

-Where is everyone?-he asked her suddenly.

-They left early in the morning. Demons in Manhattan or something like that.-she answered and went towards bookshelves.

He sighed, but didn't comment. Instead, his mouth shaped one of those conceited smiles.

-So, what are we going to do now, smart-arse?-it obviously didn't take long for him to come up with a new nickname.

-What can _I_ do in a library? I'm still blind, in case you haven't noticed.-

_It was so wonderful when he was silent._ she sighed, but didn't answer.

She crossed over few of book covers on the shelves with her hand. They all felt almost the same, hard and dusty.

There were few sights that could sadden her more than neglected books. They had been her best friends during long lonely hours in Alicante and she loved them very much. She loved the stories and characters, imagined what she would do in their situations, what adventure of her own she would have in their worlds. She was a mundane perhaps, but her imagination had no limits.

She finally picked one of them. She took it out of the shelf and went back to Jace. She sat in the armchair across him.

-I'll read to you.-she moved a pillow behind her back to make herself more comfortable.

Jace snorted.

-I'd prefer you not to.-

-I momentarily don't care.-she answered and opened the book.

-Which book is it?-he asked, showing at least a bit of curiosity. That was progress.

-You'll see.-she smiled.

But, before she began to read, she stopped and sighed in amazement.

-Jace, draw the rune of Foresight on this book.-she put the book on his knees.

He straightened in the armchair and laughed.

-Why would I do that?-

-It's just one theory I want to test.-she replied, catching her breath.

His eyes narrowed.

-If you think that drawing a rune would make me see ... -

-Just do it.-she interrupted him.

He touched the book with his fingers. And then he nonchalantly sat back into the armchair.

-I don't have my stele here.-

_Why does he have to be so difficult?_ she sighed.

-I know you do.-her eyes looked at the pocket of his jeans.

-You never separate from it. You even sleep with it. It's your way to show everyone else you're still a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunters, even those on ...- she tried to find the right word or something close to it to describe his state.

- ...vacation, never separate from their steles. So, neither do you.-

He seemed surprised by how good she had read his emotions. He was maybe even a little scared by it, she could see it in his face features. She left him speechless for few moments, but then he spoke again.

-You seem to know lot about our culture for a mundane, even for a one with the Sight.-

-I lived among Shadowhunters for the most of my life.-the words should explain everything to him in shortest period.

-Now draw the rune.-

He took the stele out of his pocket and did as she had asked. The rune glowed on the book, just above the title.

-Do you see it?-she asked, even though she could guess what the answer will be.

He shook his head.

-No.-but, to her surprise, he didn't comment anything. Sadness covered his face and even his control couldn't hold it back now.

But, the tears didn't leave his eyes. He returned the book to her.

-So, which book is that?-he asked.

She opened the book, found the first sentence of the book and read it.

-"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.".-

-_Anna Karenina_.-said Jace at once.

Victoria couldn't guess if he was happy with her choice or not. She waited for few moments for him to complain. But, he leaned on one handrail of the armchair and threw his legs over the other. His face was now leaning on the back of the armchair.

-Well, read further!-he said, but not insolently.

She thought she had heard impatience in that sentence and smiled.

_Thank the Angel._ she thought again, but this time she was truly grateful.

After only few words, they entered the world of Russian aristocracy of nineteenth century, where were no blind Shadowhunter and no mundane with gift of Sight. Some other characters were there to hate and love and the two of them could only watch, lost among words and their own thoughts.

**I'm really sorry if the grammar makes the reading difficult. I really try to avoid mistakes, but I hate grammar even in my own language, so I sometimes don't notice them :/ Thank you for reviewing / following / faving :) I probably won't be able to update during the weekend, but I'll try to write new chapter as soon as I can.**


	7. More powerful than a warlock

It had seemed like his sight was back. He had seen the split in home of Stiva Oblonsky, Levin's arrival in Moscow, his proposal to Kitty and her refusing. The pictures had been so vivid, almost palpable. Every second of the reading they had been in front of him, almost like he had been watching a movie, not listening words of the book.

Victoria's voice had been so steady during the reading, but never too steady. She had known which parts to emphasise, which not. Every character's emotion had been heard in her voice, she hadn't been ashamed of reading out loud. It had seemed like she had forgotten he was present, like she had abandoned him and this world and left for some completely other one.

But, suddenly, while he was still lost among the words, she stopped reading and closed the book. At the moment the book covers were folded, the darkness was back and he was blind again.

It hurt so much, but not the blindness itself. It hurt more to know that he had been distracted by something so much that he had forgotten about it. People he knew and loved had tried so much to distract him, to entertain him so he could forget his pain, but had failed. And this girl managed to distract him in first decent try she had. Even more important, she had made him see again. And even more important, for few moments she had made him truly happy again.

He didn't want to lose it. He wanted to see again.

-Why did you stop?-he asked.

-Anna hasn't committed suicide yet.-

-It's enough for now.-she coughed.

-I can't read anymore, my throat is dry.-

-Go and get a glass of water.-he insisted rudely, not wanting her to realise how much he needed her to read further, what it meant to him.

-Your reading makes an excellent lullaby. I enjoy it. I haven't slept that well in years. You have to read further.-

For a second he thought he heard her laughing. But, it lasted only for a moment, so he couldn't be sure.

-We'll have a lot of days like this, Jace.-she said calmly.

-It's not necessary to finish this book by the end of this week. The book won't get legs and run away from the Institute.-

-How'd you know?-Jace grinned.

-I've seen weirder things in my life than runaway books.-

This time there was no mistake; she did laugh.

-I promise this one won't run away.-he heard her getting up.

-I'll put it in my bedroom, there it will have no reason to flee. I'm tidy.-

-So am I.-he said before he could stop himself.

It seemed strange and familiar in the same time to confide in this girl. She was a stranger, he had met her not even twenty-four hours ago. He didn't even want to talk to her, especially not about himself. He didn't want to talk to anybody about himself. But, she had the power to give him his sight back, even if only for moments. Nobody could do that, not even Magnus. This girl, a mundane, had beaten a warlock.

_I could tease him forever about that._ for a second he was truly amused.

Unaware of it, he smiled. He wouldn't have known his face expression had changed if the girl hadn't spoken again.

-Will you explain the joke to me or it's understandable just to you?-

He shook his head, lost in his thoughts. He couldn't remember what they had been talking about for a second, but then he did.

-I'm tidy too.-he repeated.

-Why don't you put the book in my bedroom?-

-Because I can never know when you'll want to start destroying things around you. And because I deeply care for books, I don't think I can entrust you with any. I don't trust you that much yet.-she replied.

After she had said the first sentence, he had been hurt. He had thought she had been serious. But, then he heard the rest of her words and her mischievous tone and he knew she was joking with him. And, surprisingly, it didn't bother him at all; actually, he was really glad she was.

-Yeah, I love to blow my room up sometimes.-he answered.

-Destroying things is great way of relaxing. It throws all the bad energy and stuff out of the system.-

-Do you do it often?-she asked and her voice sounded so amused he was sure she was smiling.

-Nope.-he shook his head.

-I prefer to take it out on other people by being sarcastic. I just shift my annoyance onto other people. So, I'm not risking suffering pain or any unpleasant things.-

-You obviously have a lot of bad energy in you.-she said, but still in the same mischievous tone.

-You just can't keep it all inside you, can you?-

-Of course not.-he grinned.

-It's like physical activity. You have to do it often in order to stay healthy.-

She said nothing, but he could imagine her shaking her head, like she had no idea if she should laugh or punish him. They were like real child and baby-sitter; he did some prank, she knew it was bad, but she found it cute. It was funny how obvious everything about her seemed, considering the fact he didn't even know what she looked like.

-I'll take the book in my room.-her voice already seemed to be further than it had been before, like she was already coming out of the room.

-Wait for me here.-

-Yeah, like you could lose me.-he sighed.

-You'd just need to listen to the sounds of breaking and bumping into things and follow it. You'd find me in few seconds.-

-I know, but I'm not interested in explaining Maryse why the half of the Institute is destroyed.-she said, half-serious, half-amused.

-You're my responsibility, Jace Lightwood. Don't make my job hard.-

-Somebody has to keep it interesting.-he replied.

She didn't answer. But, he heard steps going away from him. And suddenly, he felt waking of curiosity within himself. It surprised him, like he hadn't felt it for years. Nevertheless, he had to ask her before she was gone.

-And what are we going to do when you're back?-

-You'll see.-her voice echoed the corridor.

She was already gone.


	8. Entirely your choice

Victoria came back in a minute. Jace was still sitting in the armchair, his blind eyes wandering around without any aim. Since he hadn't reacted even when she had passed right in front of him, she guessed he was lost in a place she couldn't reach. But, even though he couldn't see her, she expected at least for him to hear her.

-Jace.-she touched his forearm gently.

He shook his head like he had just woken up and raised his gaze towards her.

-What took you so long? I almost fell asleep.-like before, he was rude again.

But, she could hear in his voice that he was trying to be rude, he was just acting. There was no real insolence, neither in his voice nor in his face expression. It seemed like he was forgetting that, even though he couldn't see other people, they still could see him.

And she could see that his lips were shaping a smile of relief which he obviously wasn't even aware of.

-I gave you a chance to gather your strength.-she pulled him up to his feet.

He leaned his hand on hers, letting her to guide them.

-What for?-he asked as they were going out of the library.

-I hope you're not going to torture me. I did nothing to deserve it.-

_Except for being constant pain in the neck._ she thought and laughed. _His voice is so determined and honest, even when he's acting. Somebody completely ignorant of his behaviour would definitely think he is completely innocent and I'm the evil nanny._

-What?-he said when her only answer had been a laugh.

-Nothing, nothing.-she answered, trying to calm down.

-You _are_ going to torture me, aren't you?-once again, he tried to be serious, but unknowingly smiled.

-I can imagine you tying me up for some infernal torture device and laugh with that evil lunatic's laugh.-

-Do I really give that kind of impression?-she asked, but avoided amusement in her voice.

Her question distracted him.

_Will he be honest now or it'll be just another play?_ she wondered, looking at him.

-Why are we going into training room?-he asked suddenly, completely ignoring her question.

_One day, Jace Lightwood, you'll have to answer it, whether you like it or not_. she thought. _Is this entire show because you can't face your state or because you hate me? If the latter, do you hate me because I remind you of the fact you're not independent as you used to be or because of some other reason I can't guess?_

-How did you guess it?-she answered his question with her own.

-I used to spend more time there than in my bedroom.-he said, pushing the door in front of them.

-Alec and I used to sneak out of our rooms at night and come here. We couldn't even use the witchlight because Maryse would catch us. So we learned the way by heart and we could find it even in the dark.-

Victoria noticed how quiet his voice had become when he said the word "dark". His eyes were directed at the floor, like he was reading words that were invisible to her. But, she knew what he was looking at. He saw the connection between the game he had played with his brother and his current state. And she owed him a chance to make a choice.

-Jace, I insisted that I read to you.-she squeezed his arm gently.

-But, this is entirely your choice. If you don't want to be here, if you don't want to try to hold a weapon in your hands yet, I understand. Just one word and we'll leave.-

He raised his head and looked at her. For a moment, it seemed like the blind eyes shone. But, then there was only mist in them, like he was trying not to cry.

-There's no use.-his voice shivered.

-I can't even practise. If you don't tell me, I won't even know where the target is. And that kind of practise is useless. There's no point in it.-

She guessed his answer. But, she was still willing to give him another chance.

-I didn't have an ordinary practice in mind.-she made a step forward and turned around to face him.

-You'd probably find it ridiculous or annoying, maybe both. But, if you don't want to do it, you don't need to. Forget I've ever asked. We'll do something else.-

They stood in silence for few moments.

Victoria was avoiding looking at Jace's face, not sure herself if she wanted him to refuse or not. She knew it will be hard if he accepted, considering the way he had trained before. He will make fun of her and her idea. He will probably have no patience. He will hate her even more for making him to do it. But, it was the only way she thought of that could help him. She didn't sleep half of the night, trying to think how to make this boy to cooperate. She had to find the way for him to feel alive again because leaving him to misery and sarcasm was obviously useless. By reading to him, she had made him to use his sense of hearing instead of his eyes to create pictures in his mind. Now she had to do the same for him to fight.

-You won't laugh at me?-suddenly she heard his voice, so quiet she had almost missed it. But, she felt him squeezing her arm, like he didn't trust her.

-Of course I won't.-she answered.

-Will you do it?-

He sighed and then nodded.

-I will.-

They came into the room. She led them towards its centre. There was most free space and for a start it was the only thing they needed.

-Stand here.-she said when she found a perfect spot.

He did as she had told. He wanted to release his hand from hers, but she didn't let him. Still holding his hand, she made two steps back, so their arms were utterly outstretched, but still coupled.

-Now I'm as far from you as we can stretch our arms out.-she said.

-Can you guess how far that is?-

-About a meter, maybe little more.-he answered, obviously confused.

-Why does that matter?-

-Can you guess where I'm standing?-she ignored his question.

-As I said, about a meter far from me.-he replied, but now annoyed.

He was already bored. But, she wasn't about to give up.

-Now I want you to imagine a circle around you. Since you're in its centre, you shouldn't have trouble with that.-she added a bit of sarcasm in her words and it brought his interest back.

-I don't have to imagine it. I _am_ the centre of the world.-his voice was full of self-confidence, but she wasn't sure if every bit of it was real.

-Now it needs to be a smaller circle.-she continued like he hadn't said a word.

-Its radius should be about a meter long.-

-I'm sorry, but you can't be so close to the centre.-he sneered.

She ignored him again.

-Did you imagine the circle?-

He realised there was no use of his teasing, so he sighed.

-Yes, I did.-

-All right.-she let his hand go.

-Wait here.-

She looked around and found the piece of chalk, standing close to the board where few targets were drawn. She came back, grabbed his hand again and drew the circle she hoped he had imagined. After they made a full circle, she put the chalk down and turned towards Jace again.

-Now I want you to tell me if I'm standing inside the circle or outside it.-

She moved a step back and went to the left.

-Now?-

He turned around, following her voice, and bent towards her, like he was trying to see her by getting closer to her.

But, that wasn't the idea.

-Jace, stop it.-she ordered.

He stood up straight, but still looked at her.

-What?-

-I don't want you to turn around.-she grabbed his forearms and made him stand as he had before.

-You don't have to say exactly where I am. You just have to say how far from you I am.-

-And how I'm supposed to do that if I don't see you?-anger exploded from his words.

But, she didn't let him to scare her.

-I asked you before how far I had been standing.-she tried not to sound annoyed.

-Give me your hand again.-

He did so, although unwillingly. Soon they stood again with their arms outstretched.

-Try to hear how far from you I am.-she tried to explain.

-My voice is now neither loud nor quiet. And I'm about a meter away from you. Can you guess where I'm standing?-

He nodded, but she was sure that, before curls of his hair covered his face, it had really seemed he was sorry.

-Yes.-

-Now I'll go around you, sometimes inside the circle, sometimes outside it.-she let his hand go again.

-Sometimes I'll speak more loudly, sometimes more quietly. Your task is only to tell me if I'm inside the circle or outside it. You don't need to turn around or move. Just try to listen.-

She moved two steps outside the circle and said loudly:

-Now?-

-Outside.-he answered.

-Good.-

She moved left, but stayed outside the circle.

-Now?-she said as loudly as before.

-Inside.-

-No. I guess the first one was just beginner's luck.-she continued to walk, but now came inside the circle.

-Now?-she yelled to confuse him.

-Outside.-he said.

-No.-she shook her head.

-Listen carefully, Jace.-

She sighed in the same time as he did.

_This is going to take time._

**Forgot to mention in previous chapters, but of course, I don't own Anna Karenina either. **

**To answer shadowhunter9945: yes, there is Colbie Caillat's song called "When the darkness comes" **


	9. The truth hurts

Jace was losing his temper.

Averagely, he had guessed Victoria's position only once out of five tries. And that was a great disappointment for a Shadowhunter. That was a great disappointment for Jace Lightwood.

_I should have been better. _he thought, losing interest for Victoria's steps. _She certainly expected better. I bet she's laughing at me right now. I'd laugh at myself if I were her._

He had tried to listen to her at first. He had tried to do as she had told him. But, every wrong guess had made him angrier. His weakness was so obvious. That was one of the reasons why he hadn't come here before. He didn't want anyone to see him so helpless, to think of him as helpless. But, the reality was merciless. And he had let this girl to see it.

-Now?-she asked for at least a thousandth time.

-I fucking don't care!-he yelled, losing control over himself.

-It's obvious I'll never be a Shadowhunter again if my eyes don't get better! I'll just be a burden to those who will have to take care of me!-

-Jace ... -she tried to speak, but he didn't let her.

-Don't even bother!-he shouted.

-I know you have a lot of fun looking at me like this! I bet listening to my sarcasm has just paid off! Congratulations, you can see me hitting my head against the wall every fucking time I try to guess where you're standing! C'mon, please, laugh as much as you want!-

He was breathless after all that shouting, but also satisfied. That will drive her away from him and allow him to look at his weakness alone. Even he himself was one person too much to see it, but two persons were more than he could bear.

He heard her steps, but they weren't going away, but coming closer. He tried to avoid her, but she had big advantage.

-I'd never laugh at you.-she grabbed his right forearm again.

-I'm not trying to hurt you, Jace. I'm trying to help you.-

-I don't want your help.-he growled, rousing to force her to let his arm go.

But, she didn't let him go. Her squeeze was firm, although not painful.

-But, you do. You know you need help.-she said.

-If you didn't know that, you'd never agree even to try this training.-

-I've changed my mind.-he grabbed her hand with his left and separated it from his right hand.

-I don't want to come here anymore until my sight gets back.-

-What if it doesn't get back?-she said suddenly, like she couldn't hold it back.

-You'll allow yourself to remain helpless like a child?-

-I'm not helpless!-he yelled again, unable to stop himself.

-Yes, you are!-now she was yelling too.

-Because you're not even _trying_ to help yourself! You don't want to be seen that way by the others, but it's the way you see yourself! You think you can't accomplish anything without your sight!-

-I told you before.-he turned his voice down and growled.

-Don't pretend that you know me.-

-I don't have to know you to see what's obvious.-she stopped yelling too, but now her voice was cold.

-The others here know you and love you, Jace, so they spare you. But, I'll tell you whatever you need to hear. It's said that the truth hurts. But, I don't care for you. I know you for one day and you already annoy me. As long as I have to stay here with you, I'll make you face the facts, no matter how painful they are.-

He wanted to punch her for saying so many things he didn't want to admit they were true. The others did spare him. He didn't want to face them or himself. He didn't want to admit that he needed help.

But, Victoria figured it all out without needing him to tell her. And she has known him only for a day. Maybe it was good that they didn't know or like each other. There was nothing to hold them back from telling the truth.

But, before he could reply, he heard the door opening and somebody coming in.

-Jace!-he heard Clary's voice.

-What are you doing here?-

Suddenly he felt her hands grabbing him and her soft lips kissing him. In that moment he forgot all about Victoria and their conversation. He could close his eyes and get lost in the kiss. He didn't need his eyes or his ears to do this.

-I was just showing the Institute to Victoria.-he lay when they separated, not willing to admit he had tried to practise and failed. He just hoped Victoria will cooperate with his lie.

-That's great.-she said and give him one short kiss.

-There's something I have to tell you. I killed more demons than Isabelle today.-

-She did not.-Isabelle's voice joined the conversation.

-You didn't count in those two I killed together with Alec. That's still one more than you killed.-

-You've been training your entire life, Izzy.-now there was Alec's voice too.

-And Clary has only begun. If she's already as good as you, soon she'll be killing more demons than you.-

-Shut up, Alec.-Isabelle snorted while her brother laughed.

-What have you been doing, Jace?-

-I ... -he was surprised when the subject of the conversation was his day again. He didn't want to talk about it, neither about the lie nor the truth.

-He was showing me around the Institute.-suddenly he heard voice he didn't expect. Victoria's. He had even forgotten she was still present.

-You did that the entire morning?-Isabelle wondered.

-It isn't small.-Victoria replied calmly, like she wasn't lying at all.

-And we couldn't go fast. So it took time.-

Her lies surprised Jace. She hadn't betrayed him, despite her threats of telling the truth. She hadn't told them what was really going on that morning. But, he couldn't guess if it was because she wanted to protect him after all or because her promise of telling the truth was worth only for Jace himself.

-O.-Isabelle was obviously out of questions.

-I'm starving, people. Let's go to the kitchen.-

-I'm going only if you won't be the one to cook.-Jace even surprised himself while saying that.

It sounded so much like his old self. For the last few days he had been seriously mean towards everyone. Now his words sounded like they used to; it was a sarcastic joke, but only a joke. They have known him for years and that was how they remembered him. He always provoked them and they reacted. He wondered if they'll do it now.

But, Isabelle disappointed him

-We'll order something.-she said, without any threat like the old Isabelle would.

_No, Isabelle's still the same._ Jace closed his eyes, trying to stop the shaping of tears. _Isabelle would threaten to Jace Lightwood, the sarcastic, fighting Shadowhunter she knows. She won't threaten to Jace Lightwood, the poor blind man._

He heard her high heels echoing the room as she was leaving, followed by quiet steps of her brother. He felt Clary's hands separating from his face.

-Let's go, Jace.-she said gently, pulling his hand.

-You heard Isabelle; she won't cook. That means we're saved.-

He managed to smile just to keep her cheerful, although he didn't feel like smiling at all.

-I guess we are.-he said.

Suddenly, a mobile phone rang. Jace knew its sound; it was Clary's. She picked it up.

-Hi, mum.-

Jace couldn't hear what Jocelyn was saying, but guessed Clary will probably have to leave soon.

-We're just about to have lunch.-Clary sighed.

-I can eat here. Then you can pick me up and we can go to choose the dress.-

It was Clary's dress for Jocelyn's wedding they were talking about. Jace found Clary the most beautiful sight of all whatever she was wearing, but knew that she will wear something special for her mother's wedding. He just hoped his sight will be back until then.

-OK. I'll come down right away.-Clary hung up and put the mobile phone into her pocket.

-I'm sorry, but I have to leave.-she said, touching his face again.

-The store works only until 2 p. m. today and mum wants me to choose my dress.-

-Choose something nice.-he said.

-Of course, whatever you say.-she laughed and kissed him again.

He could never get enough of the sense of her lips on his. It tasted like heaven.

They separated too soon. After what seemed only like a moment, she moved away from him.

-I'll see you later.-she said, caressing his cheek.

-That's not soon enough.-he said, raising his hand and looking for her face.

With little help he found it. But, before he could find it with his lips again, she escaped his hands.

-I really have to go, Jace. Mum will kill me if she doesn't find me if front of the Institute.-she put his hands down.

-Go then.-he smiled despite of himself again.

-I wouldn't want to revenge myself on Jocelyn for your murder.-

-A fight I would love to see, but only from a Shadowhunter's point of view.-she giggled.

-Not from my own, because I wouldn't know who to cheer for.-

-I'm disappointed.-he shook his head, but he smiled, showing her he had only joked.

And she knew it.

-Bye now, Jace.-

-Bye.-he said, but her fast steps had already left the room.


	10. Between you and me

Victoria watched Jace as his eyes were fixed on the door after Clary had gone.

It seemed like he had completely forgotten she was still in the room. It wasn't the first time, since he obviously forgot everything when Clary was around and few moments after she was gone, like her scent still remained in his nostrils and he couldn't move until it was completely gone.

_What's it like?_ she wondered. _What's like when you're so in love that you forget everything around you and you see only that one person? Is it worth as much as they say?_

But, she could ask those questions, especially not Jace. Not after everything she had said to him today.

But, she could ask other questions, much less private and much more ordinary.

-Are you hungry?-she joined him.

He turned towards her.

-Not really.-he answered, but it didn't seem like he looked at her. It seemed more like he looked through her, like she was nothing more than air.

-But, I think Isabelle and Alec would like you to join them.-she mentioned.

That broke his thoughtfulness in.

-Maybe I wouldn't like to join them.-he growled.

-Why not?-she didn't understand why he was so angry suddenly.

He didn't answer. He stared at her in silence for few moments and then he made a step forward.

-Why?-

Now she was completely confused.

-What are you talking about?-

-Why did you lie?-he made another step forward.

-You could tell them what we had been doing, but you didn't. Why?-

She looked at his eyes, which, even though they couldn't see, glanced at her curiously.

-Because I knew you didn't want me to tell them.-she answered.

-And what about that thing about you telling the truth all the time?-he continued to stare at her.

That made her feel slightly uncomfortable, but she was determined not to show him that. He maybe couldn't see it, but he could hear it.

-That's worth only between you and me.-she explained, trying to keep her voice calm.

-I won't humiliate you in front of your family and friends, Jace. Since I've come here, you think I have something against you. But, I don't. I'm trying to help you. Maybe you'll finally realise that after this.-

-Why?-he asked again.

-You said yourself I annoyed you. Why are you trying to help me then?-

She held her breath.

She could spare his feelings and say that she felt sorry for him. That his state had made her feel more compassionate than it really had. But, on the other hand, that would be a lie. She had never wanted to come in New York. They had told her in Idris what this was all about and she had agreed to come only so she could show her gratitude to Shadowhunters. She hadn't wanted to be useless. But, if there had been any job that she could do in Idris, she would have stayed there without a second thought.

-Because Maryse asked me to.-she answered finally.

-Alicante has been my home for years, it's the only home I know. Shadowhunters accepted me, although I could never be one of them. I'll do what I can to help them, because it's the only thing I can give them in return. So, when Maryse asked the Clave to let me come, I could have refused. I wanted to refuse; I wanted to stay in Alicante. But, I've promised myself to help Shadowhunters as much as I can. So I've come.-

He stood in silence for few moments. It seemed like he was trying to reconcile with her words, mostly with the fact she didn't really care about him.

She knew her words were cruel, but she had promised that she will be honest with him. And she never broke her promises.

-Are you the only one with gift of Sight in Idris?-he finally spoke again, but commented nothing about her previous words.

-No.-she shook her head.

-There are few more of them.-

-So, why did they send _you_?-he continued to ask questions, but his tone wasn't polite.

-Write to the Clave and ask them.-she answered coldly.

For a moment, it looked like his answer will be: _I may just do that._ , but then he sighed and looked away from her.

_This is weird._ she thought ironically. _No sarcastic comments from Jace Lightwood? It may snow in the desert today._

But, she kept her thoughts for herself and came close to him, pretending this conversation had never happened. That was the easiest way to handle it.

-So, are we joining Alec and Isabelle or not?-she touched his forearm, waiting for his answer. She had to lead him, either to the kitchen or to his room. It was up to him to choose.

His eyes were back on her in a second. He seemed confused, like he couldn't understand her indifference, how she could be so cold, no matter how much she knew about him. But, she didn't react or explain. She didn't mind at all being incomprehensible to him. The less he, or anyone, knew about her, the better.

After few moments of silence, he chose.

-Let's go to the kitchen.-he said, but there was something in his voice she couldn't understand, like he was hiding something from her.

_Never mind._ she thought. _I already know too much about him and it's not of use at all. I don't even want to guess what's in his head._

They went slowly to the kitchen. When they entered, they found Isabelle and Alec sitting at the table. Both of the Lightwoods looked at them curiously, especially at Victoria, so she guessed they had just been talking about her and Jace. Was there any nice word about her, she didn't want to ask not even herself.

-Is the food coming soon?-Jace asked while she was helping him to sit down.

-It should.-Isabelle answered to him, but then glanced at Alec again.

Victoria sat on the chair next to Jace and stared at her hands on the wooden table. She ignored gazes of the Lightwoods, pretending she wasn't even there. But, she knew they were aware of her and her presence obviously made them feel uncomfortable. They weren't afraid of her, of course, but were obviously determined not to talk about anything private in front of her. Not that she minded.

-Where's Clary?-Isabelle asked at last after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

-She had to go to the store with her mother.-Jace explained, livening up a bit at the mention of Clary.

-She wants her to choose the dress for the wedding.-

Isabelle grinned.

-If I had gone with her, I bet her own mother wouldn't have recognized her.-

-You don't discuss people's tastes, Isabelle.-Alec pointed out.

-I'm just saying she could look much prettier if she changed her style a bit.-Isabelle sighed.

-Victoria, you're a girl. You know what I mean.-

Victoria was so surprised that someone had said something to her and interrupted her thoughts in their wandering that she held her breath. She noticed confused expressions on faces of others, so she pulled herself together.

-I don't really know much about those things.-she shrugged.

-I've spent my life among people in gears. Fashion doesn't change really much in Idris.-

-I can easily believe that.-Isabelle nodded, dissatisfied.

But, then the expression on the other girl's face suddenly changed into curiosity.

-We don't know much about you, Victoria.-Isabelle's gaze focused on her.

-How old are you?-

-I'm eighteen.-Victoria answered carefully.

She wondered how long this interrogation would last and hoped it will end before Isabelle gives Jace a chance to laugh at her again.

-This is your first visit to New York?-Alec asked the next question.

-Yes.-she answered, but then remembered to try to fully take part in the conversation. It couldn't do harm for her to be communicative.

-Actually, this is the first time I'm out of Idris since I was a girl. Even though I'm a mundane, it's weird not to see only people with runes on their skin around.-

-Alicante is beautiful.-Alec continued the conversation.

-You're lucky to live there. Especially considering you're mundane.-

Victoria just nodded, not knowing exactly what to say to that. But, Isabelle broke the silence in.

-How did the Shadowhunters find you?-she asked.

Victoria held her breath again. She didn't remember much of that day, since she had been young, but she didn't like to talk about it. But, she always had a short version of the events, made up just for this type of questions.

-I saw two of them killing a demon and started to scream. They realised I could see them, so they took me with them to Alicante.-

-How old were you?-compassion was heard in Isabelle's voice.

-Six.-Victoria answered, her gaze returning on her hands. She liked to avoid that subject and she couldn't look at people's eyes while talking about it.

The Lightwoods didn't question her anymore, realising she didn't want to discuss it any further. For few moments there was silence. Then, suddenly Alec got up and left the room. Isabelle got up too, but just to get something to drink.

Victoria sat still on her chair, feeling relief. She managed to avoid the worst. But, then the least likely person broke the silence in.

-And your parents?-Jace whispered, like he didn't want his sister to hear him.

-Didn't you miss them?-

It felt like her heart jumped into her throat. She was afraid of that question. So many years had gone since the time, but she still remembered all the loneliness, all the pain.

-I was an orphan.-she managed to say out loud, but her voice was just a whisper, like Jace's.

She wasn't sure if Isabelle had heard her, but since the other girl said nothing, Victoria guessed she hadn't. But, she shivered and had no strength to look at Jace.

_How did I let this happen?_ she asked herself almost desperately. _I've never told this to anyone. Nobody should have known about it. I don't want anyone to feel pity for me._

They said nothing more. After few minutes, Alec came back, carrying two pizzas in his hands. He put them on the table and opened them, allowing the scent to fill the room and their nostrils.

Although she was hungry, Victoria couldn't make herself to eat much. She knew her skin was pale and she stared at everything beside eyes of others. Talk with Jace had affected her really much and, noticing his tensed hands, she guessed he knew it. But, to her surprise, he wasn't sarcastic at all. He ate almost automatically, like his thoughts were elsewhere.

After they had eaten, Alec and Isabelle got up.

-We're going to Magnus's.-Isabelle said, following her brother out of the kitchen.

-Do you need us to bring you anything?-

Victoria wondered who Magnus was, but didn't ask.

-I don't, but thanks.-she answered and then looked at Jace's direction, but not at his face.

-Jace, you?-

He shook his head.

-Nothing, thanks.-

Isabelle shrugged and then left the room.

Victoria got up and cleaned the table a bit. Then she came near Jace and leaned on the chair she had sat on.

-You didn't mock me.-she stared at him like the sharpness of her gaze could make him talk.

-Why?-

He raised his eyebrows.

-Why should I have mocked you?-

-Nothing held you back this morning.-she answered, unsure if he was mocking her again or really didn't know what she was talking about.

He sighed, but his lips shaped a smile. Not a pleasant one.

-That mockery stays between you and me.-he said.

-If you're going to train me, you better get used to it.-

Now it was time for her eyebrows to rise.

-If I remember correctly, you said that you wouldn't train until your sight comes back.-

-I've changed my mind. Again.-he pointed out the last word.

She was a bit confused, but knew better than to ask for an explanation. It might make him to change his mind once again if she questioned him too much. And even though it would be easier for her if he didn't agree to train, she wanted him to. It was the way she could help him, the way she could do her duty.

_Be careful what you wish._ she sighed_. If he's going to mock me the entire time, this trainings may be the worst idea I've ever had._


	11. Impossible to imagine

-Now?-she said it in normal voice, but Jace knew she was close.

He had been listening to her voice for the last three weeks, absorbing her shouts and whispers, trying not to see, but to _hear_ how far she had stood. At first, he had still had troubles. He had been trying, but without any success. But, Victoria hadn't given up. She hadn't let him to give up. They had been practising for hours until he had learned. Until his ears had learned, like she had promised they would.

-Inside.-

-Well done.-she answered and he heard her steps coming closer.

-Congratulations. You've passed the test without a single mistake.-

Jace grinned.

-You won't say you're proud of me?-he asked eagerly, but that was just a show.

He couldn't describe how grateful he was to her. She was the one who should be praised for his progress. If she hadn't pushed him, hadn't forced him to continue even after he had lost all hope, he would still have been lying in the bed, ignoring the rest of the world and curled up in his misery and sadness.

He heard her laugh.

-Of course I'm proud of you.-she said, touching his forearm gently.

He knew what was about to follow.

-Do you want me to read you now?-

She had asked him that every day after the practice and every time the answer had been the same. It was a kind of a daily ceremony for them, but he needed it as to such an extent as he needed the practice.

-Yes.-he said.

He had insisted that everyone else had to be ignorant of their practice. He hadn't wanted his family to be disappointed if he had failed. Even though Victoria had tried to convince him he wouldn't fail, she had agreed to his request. Obviously she had seen there had been no use in arguing with him. So she had drawn the circle in her own bedroom, where nobody could enter without passing through his room first. The others had sometimes come back earlier, so it would have been suspicious if they have found them in the training room. In her room the two of them had been safe.

Practice remained their secret, not even Clary knew about it. Every time they had heard somebody coming into his room, Victoria had covered the circle with the carpet and they had pretended she had been reading to him. Except for the first day, reading had always come after the practice, since the Institute had always been empty in the morning.

Now he lay down on her bed, trying to set the pillow in more comfortable position. She sat in the chair next to the bed and picked up the book from the cabinet.

At first, it had seemed strange to lie in another girl's bed. It had seemed like he had been cheating on Clary. But, Victoria had never shown any sign of attraction to him. She had been as cold as ice, like she hadn't been capable of feelings. She had never seemed uncomfortable or nervous. It had seemed that she hadn't cared at all that a boy had been lying in her bed. He had found that weird, but hadn't asked for an explanation.

After some time, he had gotten used to it.

Now he didn't even think about it. He just couldn't wait for her to start reading.

Magic of her voice proved its worth once again. He saw Kitty's conversation with Levin, he saw blocks with letters on it. He could read again, could see what questions they asked and what answers they gave. That didn't surprise him anymore.

But, something else did. He could also feel what they were feeling, because Victoria's voice filled his mind completely. He even forgot that he could see, because there were things he couldn't see with his eyes. He felt warmth of Kitty's and Levin's words, he felt love that was streaming between them. It felt like that love was filling some vacancy in his heart that he didn't even know it existed. It seemed like he had forgotten that kind of love and now he was remembering again.

_I love you, Clary._ it has been so long since the last time he had said that to her. _I wish you were here, listening to this story with me. But, you're not, you're killing demons and making Isabelle jealous because you're learning so fast. I wish you were here._

-Would you do it?-he said suddenly, surprising not only Victoria, but also himself.

-Would you leave your duties, your family, just because of love like Anna did?-

She stopped reading and he heard her closing the book.

-I don't know.-she said after few moments of silence.

-Now I probably wouldn't. I can't put myself in Anna's situation because of the reason you're already familiar with.-

He knew she was talking about the fact she has never been in love. He felt a shade of shame crossing his mind.

-But, can't you imagine ... -he tried, but she interrupted him.

-Would you leave everything from your life because of Clary?-she asked her question before he could finish his.

-Would you leave the Lightwoods, Shadowhunters, everything you are if she asked you to?-

He thought of Clary, of her green eyes, of the shine in them he remembered when she was looking at him. He remembered his own heart pounding in his chest like it was going to jump out of it. He remembered when he had been told they were siblings; it had felt like a Seraph blade had pierced his heart. He remembered relief he had felt when they had discovered in Idris it wasn't true. He would leave anything for Clary, he would do the same as Anna. But, he would never leave her, no matter what anyone else said. He would be by her side as long as she would want him to be.

-I would.-he answered.

-I love her. I've never loved anyone the way I love her.-

-I can guess as much.-Victoria's voice was gentle and he could imagine a smile on her lips.

But, then it changed.

-But, you asked me to imagine myself being in love with somebody as much as you're in love with her. Now I'll ask you to imagine something just to see how some things are impossible even to imagine.-

-OK.-he didn't feel comfortable right now. He didn't want even to guess what kind of dreadful thing he would have to imagine. Clary's death, her abduction, her injuries? Only a thought seemed too terrifying.

-You and Clary are married, you have a child.-her voice again created pictures in his mind, although she wasn't reading.

He saw Clary, completely grown up, but still short and stubborn and a child with blond hair and green eyes in her hands. They smiled and seemed so happy. He could feel his lips shaping a smile too.

He listened to Victoria, wanting this life in his mind to continue.

-But, after few years your life became a habit. Your love weakened and now you're together just because of the child. And suddenly, you meet a girl and you fall deeply in love with her. You think about her the entire day. And she returns your feelings. Would you do your duty and stay with Clary and the child, even though you're not in love with her anymore? Or would you leave with the girl you love now and who loves you?-

She had been right; he couldn't imagine it. He couldn't imagine his love for Clary being gone. It was impossible.

-I can't imagine that.-he admitted.

-I can't imagine I could love anyone like I love Clary.-

-And I can't imagine myself being in love enough to answer your question.-Victoria said calmly.

-So, shall I read further or not?-

But, before he could answer, the person they had just been talking about came in Victoria's room. Jace could recognize her small and fast steps, something he couldn't do before he started to practise with Victoria.

-Hi, Victoria.-Clary said, but fast, like she was impatient.

-Hi, Clary.-Victoria answered, but with no offence in her voice.

Jace heard she put down the book on the cabinet and got up.

-I'll see you later, Jace.-she said to him and now he recognized her steps, calm and almost soundless, leaving the room.

She did that every day, too. Whenever Clary came into the room to be with him, Victoria left. He guessed she didn't want to disturb them; she let them to have privacy.

But, he realised now Clary hadn't been so often alone with him for the last few weeks. Either she had been hunting demons with the Lightwoods or they had been in company of other people in the Institute. She had always come to Victoria's room to kiss him and then she had led him out of it to be with the others. Like his company hadn't been enough for her.

-Jace.-he felt her lips on his, but returned the kiss with less enthusiasm than usually.

-How are you?-

-I'm fine.-he said, not willing even to make some sarcastic comment up. It was the truth, at least until few moments ago

-That's great to hear.-she said happily.

-Was Victoria reading to you, as usually?-

He nodded and managed to smile. He didn't want her to worry.

-Yes. We're making progress. Kitty and Levin are about to get married.-

Clary laughed. It felt so good to hear that laugh.

-You know I never remember all that names.-she said.

-Don't worry.-he said.

He felt strange for a second, like something had hurt him. But, he ignored it.

-We have about four hundred pages left. We'll finish it in two or three years.-

She laughed again and then changed the subject.

-Mum's and Luke's wedding is in two weeks, Jace. Did you get your tuxedo?-

-It's misfortune to see your date in formal clothes before the ceremony.-he laughed and caressed her face.

She leaned on his hand.

-I just want you to get your sight back. I want you to fight alongside us again. I know you miss it. I want you to see me in my new dress.-

-Would I like it?-he asked her with smile on his face.

-I'm sure you would.-she said, but then corrected herself.

-I'm sure you _will_.-

Her words hurt him. She tried to make him feel optimistic again. He didn't want that. He had faced the fact he could remain blind forever when he had started to practise with Victoria. She had made him to move and continue to live, not to wait for sight that might never come back. And he had forgotten about hope. He had learned other ways. He didn't want anyone to wake it up. The possible disappointment would destroy him.

But, he told Clary nothing about. She would say he was ridiculous and that he had to hope. Magnus had said it should take about a month for his eyes to heal. Before that, he shouldn't be surprised if his sight wasn't back. But, time ran quickly. More than half of the month had passed.

-If you say so.-it was everything he managed to say.

-Jace, are you OK?-her voice was suddenly worried.

-Did I ... -

-No, no, everything's fine.-he interrupted her.

-Let's join the others. You can tell me then how you fought. I'm sure you're already better than Izzy.-

For a moment it seemed like she will refuse his idea, but then she pulled him up to his feet.

-OK, let's go.-she agreed.

He held her hand while walking next to her, but strangely it didn't feel right. Her steps were too fast for him; her hand was somehow too small, her breathing was too loud. He couldn't understand what was going on. Next to him was Clary, the only one he has ever loved. But, still, it didn't feel right.

_Victoria._ he thought suddenly with something like longing in his mind.

But, then he pulled himself together.

_I just got used to her leading me._ he said to himself._ I love Clary. I know I do. And that will never change. This is just a habit. It's just a habit._


	12. Good offence the best defence

Victoria left Jace and Clary in her room and found herself standing in the corridor without a slightest idea where to go.

She wasn't really interested in meeting and talking to Lightwood siblings, who acted like any Shadowhunter she had ever met. They tolerated her, but didn't have high opinion of her. For them, she was barely better than a mundane. And even though they had tried to behave nicely and show interest for her life, she knew they weren't glad when she was around. Maybe she reminded them too of the state of their adopted brother.

_If only I could go back to Idris._ she thought with longing. _I could be away from all of them and especially from him._

Jace Lightwood was the source of every bad feeling inside her. He annoyed her, wore her out, confused her. He was like her second shadow, but where her real one was silent and obedient, he was loud and sarcastic. She had to admit that his behaviour had improved since the day they had met, but she still couldn't stand him sometimes. Few minutes ago, for example.

_Why did he ask me something like that?_ she wondered and accused him in the same time. _He shouldn't talk to me about that kind of things. If Clary had heard us, she would have thought I'm the one to blame. She doesn't like me at all and I haven't even done anything wrong to her. He should know better._

She walked away and wandered through the Institute, not paying attention to where she was going. Her legs moved step by step. But, even though she had no aim, she could notice something strange in the way she walked, like she should carry something with her, but she forgot where she had put it. She walked through the entire Institute, but couldn't find it.

She decided to go back to her room. With Jace being with Clary, she had no task to do. They were probably already out of her room, most likely in the kitchen with the Lightwoods.

Pounding of her heart now seemed almost painful. She had never felt her lack of family as firmly as now. All people around here seemed so close, like they would give their lives for each other without a second thought, even though they didn't share blood. And she had never felt such closeness to anyone.

_Maybe I deserve that people take pity on me._ she thought while staring at the floor beneath her feet_. I don't want it, but maybe I do deserve it. I don't want to go back to the world of mundanes, but Shadowhunters will never be my family. I've chosen this, but maybe I've made a mistake._

She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't notice the person coming towards her before she bumped into her. She almost fell on the floor, but managed to keep her balance. Her gaze studied the person in front of her for a moment and then she recognized her.

-Clary?-Victoria was completely surprised to see the red-haired girl.

-What are you doing here? I thought you were with Jace.-

-I was.-Clary's voice was firm.

-He's in the kitchen with Isabelle and Alec. I'll go back to be with them. But, I wanted to talk to you in confidence.-

Victoria raised her eyebrows. She had no idea what Clary was about to say. It will be about Jace, without any doubt, but she couldn't understand what she could say that Clary didn't already know.

-All right.-she shrugged.

-I'm listening.-

Clary's eyes studied hers for a moment, like she was looking signs of deception, but then the other girl took a deep breath.

-I wanted to ask you ... -the question was obviously awkward because she took another breath.

-Has Jace told you anything about me while you were alone?-

Victoria was surprised. She had expected question about his state, maybe questions about their training if Clary had somehow found out, but not the questions about Clary's and Jace's relationship.

-Yes, he has.-she nodded, trying to make her voice as indifferent as possible.

-He's mentioned many times that he loves you very much.-

-Really?-Clary livened up the second Victoria had ended her sentence.

-Yes.-she nodded again.

-Why are you asking me this, Clary? I think his love for you is obvious to everyone.-

All the liveliness vanished from Clary's expression. Suddenly she looked like a person whose beloved had been killed. She was sad and suspicious at the same time.

-He's been growing away from me, I can feel it.-she said.

-He kisses me and he praises me, but I feel like his thoughts are always somewhere else, like he never sees me in front of him. When I ask him how he feels, he always says "Fine.", no matter if it's true or not. It feels like he's performing a play and I don't understand what it means.-

Victoria was surprised by Clary's honesty. She would never guess that somebody who practically didn't know her at all will speak so openly to her and ask for her opinion in such, at least for Clary, important matter. But, she doubted she could help her. She always left them to be alone, so she didn't know how Jace acted when he was alone with Clary. He had said very clearly to her that he loved Clary more than anything else. How she couldn't see it, it was a riddle Victoria couldn't solve.

-He said to me that he would leave everything if you ask him to.-she answered, quoting Jace's words.

-He couldn't even imagine being in love with somebody else. I think you don't have to worry.-

A flash of relief appeared on Clary's face, but then she frowned.

-Why did he even imagine himself being in love with somebody else?-her voice wasn't quite steady.

Victoria sighed. She didn't like the way this conversation was heading to. But, she had no reason not to tell the truth.

-We discussed some event in _Anna Karenina_.-she answered, but didn't precise.

Clary didn't seem satisfied with the answer.

-And why was necessary for Jace to imagine himself being in love with somebody else?-her eyes didn't leave Victoria's face for a moment and she emphasised the importance of the matter by asking a question almost the same as the one before.

At that point, Victoria wanted to laugh. She finally understood what this was all about. Clary was jealous of her; she thought that Victoria was trying to take Jace away from her.

_Believe me, nothing could be farther from the truth._ she thought. _Firstly, I'd never do that to anyone; secondly, this is Jace Lightwood we're talking about, the most annoying person I've ever met._

But, then, she suddenly saw picture of him in her mind and realized what the thing she had thought lost and couldn't have found was. It was Jace's hand on hers, something that had become part of her in the last three weeks. No matter how much he annoyed her, she had to admit that she had got used to it. Somehow, she even missed it. He had made her laugh more times than she wanted to admit to herself. Once he had stopped complaining, she had even enjoyed their trainings.

She didn't want to laugh anymore. If she did have feelings for Jace, whatever like they might be, she had no right to judge Clary's jealousy.

-We discussed if he would do for you what Ana did for Vronsky.-she explained.

-You still haven't explained why.-Clary didn't let her avoid the question.

Victoria sighed.

_You wanted the truth._ she thought.

-The question was what he would do if he fell in love with somebody else while being married to you. Would he do his duty and stayed with you or listen to his emotions and leave with his new love.-

Clary held her breath.

-What did Jace answer?-she managed to speak.

Victoria had wanted to laugh to Clary's jealousy before, now it annoyed her. It had happened, or actually hadn't happened, just in imagination, why did Clary make such a big deal about it?

-Does it matter?-she said, on the brink of being rude.

-Of course it does.-Clary didn't hide her almost contempt anymore.

-He's my boyfriend.-

-I know he is.-Victoria crossed her arms over her chest.

-And I know what you're implying, Clary. But, there's nothing between me and Jace. He loves only you. That should be enough for you.-

But, it obviously wasn't.

-You are the reason he's been growing away from me.-Clary pointed with forefinger at her.

-You're with him the entire time and you chose that book intentionally so you could make him fall in love with you.-

For few moments, Victoria didn't know what to say. She wanted to laugh to Clary's face, but knew it would just make everything worse. But, she had no slightest intention to let the other girl to insult her.

-Are you out of your mind?-she was still stunned.

-I grabbed the first book that had been at hand. And I've never done or even _thought _about doing anything to steal him from you. Ask him. He will tell you the same.-

-If he's already in love with you, he won't.-Clary didn't give up.

Victoria sighed.

-He's not in love with me. And I'm most certainly not in love with him.-

Clary spoke almost before Victoria finished her sentence.

-I don't believe you.-

Victoria shrugged.

-I can't do much about it. But, what I feel for Jace is closer to scorn than to love. I'm sure he feels the same. The circumstances made us spend time together. I doubt we would ever have talked to each other if the situation had been different.-

-Whenever I come he's in your room, on your bed.-Clary said with poison in her voice.

-I wouldn't let anyone who I despise to lie on my bed.-

Victoria had a good explanation for that, too, but she couldn't use it. Jace had made her promise not to tell anyone and even though first part of their training had been done, she didn't want to break that promise, not even to get rid of Clary and her accusations.

-I read to him. He insists on it.-she explained before Clary could interrupt her.

-Maryse asked me to help him. I'm just doing what I was told.-

Clary snorted.

-You're lying.-she growled.

-I don't know what you did to Jace, but I won't let him leave me because of you.-

Suddenly, Victoria felt rage rising inside of her. She couldn't explain it, but she could feel her heart pounding faster, a strong desire to punch the other girl.

Clary's words showed her something. A girl who could say those words wasn't worthy of Jace.

-So, that's what this is all about. You.-she spat the last word.

For a second, Clary seemed confused.

-What are you talking about?-she asked.

-You won't let him leave you.-Victoria quoted her words.

-It's no wonder he's been growing away from you.-

Now Clary was furious again.

-Take that back.-she threatened.

-It's all about you, isn't it?-Victoria couldn't hold her rage back.

-How much time did you spend with him since his injury, Clary?-

For a second, Clary was caught off guard.

-I came to see him every day.-she said after she had pulled herself together.

-Yes, you did.-Victoria nodded with a sarcastic expression on her face.

-And how much time did you spend talking about him, not about yourself? Every conversation I have heard between you two was all about you and your life. How you kill demons, how your mother's getting married and you're helping her, how you're very happy because of her and Luke.-

-I know Jace wants me to talk about it.-Clary raised her voice.

-He doesn't want to talk about his injury and I'm not forcing him. Opposite of you, obviously.-

-You're not forcing him to do anything.-Victoria couldn't make herself to sound calmly.

-He's like a golden fish to you now, helpless. If you had it your way, he would lie in his bed the entire day, waiting for you to come and show him a sign of attention. Just because he's blind you treat him like he's incapable of anything. And he's not.-

-How would you know?!-Clary was now shouting.

-Stay out of our relationship! And stay away from Jace!-

-Go and talk to Maryse about that.-Victoria answered coldly.

-See if she will agree. And if Jace will agree too.-

This provocation was the final drop. Clary couldn't stand it anymore.

-Shut up!-she yelled and made as if to hit her.

But, even without angel's blood in her veins, Victoria had more years of training then Clary. She knew the ways Shadowhunters moved and attacked and she knew how to defend herself.

She grabbed Clary's small fist and blocked the hit. She ran her fingernails into Clary's skin, making her gasping in pain. She used the moment of Clary's distraction to punch her in the stomach, not allowing herself to be merciful. Clary had attacked her first and she had every right to defend herself.

_After all, good offence the best defence._ Victoria almost laughed while staring at the other girl as Clary tried to catch her breath.

-It's your own fault if Jace isn't as in love with you as he used to be.-she let herself to be rude.

Clary's furious gaze showed her that the blow had hit the target. But, she said nothing.

-Everything's about you.-Victoria continued, letting all the rage to come out.

-Will he leave _you_, does he love _you_, how does he feel about _you_. Maybe you should try to see something else in his eyes beside yourself.-

She wanted to move away from Clary, to stop looking at this girl who had made her so angry. And she realized that it wasn't her feelings that she was worried about, it was Jace's.

_What would he say if he heard us?_ she wondered. _Would he hate me for my words about Clary's love for him? Or he would think I was right?_

She couldn't stand it anymore. There were too many feelings in her head that she couldn't understand right now and she had to calm down.

She bypassed Clary and opened the door to Jace's room. When she entered, she wanted to close it, but Clary's foot blocked the way.

-I'll talk to Jace. He won't forgive you this, _mundane_.-she growled, with special scornful emphasis on the last word. Then she turned around and started to walk away.

Victoria stood stunned for few moments, unable to speak. Nobody, in all her life in Idris, the homeland of Shadowhunters, had called her _mundane_. And Clary just had. It had sounded like an insult of the worst kind, even though it was true.

For reasons she couldn't understand, Victoria felt tears falling on her cheek. She hadn't even been aware of them until now. But, she was shivering and she knew that all the emotions will soon come out of her like a tsunami. She stared for few more moments at the empty corridor and then she ran into her room without even closing the door. Tears fell on the floor of Jace's room, but she didn't care.

In a second, she was in her room, slamming the door behind her back. She jumped on her bed and hugged the pillow like a child. In that moment she did feel like a child again, alone and banished from the world she had thought she knew.

Her tears soon made the sheets wet like the Institute had suddenly leaked. It seemed like they will never stop falling. But, they did and a second after that, fatigue carried her into a world of dreams.


	13. Clary's plan

**This chapter is from Clary's point of view. I don't know if there will be more of them, but this one was necessary. Enjoy :)**

_How dares she?_ Clary didn't walk as much as she marched through the corridors of the Institute. _That insolent mundane girl._

She wanted to go straight to Jace and tell him everything, but she knew there would be no use. If he was already in love with Victoria, he will deny everything. If he wasn't, she will just turn out jealous and stupid because of her panic. No, talking to Jace wasn't an option right now.

But, the person who could be of great assistance if she wanted to just walked out of the kitchen and headed towards Clary.

-Clary, where've you been?-Isabelle yelled over half of the corridor.

-The food is waiting.-

-It will have to wait a bit more.-Clary answered while she was coming closer to Isabelle.

When the two of them finally met, Clary grabbed her friend's hand.

-Izzy, let's go to your room. I have to talk to you about something.-

Isabelle's eyes were full of surprise, but she didn't comment her words. She led the two of them to her room and when they come in, Clary closed the door behind them.

-OK, Clary, what's going on?-Isabelle made room on her bed for them to sit. It wasn't an easy task, considering that the bed was covered with half of Isabelle's wardrobe. And that was a lot of clothes.

Clary sat next to the black-haired girl.

At first, she felt slightly uncomfortable. She had never had these girl-talks. She had never needed them. But, a lot of new things had showed up since the moment she had let Jace come into her life. Obviously, girl-talks were one of them.

-Do you think there's something between Jace and Victoria?-she couldn't help herself to avoid scorn in her voice while saying Victoria's name.

She looked hopefully at Isabelle, praying for the other girl to say no. Isabelle had a lot of experience where boys were concerned and she will without any doubt tell Clary what she was seeing. And Clary trusted Isabelle's judgement more than her own about this. If Isabelle said there was nothing between Jace and Victoria, then Clary had nothing to worry about. If she said there was ... well, that was a problem.

But, Isabelle said neither.

-I don't know.-she shrugged.

-I didn't see them together very much. Whenever we come to see Jace, she leaves. I really can't guess.-

-But, don't you find that suspicious?-Clary asked immediately, not satisfied with her friend's answer.

-She's always with him when we're gone and she leaves the moment we show up. Like she's hiding something.-

Isabelle's face expression became thoughtful, like she hadn't considered that way of thinking about the situation.

-Yes, that's weird.-she admitted.

Clary was delighted with the fact that Isabelle had taken her part. Her doubts weren't unfounded. But, her happiness didn't last more than a second. If she was right, her problem was real.

She retold Isabelle the conversation between herself and Victoria, quoting every word she remembered that mundane girl had told her, trying to convince Isabelle that her anxiety was founded. Isabelle listened to her, her black eyes calm and serious and she didn't interrupt.

-How can I bring Jace back?-Clary asked after she had finished with her story.

-He can't be really in love with her. But, how can I snap him out of this fantasy?-

Isabelle didn't answer for few moments, like she needed more time to think about Clary's words.

-But, why would Victoria say that Jace loves you if she wants him for herself?-she said finally.

-There's no logic here. If I were her, I'd claim he doesn't love you anymore, that I'm his new love. I wouldn't say he still loves you.-

Clary snorted. Her plan wasn't working out.

-But, what if she wants us to think that she's innocent, that she didn't try to steal Jace from me?-she tried to bring Isabelle to reason.

-If she tries to hide her love for him, of course she will deny everything. It's logical.-

-You have a point.-Isabelle nodded.

-She seems clever enough for that. Even for a mundane.-

-So, how are we going to take Jace away from her?-Clary's voice almost shivered, due to her excitement to finally have Isabelle's full support.

-_We_ aren't going to do anything.-Isabelle's eyes shone cunningly.

-_You_ have to show him what he would lose if he left you. I think that should be enough.-

Clary felt goose bumps on her skin as nervousness was overwhelming her. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that step, even with Jace.

-O, don't look so shocked.-Isabelle rolled her eyes, seeing Clary's thoughts written on her face.

-I didn't mean that you sleep with him, at least not right now. But, you know better than me what he loves about you. Point that out in front of him. Remind him why he has fallen in love with you. Make him forget about Victoria.-

Clary couldn't hold herself back from letting a sigh of relief out. Sometimes it was hard for someone as inexperienced as she was to discuss her love life with Isabelle. At least Isabelle had understanding this time.

-But, I don't know what Jace loves about me. I mean, he always says that he loves everything about me, but I don't know what particularly.-

-Then you have no problem.-Isabelle said.

-You can choose whatever you think it will draw his attention back to you. And you have to do it in front of Victoria.-

Until now, this had seemed like a good plan.

-Why?-Clary looked at her friend, confused completely.

-Because that's how we'll prove that she has feelings for him. If she's in love with him, she'll be jealous.-Isabelle explained.

Clary felt her cheeks becoming red as her hair.

_You think, the way I was jealous._ she thought. _The way I am jealous. But, it's only because I love Jace so much. I just can't imagine being without him._

-So, what will you choose?-Isabelle's voice broke Clary's thoughts in.

-Any suggestions?-she looked at Isabelle with pleading gaze in her green eyes. Isabelle knew better what the best option would be.

But, before the black-haired girl could reply, the answer showed up in Clary's mind. She should have thought of that ages ago. It was the easiest thing she could do and it will hurt Victoria the most.

-Wait!-her sudden scream made Isabelle jump.

-I know what I'll do.-

-What?-Isabelle's head came closer to hers, like they were planning a conspiracy.

-I'll spend the entire day with Jace tomorrow.-she replied.

-I won't leave him for a second. I'll replace her and she won't be able to stand it.-

-Nice plan.-Isabelle laughed.

-I didn't know you're capable of being malicious.-

-I'm capable of everything when someone messes up with the people I love.-Clary herself was surprised by coldness of her voice.

-Maybe someone should have told this girl what had happened to Valentine.-

**Just to say, I won't be able to update as often as before, unfortunately the school has started. But, I'll try to write new chapters as fast as I can. Thanks for all the reviews and all those who faved/ followed this story. I apologize again for every grammar or spelling mistake I made, I hope you won't hold it too much against me :)**


	14. How can it be called love

-Jace! Jace!-somebody pushed him, trying to wake him up.

The voice was familiar, but it wasn't the voice that usually woke him up. This voice was loud and urgent, like it was giving orders. It didn't match to those gentle whispers that he had got used to hear in the morning while the last bits of his dreams were abandoning him. Every morning he heard that whispers and his heart skipped a beat, ready for the new day. He knew she will try to embellish his life and she had never left him down. He had faith in her, because she was the one who had had faith in him when he had needed it. She still had faith in him. And he was grateful for that.

But, now he had to focus for few moments to recognize this voice. And then he saw her picture in his mind. Her red curls and green eyes.

-Clary.-he said, stretching his hands out above his head.

-Good morning, my love.-she replied.

He almost stared at her in amazement. She had never called him "my love", not even in their most private moments. But, he managed to hold himself back. She loved him and he loved her. There was no reason to wonder at her choice of words.

-Good morning to you, too.-he said while lowering his hands back on the bed.

-What are you doing here?-

-We'll spend this entire day together!-Clary's voice was extremely cheerful.

-Today there will be no demons or dresses or wedding plans for me. There'll be only Jace Lightwood, Jace Lightwood and Jace Lightwood.-

She was so happy about her plan. She wanted to spend the entire day with him, to enjoy his company. He should be happy, he had wanted so long for that to happen. But, no matter that he knew he should be happy as much as she was, he just couldn't feel the same enthusiasm that he had heard in her voice.

But, he couldn't let her see that. She will be sad and he didn't want her to be sad.

-That sounds great.-he said, doing his best to sound delighted.

-I'm glad you think so.-she laughed.

He nodded, but more for Clary's sake.

Somehow he didn't want to spend the day with her. He had completed part of the training with success yesterday. He wanted to see what the next step in his and Victoria's practice was. Those few hours were the thing he had lived for during the last three weeks. He realized it only now.

_It's not Clary's kisses and visits that I need so much_. he surprised even himself, but there was no doubt his words were truthful_. Maybe I depended on it for the first few days, but then she started to live without me and I started to live without her. I thought I could never do that, but I have to admit that I did. I don't know if we spent more than few minutes alone every day. And we didn't even spend an hour together every day. She always had something else to do._

Those thoughts hurt him, but he remembered Victoria's words: "The truth hurts." And he knew it was the truth. He and Clary grew away from each other. Maybe he had been wrong thinking she was the love of his life. Maybe love wasn't something one could achieve in only few months, for how long he and Clary knew each other. Maybe they had been blinded by their emotions.

_When one is in love, he thinks there's nothing that can stand on the way of that love._ he saw pictures of Clary and himself back in the days after their first kiss in his mind. _We wanted so much that things were different, that we weren't brother and sister. And we wanted, _I_ wanted, to go against all rules just to be together. But, what if only that desire for each other made us think we love each other? What if we were only in love, but we didn't actually love each other? Would real love break as easily as I feel our love does?_

Maybe he knew nothing about love. Maybe he was more of a child than Victoria was. She had never pretended she knew anything about love. And he always had. He had always thought his love was unbreakable, completely perfect. But, he couldn't help the feeling that Clary had let him down. She hadn't been here when he had needed her the most. She didn't understand, not even now, how he felt.

_And if you let your loved one down, if you don't understand, how can it be called "love"?_ he was completely disinterested in what she was saying right now. He didn't listen to her at all.

He didn't want to be here with her now. He wanted to run away from her, to clear his head. It was the only way their relationship could be saved. He needed to think what to say to her, because if he told her what was in his heart right now, their relationship would be over in a second. And, as much as he knew it was falling apart, it didn't want it to end. He had promised himself that he will love Clary as long as he lived. He didn't want to break that promise. Clary was still the same girl he had fallen in love with. The only question was if there was enough strength and will in both of them to make their love grow and keep it from fading.

-Jace?-he felt her hand pushing his.

-Are you alright? You're not listening to me at all.-

He snapped out of his thoughts; he had to.

-I'm sorry, I mused.-he formed a smile on his lips just to avoid making her suspicious.

-What were you saying?-

-You should go and tell Victoria she has a day off.-she repeated, but seemed strangely too happy about it.

Jace couldn't guess what that had been about, but Clary was right. He should go and tell Victoria about Clary's plan.

_She'll be delighted to get rid of me for a day._ he thought, but that thought wasn't making him to smile sarcastically like he had thought it would. Somehow, world with it seemed like a lonely place. Where was no Victoria ...

_I don't even know her last name._ he realized. _There are so many things I don't know about her. Like love, I think I know everything, but I actually know nothing._

He got up suddenly, not offering Clary a chance to help him. He knew perfectly well now where Victoria's room was. He could get to it on his own.

But after few steps, he felt Clary's hand grabbing his.

-Jace, wait.-she said, catching up with him.

-I'll help you.-

He didn't need her help. He didn't want it.

_You had your chance to help me, but you didn't._ he wanted to say, but he held himself back. He didn't want to hurt Clary, even though he knew she had hurt him.

When they came close to the door that led to Victoria's room, Jace raised his hand and knocked firmly, but not roughly.

Surprisingly, there was no answer.

He knocked again, with the same result.

He felt prick of worry in his chest. Victoria was always awake in this time. Even if she had decided to stay in her room when she had seen Clary, there was no reason for her not to answer.

He remembered suddenly that he hadn't seen Victoria since she had left him and Clary yesterday. She hadn't even come to dinner and he had been escorted back to his room by Alec and Isabelle.

_I can't believe I forgot her._ he sighed. _Something bad could happen to her. How could I forget her? She's my ..._

Once again, he didn't allow himself to finish his thought. It was too much of a shock, so soon after he had realized that his relationship with Clary was going in wrong direction. He didn't know exactly how to describe his feelings for Victoria and he was afraid of them. It seemed Victoria was taking Clary's place in his heart. And he wasn't sure if he would agree with that or not. He didn't trust his own heart right now. Going into Victoria's room was probably the worst thing he could do right now.

But, he didn't listen to his reason. He was too worried for her. She could have passed out, be on the brink of death. How could he abandon her now and live with himself after?

He opened the door and hurried towards Victoria's bed, letting Clary's hand in the process.

-Victoria!-he started to grab the sheets on her bed, trying to locate her in panic.

And suddenly, he touched something that wasn't a sheet. It was hair, Victoria's hair.

It was so smooth and light in his hand, it felt like it was made for caressing. He could guess by its length that it reached about a half of Victoria's back. He followed it until he reached her face. In the exact moment he touched her skin, her hand grabbed his.

-What?-she asked, but her voice was still sleepy, like she didn't quite understand what was going on.

But, it changed in a second, like she had finally opened her eyes and seen him.

-Jace?-but, there was no anger or offence in her voice, just confusion.

She let his hand go and he found himself wanting for her to hold it just a bit more. But, her hand didn't come back, although he still didn't move his from her face.

-Jace.-he heard Clary's voice next to him and she seemed completely dissatisfied.

-Don't you have something to tell Victoria?-

He felt Clary's hand removing his from Victoria's face. He didn't resist, although part of him wished to. Then he heard Victoria getting up from her bed and suddenly didn't know where to look. It seemed strange even to himself, considering the fact his sight was still gone.

-I'm listening.-Victoria said, but he could guess that she stood behind the bed. He smiled, knowing that without her help, he would never be able to know that.

-I wanted to tell you ... -Jace started, but then suddenly remembered.

-Do we disturb you? I mean, we dashed into your room without asking for permission, you could still be wearing your pyjama ... -

He felt his tongue entangle. Every person in the room felt differently about it. He was embarrassed, Clary, who squeezed his hand, was furious and Victoria, who laughed, amused.

-You don't have to worry, Jace.-Victoria said and he could hear laugh in her voice.

-I fell asleep in my clothes yesterday. I don't wear anything inappropriate. Clary can confirm.-

He sighed in relief. She didn't think he was mean. And he managed to make her laugh which made him feel content. But, when she mentioned Clary's name, he felt Clary's squeeze tightening again. So he went back to the reason why they had come.

-Clary said we would spend this day together.-he tried to sound as indifferent as possible.

-So, you have the entire day for yourself, free of worrying about me. Have fun.-

Clary pulled his hand so he would follow her, but he stopped the moment Victoria spoke again.

-Do you forgive me?-she asked.

He was confused. He had no idea what she was talking about.

-What do I have to forgive?-he wondered.

There was silence after his question. Nobody answered. Then Clary pulled his hand again.

-Jace, let's go. We did what we had to do. Now we're wasting our time here.-

But, he didn't want to leave, not until he got the answer.

-What do I have to forgive?-he repeated the question, turning towards Victoria.

She didn't answer for few seconds, like she was deciding what to say.

-Nothing.-she said at last.

-I'm still a bit sleepy, I guess. I have no idea what this was. You'd better go. Enjoy your day together.-

With that seeing off, he went numb. It gave Clary the chance to finally take him out of Victoria's bedroom.

But, while following his girlfriend, he didn't even think about where they were going. There was another girl on his mind. Victoria was never like this. She had never said nonsense and she had never been impolite towards him. But, he didn't have the slightest idea what was wrong with her.

_I'll talk to her the moment Clary leaves._ he decided. _I won't ruin this day for her, but I __won't either leave Victoria to face her problems alone. She's helped me. Now it's the time for me to help her._


	15. Something that will explain everything

Victoria continued to stare at the closed door for few more moments after Jace and Clary had left her room. She just couldn't make herself to move. Shame chained her for the spot where they had left her, like she had suddenly been transformed into a statue.

_How could I be so reckless?_ she kept asking herself. _I mocked Clary in front of Jace. Even worse, I used him to mock her. He didn't deserve that. _

Jace's confused face expression still floated in her mind. But, there was more than just confusion in it. It seemed like he was worried, like he thought he had really done something bad to her.

_I have to apologize to him._ she decided. _The moment he gets back, I'll apologize. I'll try to explain him, but I won't say to him what Clary told me, how she called me. I'll solve my problems with Clary myself. I won't tell Jace anything and Clary can tell him whatever she wants._

She was relieved for making that decision, so she was finally able to move.

She got changed, not wanting to walk around in crumpled clothes, and then left her room. She headed towards the kitchen, having getting something to eat in her mind. Since she hadn't eaten for almost half of the day yesterday, she was really hungry.

But, food and everything else vanished from her mind the moment she entered the kitchen. She found herself facing a young man, but not like any one she had ever seen.

He was about twenty years old, she couldn't guess exactly. He didn't wear Shadowhunters' gear, but jeans, T-shirt and trainers like an ordinary mundane. But, that was just a mask. Even though he obviously wasn't a Shadowhunter, with his lack of scars that originated from runes, he belonged to the Shadow World. If he didn't, he wouldn't be standing there for her to see him. But, when he looked at her, he seemed more startled than she was. His eyes, exactly like cat's, stared at her like he saw a ghost.

-What are you doing here?-he asked.

-How did you come in?-

She was a bit confused by his questions, but still kept her wits. She didn't like the tone of his voice, half-surprised, but also half-offensive, so her voice was cold when she answered.

-I came in like most of the people do, through the door.-she answered, not letting herself to turn her gaze. She had seen a lot of unusual things in her life, she couldn't be scared by someone with cat's eyes.

-And you should be able to guess why people come into a kitchen. I'm hungry.-

She bypassed him, not waiting for him to answer. But, while she was searching for something to eat in the fridge, she couldn't help herself but to be ashamed again.

_What's happening to me? I'm so spiteful towards people lately. And I don't even know this man._ she wondered, but then found the reason. _It's that fight with Clary yesterday. It cost me every bit of patience and kindness I've ever had._

She took a strawberry-yogurt and closed the fridge. After she took a gulp of yogurt, she swallowed and turned towards the man again.

-I apologize.-she took a breath.

-I was rude, I'm sorry.-

-It's OK.-he said, his gaze now less tensed.

-My manners weren't the best either. It's just that you remind me very much of someone I know. You look exactly like her.-

-O.-she didn't know what to say, so she drank a few sips more.

-I'm Magnus, by the way.-he came closer to her and stretched his hand out.

-Victoria.-she said, grabbing the bottle of yogurt with her left hand, so she could shake hands with Magnus.

His hand seemed like any ordinary man's from the outside, but when they touched, she could feel a something like small electric shocks coming out of it. It didn't hurt, but slightly tickled. Even though she had never shaken hands with someone like him, she could guess what his secret was.

-You're a warlock, aren't you?-she asked after their hands separated and shocks were gone.

-I'm impressed.-he smiled cunningly.

-You figured it out quite fast. For a mundane, you do know much about Shadow world.-

-I had no choice but to learn.-she shrugged, but still kept her gaze on his eyes.

-How did you know I'm a mundane?-

-I've heard some things about you.-he answered.

-Jace's evil nanny.-

-Who told you that?-she asked, but she wasn't irritated. Actually, the way Magnus had said it, with hilarious and exaggerated accent, made her laugh.

-It's rumoured.-he joined her laugh.

-And I'm High Warlock of Brooklyn after all. I'm always the first to hear all new gossips around here.-

-You shouldn't believe all that you hear.-she shook her head, but a smile still on her lips.

Magnus didn't answer for few moments.

-I don't. I rather come and see for myself.-his cat eyes shone suddenly, but there was no amusement left in his voice.

-It turns out gossips are rarely truthful. And they absolutely always turn one's attention to the unimportant things while the important ones stay hidden.-

Victoria was sure his last words weren't a joke anymore. They were too serious; Magnus was too serious. And she wanted to know what the thing that had changed his mood so much was.

-And what do you find more important about me than the fact I take care for Jace?-she held his gaze.

-If you knew about me, you had to know I'm a mundane with Sight too. So, why did you come to see for yourself?-

-I didn't.-he replied at once.

-You're not the reason I'm here. Meeting you was just a bonus in this very interesting day.-

-O.-she was caught off guard, what didn't happen often. She had learned a long time ago that having a smart answer to everything could save her from mockery and humiliation. And now the situation was the other way around.

_Why did I think he came to see me?_ the shame was obviously the main feeling she felt today, but it was now joined by sadness. _I'm just a mundane who takes care for Jace Lightwood. I'm not important to anyone here, not even to Jace himself. He's kinder towards me than he used to be, but he doesn't really care for me__.__ And that hurts. I'd like to be indifferent like I was before, but I have to admit that I'm not._

-But, now that I met you, I find a lot of things about you interesting.-Magnus filled her silence in.

-Really?-she asked, raising her head.

-Like what?-

-As I said, you remind me of someone.-he said, studying her with his cat eyes.

-And it has been quite a lot time since I saw that someone. I'd like to know what link there is between the two of you. And, unfortunately, I can't ask her.-

-Why not?-Victoria didn't feel so comfortable talking to Magnus anymore.

-I don't know where she is.-he replied.

-But, if you don't mind, I'd ask you. Do you mind?-

-Why are you asking me if I mind, when you're going to ask the question whatsoever?-she wanted to run away, to avoid his questions.

But, her legs didn't listen. She couldn't run away now. Maybe he knew something. Something that will explain everything.

-If you do mind, I won't ask you.-he answered.

-I respect other's privacy. People stuck their noses in mine too often, so I know how it feels.-

She stared at him for few more moments and then took a deep breath.

-Ask.-she said.

-Who are your parents?-he did as she told at once.

She felt pain in her chest, like the air was suddenly knocked out of her lungs, but then pulled herself together.

-I don't know.-she shrugged.

-I was an orphan when Shadowhunters found me.-

Magnus frowned.

-And you don't remember anything about them? Or about the time before you were found?-his cat eyes were restless.

-No.-she shook her head.

-I barely remember living in the orphanage. And absolutely nothing before it.-

-And where is this orphanage?-he asked.

-In a town somewhere in the Alps. Or so I was told.-she said, trying to find some memory of it in her mind, but not succeeding.

-Strange.-it was his only word.

His eyes left her face and stared at the floor beneath his feet. He looked lost in his thoughts, like he was very interested in her origin. Victoria couldn't quite understand why. If she learned to live with knowledge she had no family and accepted that state, why did it bother Magnus so much?

-You are a mundane with a Sight, left in orphanage not so far away from Idris and you look like her twin sister.-he mumbled, obviously unaware of the fact she was still in the room.

He knew a lot more than she did. He will have no choice but to share that knowledge.

-Who is she?-she asked loudly, making Magnus to look at her.

-The girl I remind you of.-

-I'd hardly call her a girl.-he laughed, but without real happiness in his voice.

-She's lived for quite a long time.-

-Explain.-Victoria demanded. She was tired of his secrecy.

-Careful, girl.-Magnus's voice suddenly got a dangerous note.

-I may be a nice guy when I want to be, but I won't be treated like an obedient puppy by someone few centuries younger than me.

Victoria held her breath for a moment.

She knew that warlocks were immortal, but Magnus looked so young, only a year or two older than her. It was easy to forget that he was centuries older than she was. But, his gaze made her remember that fact more than anything he had said.

-I want to know.-she said, more calmly than before, but still resolutely.

-I've never had a real family. Nobody cares for me. Please, I must know.-

Magnus smiled. It wasn't really a kind smile. Mockery and cunningness hid behind it.

-It's not what I hear.-he said.

-What do you mean?-she raised her eyebrows.

-Would you spend most of your days with someone that you don't care for?-he came few steps closer to her, like they were sharing a secret.

Victoria didn't like his movements or his words.

-If you mean there's something between me and Jace, you can't be more wrong.-she said with picture of Clary behind her eyelids.

-Why does everybody think that? We have almost nothing in common, Jace and I.-

-And still, it is told that opposites attract each other.-smile didn't leave his face for a moment.

-Even if they do, he already has a girlfriend.-she tried to sound indifferent.

But, somehow, she recognized bitterness in her own voice. And, of course, Magnus didn't miss it.

-Clary isn't his first one, and, as it seems, nor his last one.-his gaze didn't let her to separate her eyes from him.

-I didn't see you together myself, but I was told that young Mr. Lightwood has been in much better mood since you came. He's spent most of his time with you and he seems to be better. I'm sorry, but that does look suspicious.-

-I am _not_ in love with Jace.-she emphasised the most important word in the sentence.

-Who told you that? If that person thinks that's true, then he or she is completely ignorant of love.-

Suddenly, the door opened. Victoria's and Magnus's gazes turned towards it. Alec and Isabelle came in.

-Hi, Magnus.-Isabelle said, coming closer.

-Sorry we're late. Have you been waiting us for long?-

-I was lucky to have a pleasant company while waiting, so I didn't notice really.-Magnus smiled, but not at Isabelle, but at Alec.

Alec didn't seem comfortable. His eyes kept avoiding Magnus's, but stopped often on Victoria, like he was challenging her to laugh. Victoria could see no reason why to do so, so she focused on Isabelle.

-Jace's with Clary today.-she explained why she was there without him.

-Yes, we know.-Isabelle nodded.

-It's good for them to spend more time together. After all, he's her boyfriend. It's not good for them that he spends most of his time with you instead of her.-

_Clary obviously told Isabelle about our little argument._ Victoria realized. _And Isabelle obviously believes her. She thinks I'm trying to steal Jace from Clary. But, why does everyone here think so? I've done nothing wrong. I've never shown any sign of attraction to Jace. I'm _not_ attracted to Jace._

But, it was useless. She could repeat that to them for hundred times and they still wouldn't believe her. And she could repeat that to herself for hundred times and it still wouldn't stop her heart from pounding like she had just run a marathon.

She closed her eyes to calm herself, but that move only made it even worse. Behind her eyelids was picture of Jace, with a smile on his lips and shine in his eyes. He laughed about something she had said. He loved to tease her and the way she teased him back. He appreciated sharpness of her mind, something that others usually ignored. Being a mundane surrounded by Shadowhunters usually meant that she was rarely worthy of being talked to, like she was simpleminded. But, Jace was different. Even though he couldn't see her, he saw more in her than anyone before him.

And she wasn't sure if she loved him or hated him because of that. He gave her hope she had never felt, but also the hope she never wanted to feel. It could make her happier than she had ever been, but also destroy more of her than she was ready to lose.

She saw Isabelle watching her carefully, like she was waiting for Victoria to make a mistake. And she wasn't very far away from making one. She had to leave before this new secret was revealed. She managed to keep her first one undiscovered, but this one was much harder to hide.

-Yes, you're right.-she nodded.

-I'm glad she finally found time to be with him. He misses her.-

Isabelle's eyes narrowed, but Victoria didn't care. She had enough of this game.

-I'll leave you now.-she headed towards the door, but turned around before she got out.

-It was nice to meet you, Magnus. I hope we'll have the chance to continue our conversation soon.-

-It'd be my pleasure.-Magnus replied, but his face expression was no longer amused. His cat eyes were now careful and curious.

Victoria nodded at direction of the Lightwood siblings and then went out of the kitchen.

For a moment she considered to stay and eavesdrop, but then she gave up. She could hear something she wouldn't like and she wouldn't be able to stop herself from replying. And that would inevitably lead to her departure from the New York Institute.

She could do it, of course. She could intentionally cause a fight with Maryse's children. Maryse would certainly believe their words more than hers. Victoria would be sent back to Idris, back to her home immediately. Wasn't that what she wanted?

_But, there's one thing I can't pack into my suitcase and bring it with me._ she thought, torn between two longings, both for her home and for that thing, that person. _So, I have to remain here, where he is. For how long? For at least as long until I come to my senses and realize there will never be place for me in his heart._


	16. The way we see each other

-Didn't you have fun?-Clary asked him enthusiastically as they walked towards his room.

Jace didn't really know how to answer.

They had spent a day filled with periods of kissing and periods of talks that were full of awkward silences. Whenever they hadn't been kissing, they had stared almost awkwardly at each other, trying to think of something to say. Clary had tried to make him talk, but none of the subjects had lasted for long. They had talked about her mum's wedding more times than he could remember, repeating the same facts over and over again. She had described her dress, but he couldn't see it, not the way he could see events from "Anna Karenina". He had wanted to talk to her about possibility of them having some trainings together like before, now that he knew more about how not to rely only on his sight, but also of his sense of hearing, but every time he had tried to come up with the subject, Clary had started to talk about something else or interrupted him with a kiss. It had seemed like she didn't want to talk about it, much less see it happen. Why she had acted like that, he couldn't guess. He hadn't asked, afraid of the possibility that she would lie to him. And he wouldn't be able to stand her letting him down again.

-I did.-he lied, hoping that she wasn't noticing it.

Clary's hand stopped him in the last corridor before the one where the door to his room was. It took few seconds for her to speak again.

-More than you have with Victoria?-sharpness of her voice erased Jace's every doubt that she hadn't noticed his lie.

-What the time that _we_ spent together has to do with Victoria?-he asked, trying to stay calm and reasonable.

It annoyed him that Clary thought he had been cheating on her. He did nothing wrong. He had to admit that his feelings haven't been clear lately, but he was still faithful to her.

Clary was silent again for few moments, like she was considering what to say.

-Because you talked to me today like you'd give anything just to get rid of me.-she said with an accusation in her voice.

-I doubt you act like that when you're with her.-

Jace frowned.

-How do I act when I'm with her is none of your business.-he replied without a second thought.

She let go of his hand, but he had managed to feel goose bumps on her skin. He felt too late that had been too rude. He tried to relieve his words by changing his tone.

-There's nothing between me and Victoria. We're just ... -

He stopped suddenly, not knowing again how to describe Victoria's part in his life.

She had stopped being stranger to him a long time ago. She was his teacher, his motivator. She was his eyes outside his body. She was the only one who saw more than a blind man in him. She knew what lay beyond his armour of sarcasm, his fears and his feelings. She knew the words he needed to hear, she knew to listen to the words he needed to say.

-Yes? You're just what?-Clary's ironical voice interrupted his thoughts, bringing him back into the corridor where they were standing.

-We're friends.-he said at last, although "friends" definitely wasn't the word he was looking for.

-Really?-Clary sneered at his words.

-I think she doesn't feel that way, Jace.-

His heart skipped a beat.

-Why?-he asked.

-I talked to her yesterday.-there was a tone he had never heard in Clary's voice, sneers mixed with triumph.

-She said to me that the feelings she had for you were closer to scorn than to love. That's not a way to describe feelings for a friend, is it?-

Jace didn't want to believe her. Victoria would never say that. She didn't scorn him. She didn't hate him.

-I don't believe you.-he mumbled, but Clary still heard him.

-Go and talk to her then.-she replied and her voice became cold.

-It's obviously what you want to do. Ask her how she feels about you. She either lies to me or to you.-

_She'd never lie to me._ he thought, remembering what Victoria had promised him. _She always tells me the truth. It's our deal. It's only between us._

-Are you jealous of her?-he asked, wanting to turn attention away from himself.

Clary fell silent again, but she stood so close to him that he could hear her breathing. It was fast and irregular, giving her nervousness away.

-I'm not.-she said at last, but it wasn't very convincing.

-But, I love you, Jace, and I don't want someone take you away from me.-

-That sounds like jealousy to me.-his voice became cold too.

-You don't trust me. Have I ever given you a reason for that?-

-No, no.-she replied, grabbing his hand again.

-Victoria's the one I don't trust.-

But, those were the wrong words. Jace snatched his hand out of hers.

-And why don't you trust her?-

-I don't like her.-she said, like that was an explanation.

-She's not as good as she pretends to be.-

-And how'd you know?-Jace had enough of this conversation.

-You have no idea what she's like. You're just jealous because she's spent more time with me than you have.-

-So what if I am?-Clary's voice shivered, like she was about to start crying.

-You're _my_ boyfriend, Jace, not hers!-

She was losing control over herself and Jace didn't want to listen to it. As before, he just wanted to move away from her.

-I haven't felt like your boyfriend for the last three weeks.-he said coldly.

-I've felt more like a sick cousin that you had to visit, but always wanted to leave as soon as possible. Well, I won't waste your time any longer.-

He turned around, not waiting for her answer and headed right into his room. He orientated by touching the walls around him. The rest of his way wasn't difficult and soon he found his room. He entered and threw himself on his bed, trying to erase his conversation with Clary from his mind.

But, it turned out to be impossible, since the main subject of their conversation opened door that led to her bedroom and called him.

-Jace?-he heard Victoria's voice.

-Why are you alone? I thought Clary was about to come here with you.-

He wanted to lie to her, to say that Clary had to go home because Jocelyn had called her, but he couldn't do that. He wanted to talk to her. She was one of the smartest persons he has ever met. She could help him, like she had already done thousands of times.

-We had a fight.-he said, straighten up in his bed.

-You were the stumbling block.-

He heard her steps approaching and felt when she sat on his bed. But, she didn't come close to him, she didn't even touch him.

-So, she told you about her idea that I'm trying to steal you from her?-her voice sounded tired.

-Are you?-the need for laugh, for making her laugh again was stronger than anything else.

-I know I'm too handsome for any girl to resist. If I were a girl, I'd try to steal myself for myself.-

-No doubt.-he heard her laugh, big part of fatigue gone.

-How would you live with yourself as your own girlfriend, I can't even imagine.-

-We'd be a perfect couple.-he replied and smiled.

But, he remembered then what Clary had said about Victoria's feelings for him. He had to ask her, to see if he had been blind not only physically or it had just been Clary's jealousy.

-Clary said that she had talked to you yesterday.-his voice became serious, but he had trouble finding the right way to express his thoughts.

-Is it true ... that you said to her that your feelings for me were closer to scorn than to love?-

She didn't answer for few moments and her silence made his heart aching.

_You couldn't do that to me._ he suddenly felt like a child. _You promised. You wouldn't lie to me, would you?_

-Yes, I said that.-her voice was silent, but clear.

He held his breath.

-I tried to make Clary less suspicious.-she continued after few seconds had passed without his answer.

-If she believed I don't even like you, she wouldn't mention any of her jealousy to you and your relationship would remain safe. But, I didn't really succeed in it, did I?-

He could breathe again. She had lied to Clary, and it had been alright for her to do so, because she hadn't promised anything to her. But, she kept her promise that she had given to him. That was the most important.

But, this answer brought out more questions that needed to be asked. More questions that only she could answer.

-Honestly, I've just told Clary that our relationship had sucked since my injury.-he discovered that he could say those words without bitterness, like he was talking about somebody else, not himself.

-But, you tried to save it. Why?-

-Whenever I saw you with her, you were happy.-she replied matter-of-factly, her voice calm and certain.

-You said yourself that you loved her, Jace. Isn't love something worthy of saving?-

He was caught off guard. Not because of her description of his and Clary's relationship, but because of what was hiding behind her words.

_She will never look at me that way._ he realized. _She will help me to save my relationship with Clary and then she will leave. There is nothing that can keep her here. She ... she doesn't love me._

-What if I don't want it to be saved?-the words burst out of him suddenly.

-What if I've finally realized it's not worthy of saving?-

She didn't answer for more than a minute. He couldn't even hear her breathing due to his own heartbeat that was pounding in his ears. It seemed like she had vanished from the room and the thought was too scary for him. He reached forward and touched the sheets until he found her hand.

-Please, help me.-he said, afraid that his move would be seen as a sign of affection and therefore frighten her.

-I know I shouldn't want to hurt Clary, but I do. She hurt me. I needed her and she wasn't there. She didn't understand. She still doesn't. She ... -

-Jace, you know I know nothing about love.-Victoria interrupted him.

-Even if I did, I can't do much to save your relationship. I tried and it didn't work out. She hates me. Whatever I say, she'll think I lie.-

He noticed that she hadn't pulled her hand out of his. But, he had told her how much he was hurt by Clary. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt him even more.

-I don't want you to talk to her.-he said.

-I know there's no use.-

-Then, what do you want from me?-she asked and her voice sounded confused.

_I want to kiss you._ it was strange how natural the thought seemed. _I want to be the first boy that you kiss. I want you to feel about me the way I feel about you. I want to understand you the way you understand me. I want to see myself the way you see me. I want you to see yourself the way I see you._

But, he said none of it. He just couldn't make himself to say it. Maybe it was because of Clary, he hadn't actually broken up with her. But, maybe it was because of his guess that her feelings weren't the same as his. Maybe he didn't want to hear her voice say the words of rejection. He wasn't ready for that. So, he said something completely else.

-I want to know your last name.-he said, remembering his wish to know more about her. Maybe that way he could find out more about love.

Skin on her hand was suddenly full of goose bumps, he could feel it. And then he remembered what she had said to him that day three weeks ago, when he had accepted her idea about trainings. And he regretted for asking.

-I don't have any.-she said before he could apologize.

-I didn't have it in the orphanage and the Shadowhunters refused to give me one of theirs. So I'm just Victoria.-

_Victoria. Roman goddess of victory._ he thought, but didn't say it. She obviously knew that fact and found it almost ironic.

-Where did you live? In Idris, I mean.-

-A woman named Elizabeth Branwell adopted me.-Victoria replied with something like sadness in her voice.

-She was an old lady and she was lonely. She didn't mind having a mundane girl in her home and she even wanted to give me her last name. But, the rest of her family, the ones who didn't visit her very often, and the Clave didn't want to hear about it. They allowed me to live with her, but no more than that. And even that didn't last for very long. She died when I was thirteen.-

-You loved her, didn't you?-he squeezed her hand gently, noticing the past tense in her sentences.

-She was like a mother to me.-she answered, but he could hear this wasn't easy for her.

-She taught me everything about Shadowhunters and Downworlders. She insisted that I learn how to fight like Shadowhunters do. She said I could find it helpful someday. And she was right.-

He nodded in compassion, but he also felt a glimpse of hope. She had never opened like this, never let herself to show her feelings. Maybe he could still hope that something different was behind her armour, something closer to the feelings that burned inside his heart.

-But, if the Shadowhunters treated you that badly, why are you helping them?-he asked, noticing the chance to understand her.

-They gave me a home.-she said and her voice became calm again.

-They denied me a lot of things, but they gave me a home. Most of children in orphanages don't get that chance. But, this world is more dangerous than mundanes', and I had to learn that. And demons aren't the most dangerous things in it.-

There was bitterness in her last sentence, something he had trouble to link to Victoria. It sounded irregular, like it didn't belong there.

-What do you mean?-he didn't like the accusation in her voice. He was part of that world too.

She sighed.

-It's said that it's hard to learn to trust people.-her voice was almost sarcastic.

-I had to learn _not_ to trust them.-

-Why?-he asked, perfectly aware that he will get no answer if she had decided that she didn't trust him.

But, he still hoped. She knew him. Maybe better than he knew himself. She won't make the wrong choice. If that meant not explaining her words, he just had to trust her judgement.

-Because the last thing I need among Shadowhunters is another weakness.-she finally said after few moments of silence.

He could hear tiredness in her voice. But he wasn't sure why it was there now. Was it because this day had been hard for her or because the reason, the secret she has been hiding for so long, was wearing her out?

-You've helped me with my weakness, Victoria.-he said her name out loud, maybe for the first time since they had met, to show her, to prove her that she could trust him.

-Maybe I can help you with yours.-

Once again, her hand tensed in his, goose bumps filling her skin.

He had never in these past three weeks wanted to see as badly as he wanted now. He wanted to see her face, her eyes. He wanted to read her thoughts on it, her feelings, her fears. But, he couldn't do anything but wait. He offered her his help, as she had offered him hers, but it was her choice whether to accept it or not.

-I was six years old when the Clave noticed me.-she said slowly, like she was trying to remember how to tell the story. He wondered if she had ever told it to anyone.

-I saw two Shadowhunters killing a demon. I started to scream in the middle of the street, but everyone around me thought I was hallucinating. Of course, everyone except for those two Shadowhunters. They realized I could see them. So, they waited for an adequate moment, grabbed me and took me with them to Idris.-

She took a deep breath, but he didn't interrupt her with questions. He felt like any break would make her stop talking. And it was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to listen to her, to understand her.

-They assumed I was a lost Shadowhunter child, but after few tests it was clear that I wasn't.-she continued.

-I practiced, I tried, but I've never reached level of other Shadowhunters. They taught me all about Shadowhunters, Downworlders and demons, but my lack of angel's blood has always been obvious. I just couldn't run, couldn't throw blades, couldn't fight as well as the others could.-

Jace could hear in her voice how sad she was about that. She wanted to belong, to be the same as they were, but her blood, something she couldn't choose, prevented her. It made him feel ashamed when he remembered how he had always taken his brilliance for granted, never thought it could be taken away from him. And when it had been, he had felt pity for himself like there was no worse fate.

And now he was facing a girl whose fate was so much worse than his. To live your life as an outcast, as someone despised by everyone, without anyone who loved you; losing sight seemed so painless, so not worthy even of comparison.

-But, it wasn't my only weakness.-her voice became quieter.

-I managed to hide it from others, except for Elizabeth. She was the only one who knew about it. And it's been only my secret since her death.-

He understood what she was saying and he knew how hard it was for her to continue.

-If you want to keep it that way, it's alright.-he said, trying to hide curiosity in his voice, but not succeeding.

-I know you want to know, Jace.-she read him like a book.

-But, I'm afraid. Since Elizabeth, I've trusted nobody. I ... -

-I promise you can trust me.-he said, moving closer to her.

He felt an urgent need to hug her, to comfort her. He wanted to shake her coldness off with the warmth of his body. He wanted her to find support in him, to be there for her like she had been there for him. He owed it to her and felt he could never pay off that debt better than being what she needed, what she wanted him to be.

-I'll keep your secret.-he put every bit of his determination in those words.

-I'll never use it against you. You don't have to be afraid of me.-

She squeezed his hand, firmly, but not painfully, like she always had. It was their sign of trust and encouragement. It symbolized their relationship, those feelings they had had to learn how to feel for each other, so their bond could be formed.

-I see Shadow world, the world that's not mine.-she whispered now, like somebody could hear them.

-But, I can't see everyday world, the world of mundanes. The world I'm supposed to belong to.-

Her words surprised him for a moment; that wasn't what he had expected. But, then he understood why she had been hiding that secret for so long. She thought that she was weak, no matter which world she chose to belong to. She didn't want others to see it. But, she let him.

-So, when you're out there, you can't ... -he started, but let the sentence unfinished.

-I see only darkness.-she confirmed his thought.

-I can only guess what the mundane world, what _mundanes_ look like. I only see parts of Shadow world and not even them perfectly.-

-What do you mean?-he asked, hearing that there was even more suffering that she had had to go through.

-I don't see you the way you actually look, Jace.-she said and there was pain in her voice.

-Your skin and your hair are light, I can see as much, but I don't know what colour your hair is, what colour your eyes are. I see the world only in shades of white, black and gray. What is light, I see as white. What is dark, I see as black.-

-How ... -he started, but she interrupted him

-It's always been like this, ever since I saw those two Shadowhunters. Until then, I had been blind like ... like any ordinary man. And when they found me, I learned that even those parts of world I do see don't look to other people like they do to me. And I have no idea why I can see them or why do I see them the way I do.-

He noticed a pause she had made. She had wanted to say "like you", but she had remembered in time he wouldn't want that. And she was right again. But, he knew now why she understood him so well.

-I'm sorry.-he said.

-For everything I've said, for everything I've done that has hurt you. You knew exactly how I felt and tried to help me, but I was terrible to you. I'm so sorry.-

There was a silence again. He guessed she was looking at him, trying to see him the way she thought he should look, the way he looked to others. But, he didn't want her to look at him like that. He wanted to be the same as he had been in her eyes, in only eyes that had seen him properly.

-Don't be.-she said at last.

-Because I'm not. I'm happy that I met you, Jace, I'm happy about everything we went through. You are the first Shadowhunter that looked at me as an equal. You are the first Shadowhunter that has shown trust in me and my abilities, that has seen more in me than just a mundane. Now I told you my secret. There's nothing more I could to do to show you what I think of you.-

He still wasn't sure, he still didn't know. But, he had to find out. Longing in his heart, in his mind was unstoppable. It was beyond his control now. He had to know.

-Please.-he said, coming one more bit closer to her.

He heard her taking a breath and wanting to ask the question, but there was no time. He raised his arms, found her face with his hands and pulled her closer. In a second which seemed like thousand years he felt her lips touching his.

Even though there was no difference, he closed his eyes, letting himself to lose in the kiss. She was like a doll of glass in his hands, threatening to break. Her lips were soft and gentle, like they were pointing out she had never kissed. They were shy like a doe, like they would run away on the first sign of danger. But, he was careful and gentle. His hands caressed her cheeks gently, feeling all the imperfections on her skin, but not caring. He didn't fall in love with her look, he had learned to see beyond it.

He felt her hands on his neck, barely touching him at first, but becoming more certain in time. Her fingertips were gentle, like she was afraid that he would break too. He moved one of his hands onto her hair that had impressed him so much this morning, enveloping his fingers in its locks.

It lasted for couple of seconds, but then she suddenly separated from him. Her lips weren't pressed against his anymore, her face and hair weren't in his hands. She got up without a word while he was still sitting stunned on his bed, not understanding what had happened.

After a moment or two, when he finally pulled himself together, he opened his eyes. The sight that was in front of him shocked him, like he was seeing it for the first time.

-Victoria.-he whispered as she ran out of his room and closed the door behind her.

-I can see you.-

**Sorry I couldn't update sooner, but it's a long chapter, a lot of things happened ... :) I hope you enjoyed. If you are a big Clace fan, you were warned that Jace's and Clary's love will come to the test and so it did ( because I'd have no plot if it didn't ). I'm sorry about any grammar mistake that I've made.** **Thanks for reviews, following, faving, reading :)**


	17. On the doorstep of the Nephilim

Victoria was running through the corridors of the Institute, wandering like she had never been there, like she had lost even her ability to see Shadow world by admitting her secret to another human being. She was trying to find a place to hide, a place where she wouldn't accidentally meet any of the Lightwoods or, the Angel forbid it, Clary.

_How could I do it?!_ she repeated herself over and over again. _I knew he belonged to Clary and I still allowed him to kiss me! I should have moved away! I should have stopped him! I should have done anything except for I've done! I__'ve__ kissed him back! I__'ve__ enjoyed being kissed by him! _

She tried to banish even his name from her mind, but his face kept coming back. Softness of his lips kept coming back. Gentleness of his hands kept coming back. And nothing she tried to do could banish them, to make the memories disappear. For the first time in her life, she felt how it was when one was a prisoner of one's own mind and she couldn't escape it, no matter what she did.

Door after door, corridor after corridor. She was convinced that her luck will be gone soon and she will run into someone, someone that will know at once what she had done. Pain burned inside her, like she had just been beaten, not kissed.

But, the pain wasn't the only thing that was burning inside her. She also felt hatred, something she couldn't remember ever feeling. But, it was hatred.

She hated people who had brought her here, who had ensured her mistake. She hated the Lightwoods because they didn't appreciate everything she had done for Jace. She hated Clary because she was Jace's girlfriend, the only one who had right to love him romantically. She hated Jace who had made her fall in love with him. And she hated herself the most, the one who let them to do all those things, wjo was always obedient and solicitous. The one who always cared more for others than for herself. The one who had made a mistake when she had chosen to live with Shadowhunters. She didn't belong here. She never had. If she had faced her blindness the way she had tried to make Jace face his, she wouldn't have been here now. She wouldn't have kissed Jace. She would have been only an ordinary mundane, with her ordinary mundane problems.

Not even knowing how she had got there, she found herself standing in front of the elevator. It led down to church and then to mundanes' New York.

She took a deep breath, but she didn't look back into the corridor. She found the button and pressed it and when the door opened, she got in and looked at herself in the mirror in the elevator while the door closed behind her back.

She still looked the same, as much as she could tell. Her hair was still long and light, her skin pale, her eyes dark. She still had acnes, like any ordinary teenage girl did, she still wanted to lose some weight, like any ordinary teenage girl did. So, why did she ever think that she belonged with the Shadowhunters? Their girls and women loved the way they looked, using often their appearance as a sign of self-confidence. Their marked skin was something that made them proud. They knew how to fight. They were allowed to be in love with a Shadowhunter.

_Stop! Stop!_ she wanted to yell at herself when the picture of Jace showed up in her mind again. She closed her eyes, preferring darkness to his face. _I won't ... I won't let myself! I'll never see him again! He ... I'll forget him! The Angel knows he'll forget me fast!_

When the elevator stopped, she opened her eyes and got out. She marched through the church and soon found herself standing in the cold air of New York's night. She didn't have a jacket, anything that would have protected her from the chilly wind. But, when she got out of the Institute, she felt a sudden relief, like the air in the Shadow world had been pressing her and now she was free. She was where she belonged. There was no Jace Lightwood in this world.

_He'd hate it. He'd find it boring. There's nothing here that he would like__._ she thought, but then pulled herself together. _I won't think about him. I've come here to run away from him. And I'll do so._

But, there was a complication that she had forgotten in her pain and anger. Although she still could see _something_, most of the black and white world was gone in front of her eyes. There were only few flashes of light, signs of most certainly Downworlders' presence. But, everything else was darkness. Darkness that didn't end, that couldn't be gone as easily as the light. And she stood in the middle of the city she didn't know, without anyone to help her. She had rejected help the moment she had decided to run away from the Institute.

_I could go back._ she thought while goose bumps were risen on her skin by the wind. _They still don't know about anything. It's warm and I can see there._

But, she couldn't make herself turn around and look at the Institute. She couldn't make herself go back.

_How will I look any of them in the eyes again? How will I ever look at Clary again, knowing what I've done to her? How will I look at Jace again? How will I ever look at him again, knowing I kissed him when I shouldn't have to, knowing that I want to kiss him again every time I see him?_

But, suddenly, someone appeared from her right, glowing like a firefly in her world of darkness. It was a boy, slightly younger than her, both his hair and eyes dark. He didn't seem dangerous at first sight, but she knew better; if she could see him, that meant he was a part of Shadow world and they were always dangerous.

It seemed like he was going to bypass her without even a glance, but then he looked at her and his eyes narrowed.

-You?!-he said, completely shocked.

Victoria had no idea what he was talking about, but had no time to ask. In a moment he was next to her, grabbing her hands and pushing her next to a cold surface which had to be a wall.

-Came to ask for help from the Nephilim, didn't you?-he hissed.

-You won't overthrow me, Camille. I'm the leader of the Clan now.-

-I have no idea who you are!-she gasped for air, trying to explain in the same time.

-I've never thought I'd see Camille Belcourt acting like an ignorant fool.-he laughed, but he still held her tight.

-But, you've always been good in deceiving. And I know you. So, there's no chance this trick will work out.-

She tried to remove his hands from her upper arms, but he was too strong for her. He had no Marks on his skin, so he couldn't be a Shadowhunter. He had to be a Downworlder. He looked too ordinary for a fairy and he used force with too much pleasure to be a warlock. And werewolves travelled in packs, not in clans. So, there was only one option.

-You're a vampire.-she managed to mumble.

-Great observation, but you'll get no points because you've already known that.-his hands moved towards her neck.

-I'd never expect to find you on the doorstep of the Nephilim. You must be really desperate to look for help here. Let me end your desperation.-

He was going to strangle her and once he grabbed her neck, she won't be able to stop him. She had to get out with words, her life depended on it.

-My name's not Camille!-she said, breathing fast, knowing that every breath could be her last.

-If Camille is a vampire you know, you can easily see I'm not her! By the Angel, I have a pulse!-

That stopped him. His eyes studied hers, like he was trying to find the evidence she was lying to him. But, his hand climbed on her neck and his fingers touched the place where he could feel her pulse. Since she was so frightened, her pulse was fast. There was no chance he could miss it.

His grip relaxed and she could breathe deeply again. She thanked the Angel she had been calm enough to think clearly. But, the vampire still didn't let her go. His eyes still studied her face, like she was the weirdest thing he has ever seen.

-You look just like her.-he said, his voice cold, without any feeling in it.

_Magnus said the same._ she remembered.

-I've heard that before.-she dared to answer.

-Who's she? The one you called Camille.-

-What are you?-he asked, ignoring her question.

-You know about vampires, so you're not a mundane. But, you have no scars, so you're not a Nephilim either. You don't smell like a werewolf or a demon and you look normal, which excludes warlocks and fairies. And you're not a vampire. What are you?-

It was weird to be asked that question by a complete stranger who had wanted to kill her few moments ago, but Victoria had no answer. She didn't know it herself.

But, her silence obviously lasted too long for him. He licked his lips and his eyes suddenly shone.

-Never mind.-he whispered.

-We proved that you have pulse. That means you have blood too. And I'm hungry.-

Before she could even raise her hands to defend herself, his fangs were outstretched, running into her neck.

Pain burned every cell of her body, like they all felt the lack of liquid he was taking away from her. She tried to move back, but the more she resisted, the more it hurt. The wind became colder or her body didn't have any strength to keep her warm anymore. She couldn't even close her eyes; they were wide opened in shock and fear.

But, that shock saved her. She saw someone coming, someone whom she could see. Someone with light hair, tall and muscular. She didn't even ask herself how it was possible, all that mattered was that he was there and was going to help her.

-Jace!-she yelled with every bit of strength she had left.

It drew his attention and he ran towards them. The vampire separated his face from her neck and dropped her. But, her legs couldn't hold her straight. She had lost blood, too much of it. She was too tired.

_Jace is here._ she said to herself, the last thing she managed to think before she lost consciousness. _Jace is here._


	18. Tears of joy and drops of blood

Jace stared at the closed door long enough to feel like he will never be able to move again. His sight, something he had been wanting back for so long, was finally there and he did nothing with it but stared at the door.

After more than three weeks of darkness, it was strange to see light. It was strange to see that his room didn't change, that his skin was still as pale as before. His sight still wasn't perfect, everything around him was a bit blurred, but he really could see again, there was no doubt about that.

He knew he should get up and share the good news with his family. He should tell them, _see_ happiness on their faces, hear relief in their voices. But, he still sat on the bed, in the exact same position where Victoria had left him.

He couldn't forget their kiss, couldn't forget how she had run away from him.

_What've I done?_ he asked himself again and again. _Have I hurt her? But, I've been careful, I've been gentle. Why did she run away?_

But, he felt that she hadn't refused the kiss. He remembered how she had leaned against him, how she had pressed her lips against his. She had wanted it, too. She felt something for him. His feelings weren't in vain.

He had to find her, to talk to her. He had to ask her not to leave him the way she had done it now. He didn't want her to return back to Idris. A bond had been formed between them and he couldn't renounce it, not even because of Clary. He knew that he needed Victoria, even though he could see now.

It was the only thing that could make him move. He got up and ran out of his room, looking for sign of a girl with light blond hair.

-Victoria!-he called for her, listening to echo of his voice through the corridors of the Institute.

The only answer was the silence.

He ran towards the library, her favourite place in the Institute. He could imagine her in one of the armchairs there, holding a book among her gentle fingers, finding a new world she could go into.

But, she wasn't there either. So he went to the training room. It wasn't empty, but the one he was looking for wasn't there either. He was facing Alec and Isabelle.

-Jace!-Isabelle said, obviously surprised to see him.

-What're you doing here? Why did Clary leave so soon? And why was she so angry?-

_Clary._ he thought suddenly, remembering his girlfriend for the first time since he had talked about her with Victoria. It seemed like it had happened years ago. _I ... I have no idea how to tell her. It'll break her heart._

-Wedding plans.-he said the simplest lie there was, hoping that Clary had just marched out of the Institute, not giving many details about their fight.

He couldn't afford himself to think of Clary now. Two girls in his head in the same time hadn't been a problem once. Now there was room only for one at the time.

-Have you seen Victoria? I need to talk to her and I've no idea where she is.-

Alec just shrugged, but Isabelle gave him a suspicious gaze.

_How does she know?_ he wondered. _I still can't quite believe it's happened and Izzy already knows that I betrayed Clary. When did I become so obvious?_

-No.-she said at last.

-She didn't come here. Why do you need her?-

He was speechless for few moments. He couldn't remember any smart answer. He couldn't remember how to laugh ironically and sneer. So, he said the only rational thing there was to say.

-I ... My sight is back.-he mumbled, but loud enough for them to hear it.

Isabelle's expression suddenly transformed. There was no suspicion left in her features, only surprise and happiness. She came closer to him and he could see tears in corners of her black eyes, like she was trying really hard not to cry.

-Really?-she whispered.

-You can see again?-

He nodded, not wanting her to start crying. But, she couldn't help it. Tears fell on her cheeks and she hugged him.

-I'm so glad, Jace.-her voice shivered under wave of emotions.

-I know how you hated being closed in here. So we'll go hunting demons first thing tomorrow, I promise.-

He couldn't help himself but to smile. Good old Izzy. She knew that he missed hunt on demons the most, that he missed the excitement of fight.

Alec also came closer, with a smile on his usually calm face and a shine in his blue eyes.

-It'll be good fight alongside you again, _parabatai_.-he said.

Jace laughed.

-It'll be better than good.-he said with fake eagerness in his voice.

-It'll be outstanding return of the king of demon hunters.-

Alec patted his shoulder, still smiling, and he could feel Isabelle laughing against his chest. The return of his sight seemed like being reborn. He had his family back again, their feelings the way they should be, the way he wanted them to be. Maybe they hadn't understood him when he had lost his sight, but they understood the relief and happiness inside his heart now it was back and shared them in their own.

Isabelle separated from him, but she still kept her hands on his forearms, like he could lose his sight again if she let him go. But, there was change again in her expression, part of her suspicion back.

-Why do you need Victoria? Shouldn't you tell us and Clary first?-

She almost caught him off guard again, but he managed to find an answer that they would believe to.

-She wants to go back to Idris.-he said, his heart tearing itself apart on the thought he would never see her again.

-It's her home. I didn't want to hold her up here now when I don't need her anymore. She'll want to go as soon as possible. And the minute or two wouldn't mean as much to you as it'd to her.-

It seemed he had managed to relieve Isabelle's suspicion. She nodded calmly, but then shrugged.

-She didn't come in here.-she repeated.

-But, we can help you find her. She must be somewhere in the Institute. What's her favourite place?-

-The library.-he replied, aware of Isabelle's too great readiness to help him find Victoria.

-But I've checked it already and she's not there.-

He guessed that it wasn't Victoria's well-being on his sister's mind, but her wish to get rid of her. He couldn't understand exactly why she didn't like Victoria, but remembering how many times she had mentioned Clary's name, he supposed that she had talked to Clary and sided with her.

_At least Alec is neutral._ he thought, looking at his brother. _He didn't like Clary at the beginning. And he doesn't know Victoria. If I ever need an advice about this matter, he'll be the only one completely objective. I should just hope that he'd keep it for himself and not blab everything to Magnus. He'd find it amusing._

-OK, then, we'll split up.-Isabelle said, heading towards the door.

-We'll search every room of this building. She has to be somewhere.-

But, even after half an hour of searching, they still didn't find Victoria. It seemed like she had just vanished in the air the moment she had left his room. Jace was tired of sights of empty rooms, but he kept opening and closing the door. At last, he, Isabelle and Alec met again in front of the training room.

-Any luck?-he asked, breathing heavily because of running through the Institute.

-No.-Isabelle said.

Alec just shook his head. He was never a man of words.

Jace sighed. Panic rose in him again, like it had this morning when Victoria hadn't answered his knocking on her door. But, he had to make a mistake, to miss a room where she was. He knew her secret. She wouldn't get out of the Institute. Outside it, she was, well, as helpless as he had been until today.

-Maybe she's gone out of the Institute.-Isabelle pointed out, following the path of his own thoughts.

-No.-he shook his head determinedly. He knew the truth, but he didn't want to tell them about it. It wasn't his secret to tell.

But, Isabelle didn't give up.

-Jace, we searched everywhere and she's not here.-she said, looking at him like he had suggested to check mouse hols of the Institute because it there was bigger chance to find Victoria there than outside the Institute.

-Why wouldn't she be out there? It's not like anyone forbade her to go outside of the Institute. And she is a mundane. Maybe she needed to do some completely mundane thing.-

_She knows it's not safe for her there._ he thought, but didn't say it. He knew there was no rational lie that could explain why Victoria wouldn't be outside. No matter how much he hated to waste time, he nodded.

-OK.-he said.

-Let's check.-

They went to the elevator. When Alec pushed the button, it didn't open right away, but had to come from downstairs.

-You see?-Isabelle said with triumphant voice.

-She went outside.-

-How do you know?-he asked her while they were entering the elevator, wanting to be suspicious, but convinced she was right.

-We met Clary in the church. She should have been the last one who came downstairs because we were the last ones who went upstairs. If nobody went downstairs again, the elevator would be upstairs. And it wasn't.-Isabelle explained fast, so he almost mixed all the "downstairs" and "upstairs" parts.

The moment the door of the elevator opened, Jace ran out of it, Alec and Isabelle on his heels. It was obvious Victoria sat on none of the benches in the church and he could think of no reason why she would be behind the altar. So he headed towards the door of the church and soon felt cold wind on his face. He shivered and cursed himself for not taking a jacket. It was easy to forget how cold it could be outside after one had spent three weeks in warm and comfortable space.

But, he forgot about the coldness and focused on the sight around him. He searched for any sign of a girl with long blond hair. If she had gone out, and according to Isabelle's rational guess, she had, she couldn't have been away from here.

_Maybe she just went out to get some fresh air._ he guessed, hoping he will soon see her. _If she were here and we were alone, I'd say: "I know I kiss brilliantly, so you need a fresh air to recover." and she'd say "I can't know that, I haven't kissed anyone else yet. I'll let you know how brilliant you are when I have someone to compare to you." And we'd laugh again. And everything would be the way it was before._

But, he was lying to himself and he knew it. Nothing will ever be the way it was before. He had crossed the line by kissing her. Maybe he had ruined the beautiful relationship they had, just because he wanted something more. His relationship with Clary will definitely be ruined if she found out about this.

_One thing at the time._ he told himself, trying to calm down_. First I have to find Victoria and talk to her. We'll figure out what to do._

-Jace!-Alec's voice called him and broke his thoughts in.

He turned around and found his brother staring at the wall of the Institute next to the door. He came near to him and Isabelle followed him.

-What?-he asked, knowing that Alec hadn't found Victoria. If she was there, he would find her before Alec.

-Look.-Alec pointed with his forefinger at something on the ground and the wall.

At first, it seemed like few drops of water, like it had rained slightly. But, one turn around himself and Jace knew that the rest of the space around them was dry. There was no rain here today.

He came closer, touching the drops of the liquid. When he separated his fingers from the stone, they were red.

It was blood. And Jace couldn't help himself but to think in horror that it was Victoria's.


	19. The infernal choice

When Victoria finally regained consciousness, she almost wished she had remained completely oblivious. The reality wasn't pleasant at all.

She realized the darkness she was staring at wasn't much different than the one behind her eyelids. That could mean only one thing; she was somewhere in the mundane world, without anything allowing her to see, alone and helpless as an abandoned child which, facing the truth, she was.

She closed her eyes again, although it made no difference, and tried to remember everything that had happened before she had fainted. Her cheeks burned when she remembered the kiss, but then she forced her thoughts to move on. She didn't end up here because the kiss had magically teleported her. She ended up here because she had run away from the Institute, been attacked by a vampire and then saved by Jace.

_But, where is he?_ she wondered. _And why would he bring me here and not to the Institute?_

She straightened up, leaning on the bed that was beneath her body. The bed was narrow and not very comfortable, but she still had no strength to get up. She leaned against the wall that was behind the bed, feeling its coldness through her thin shirt.

As she moved her head, she felt pain in her neck. Her hand found a bandage around it, on the exact spot where the vampire had bitten her. It was made carefully and not a single drop of blood ran out of it. Since the amount of blood that vampire had drunken was enough to make her faint, she was glad that her wound was treated so well that she couldn't die of blood loss.

But, when she opened her eyes again, she realized she wasn't alone in the room. A tiny person lay in the middle of darkness, probably on the other bed in the room. Victoria got up to check her pulse and held her breath the moment she recognized the girl on the bed.

-Clary?!-she was so shocked to see her here, wherever that was.

Clary's face was covered with some liquid, very likely blood, like somebody had hit her really hard. Her breath was calm, as it was her pulse, but she didn't answer.

But, Victoria had to find out what was going on and she couldn't afford herself to be merciful. She grabbed Clary's forearms and shook her, gently at first, but then more firmly. After a minute or two, Clary finally opened her eyes.

And the first thing she did was that she punched Victoria with every bit of strength she had left.

-Don't touch me!-she yelled.

-Don't you ever touch me again!-

Victoria was confused. She knew that Clary didn't like her very much, but this she was overreacting just a bit, considering that she still probably didn't find out about her and Jace's kiss.

_If she reacts like this just because I woke her up, she'll kill me when I tell her._ she thought, but kept her thoughts for herself. It wasn't the time to admit that truth yet.

-Clary!-she said loudly and clearly, trying to grab the other girl's hands.

-Calm down!-

Clary suddenly stood still, like she had transformed into a statue. But, then she spoke again.

-Victoria?-she said with suspicion in her voice.

-Yes, it's me.-she sighed, relieved because Clary finally started to behave rationally.

-By the Angel, Clary, who did you think I was?-

Clary opened her mouth as if to answer, but then changed her mind. She straightened up and set on her bed while Victoria went back to sit on her own.

-Where are we?-she asked after few moments of silence after she was sure that Clary won't explode in anger again.

-I've no idea.-Clary said curtly.

-I just woke up. Why didn't you figure out where we are?-

-I had woken up few minutes before you did.-she replied coldly, seeing that this conversation was going to be hard.

-I didn't have much time to think of it. I was worried that you were dead when I saw you.-

-Spare me.-Clary spat.

-You couldn't care less about me. Maybe you'd be glad I was dead. You could have Jace only for yourself.-

Victoria felt rage and shame rising in her at the same time. She couldn't deny that she felt something she shouldn't for Jace, but that didn't mean she would like to see his girlfriend dead. She wasn't that cruel. And the very reason she was stuck here with Clary was because she had run away from the Institute, chased by pricks of conscience.

-Maybe you're right.-she let her anger to have the best of her.

-But, he's no use to me if I remain stuck here or end up dead. So, do you want to get out of here or not?-

Clary opened her mouth to answer, probably something furious according to her face expression, but she was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Victoria turned towards the sound and saw somebody coming in.

-You can get out of here only if I decide to let you go.-a male voice said, with a note of amusement in it.

His skin and hair were light and Victoria guessed it had been him, not Jace, whom she had seen in front of the Institute. But, it seemed really hard not to make that mistake. Beside their hair colour, Jace and this guy were built similarly, both tall and muscular. They had differences in their features, but nothing that could be noticed while standing away from them. But there was one difference that stood out more than anything else. Where Jace's eyes were light and warm, these eyes were dark and cold.

-I believe we haven't met.-he said, stretching his hand out towards Victoria.

-I don't like you at all, but I wish that you had never needed to meet him.-Clary said, a gaze of hatred wandering from the guy to Victoria and back, like she couldn't imagine two person she hated more than the two of them in that room.

-Behave yourself, little sister.-he laughed at Clary's direction.

-You always say I'm an evil demon. At least I have good manners.-

-Only when you can use them in your advantage.-Clary replied coldly.

He shrugged overdramatically.

-Well, maybe you're right. But, don't we all use them in our advantage?-he smiled and then his black eyes went back to Victoria.

-I'm sorry; I so enjoy talking to my little sister. I forgot about you for a moment. I apologize.-

_I'd give anything to forget that I'm here._ she thought, but didn't say it.

-Apology accepted.-she said, holding his gaze. It was hard to endure it, but she managed. She had learned long ago to face people that thought themselves being above her.

His smile became wider.

-You see, Clary? That is what's called good manners. You could learn a lot from this girl.-

Clary gave him a poisonous gaze and Victoria couldn't stop herself but remember how she had been lecturing Clary too. She guessed Clary's brother couldn't find any spot that hurt her more.

-Shut up, Sebastian.-Clary growled at her brother.

But, it didn't bother him at all. He turned towards Victoria again.

-My sister hates calling me with my real name.-he explained.

-I don't like it much myself, but it still is my name. I'm Jonathan.-

His hand waited for hers to shake it. Even though she didn't want it, she knew they had to play by his rules now.

-Victoria.-she answered.

-Goddess of victory.-he said as he let her hand go.

-Well, you will bring me victory, no doubt. Together with my little sister, of course.-

-I'll never help you, Sebastian.-Clary meddled in.

-But, you will, dear sister.-his black eyes shone cunningly.

-I have something that will make you obedient. I guess you already know what.-

He got out of the room, not even locking the door behind him. Victoria wanted to get up and try to run. She looked at Clary, who hadn't even moved. But, her body shivered, like she had suddenly caught a cold. Her eyes were wide open and she didn't even object when Victoria came closer to her.

But, then Jonathan was back, carrying a cup in one hand and something else in his other. His smile was cheerful, like a child before going into circus, knowing all the miracles that will happen there.

-I'm feeling very generous today, so I'll let you pick.-he said.

He put the cup and the other thing on the floor. He did it so carefully that there was no sound when the objects touched the floor.

-In one of these cups is blood of my mother, Lilith. In the other one is blood of a vampire that was killed accidently when I saved Victoria.-he smiled at her and it was obvious the vampire hadn't been killed by accident.

-One of you will drink vampire's blood and became one of the Night Children. The other one will drink my mother's blood and became one of my dark Shadowhunters.-

-I won't do it.-Clary said almost before he had finished.

-I won't drink. I'll spill both. You can't make me.-

-How naive you are, dear sister.-he laughed.

-You can't spill the blood from the Infernal Cup nothing more than you can spill it from the Mortal Cup. And if you spill the vampire's blood, you'll have no choice but to become one of my Shadowhunters. I offered you a choice. Don't be so dumb not to use it.-

-Why do you need a vampire?-Victoria asked, hoping that he was eager enough to reveal some of his plans to them if he thought there was nothing they could do to prevent them.

-Why are you offering us this choice?-

Jonathan's eyes fixed on her.

-Because I need allies.-he replied, reacting just as she had hoped.

-And vampires hate to listen to the humans. But, they will listen to one of their own, they will hear what I can offer them. They don't like the Law and wouldn't mind if someone came and changed it. I intend to do just that. And one of you lovely ladies will present my offer to them.-

-I won't.-Clary repeated.

-I'd rather die than help you.-

-If you drink vampire's blood, your wish will definitely be granted.-he smiled ironically, but then his face became serious.

-But, whoever of you becomes a vampire will have a good reason to obey me. Because I know how to make a vampire human again.-

That was too much for Clary. She got up from her bed, pointing at Jonathan's chest with her forefinger.

-You're lying!-she yelled.

-There's nothing that can make a vampire human again!-

-Nothing you know, little sister.-he moved hand away from his chest.

-But, I've had a privilege to live in our father's house, to read his documents. There's so much things you find impossible, but he's done them.-

It seemed like his answer shocked Clary so much that she wasn't able to speak anymore. She moved away from Jonathan, falling on her bed again. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open in expression of mixed disbelieving, hope and suspicion.

Jonathan laughed at her.

-The cure is in the Angel, Clary. It hasn't always been, but it is now.-he obviously enjoyed in his little riddle.

Victoria tried to understand what he had meant by that, but nothing occurred to her. She stared at Jonathan until he looked at her and then both of their gazes stopped on the cup between them.

-You have five minutes to decide.-he said, his face serious again.

-When I'm back, I'll expect an answer. If you don't have one, I'll make the choice for you. And you very likely won't like it.-

**Thank you for all your reviews, this is the biggest amount that any of my stories ever had. Please, keep writing your thoughts about this story, I have to thank HannahS12 for the new idea about Clary. Thanks :D I apologize again for any grammar or spelling mistake I made and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)**


	20. It just happened

**This chapter is from Jonathan's / Sebastians' point of view. Like the chapter from Clary's point of view, I had a feeling it's necessary. I hope you'll enjoy :)**

Jonathan left his sister and the other girl in their room and made few steps in the direction of his own. He didn't bother with locking their door, completely confident there was no chance the two girls could leave that room without him noticing.

But, it wasn't the only reason he had left their door opened. He had no intention to spend those few minutes lazing idle. The very reason he had gone towards his room was to make the girls feeling like they had been left alone.

He grabbed the doorknob of the door that led to his room and pulled it. The door closed loudly, but not too loudly, just enough to encourage voices in the other room.

He smiled and pulled his stele out of his gear. In a second, a soundless rune was drawn on his forearm and he came back, his every muscle tensed by desire to hear what their decision will be.

-... your brother?-he missed the beginning of Victoria's sentence, but he knew he will soon understand everything.

-None of your business.-Clary snorted.

If only his little sister wasn't so difficult.

-He keeps me here against my will.-Victoria said firmly, not letting herself to be distracted by Clary's rudeness. He already began to like this girl, as much as he could _like_ anyone.

-That makes him my business. What happened to him? Why isn't he like all other Shadowhunters?-

Jonathan almost couldn't believe his own ears. He expected an argument about who will drink which blood, not this.

_Why does she want to talk about me?_ he wondered. _Who is this girl?_

She obviously wasn't a Shadowhunter, since she had no scars that originated from the runes. She wasn't a Downworlder either, that was also obvious. In fact, she seemed to be just an ordinary mundane. But, she knew about their world and she knew Jace.

It was the only thing that drew his attention to her. He had seen many times a vampire attacking young girls and he had done nothing about it. The vampires were predators, just like he was; he had no reason to deny them their prey. But, this girl had called him with that name, with the name of the boy that was something like his brother, but at the same time the person he hated the most. His father's favourite son, angel-boy, his sister's love. Jace was everything Jonathan could never hope to be. He was a demon, everyone hated him. And he grew accustomed to that opinion. He was everything they thought of him and much worse.

-You're from Idris, aren't you?-Clary's voice broke his thoughts in. She sounded almost as shocked as he felt. She even forgot to be rude.

-And you haven't heard of my brother? Of my father?-

-Of course I have, I'm not that ignorant.-Victoria replied and she sounded irritated by Clary's questions.

-But, most of things I've heard were rumours. And what I want now is the truth. A complete truth from someone who took a really big part in the event.-

-We don't have time for that now.-Clary said, her voice as rude as before.

-It doesn't matter what happened to Sebastian. He won't let us go. He'll force us to drink this blood. And we ... We'll become ... -

She was so disgusted by the thought she couldn't even end the sentence, he could hear it.

_You're breaking my heart, dear sister._ he smiled ironically. _There's so much hatred for me in your heart. And I love you so much._

But, Victoria didn't give up.

-Tell me.-she demanded.

-We have nothing to decide. You pick your blood and I'll drink the other. But, before that, tell me the truth.-

There was a long silence after those words. Jonathan could hear breathing of the girls in the room and even beating of their hearts. He was proud of his excellent senses, something his mother's blood had given him. But, he was somehow annoyed by his own behaviour.

_I shouldn't have let them choose._ he realized. _I should have made Clary mine and give this girl to the vampires. She's already proving she has skill with words. She'd do what I need without too much trouble._

But, he knew he could change his mind whenever he wanted, so he didn't bother thinking about that. Now he was more intrigued by Victoria's words. Was she so indifferent about what creature she will become? Wasn't this choice frightening enough for her?

But, Clary spoke again and he decided rather to listen than to try to understand this weird girl. She might offer him the answers herself.

-Why?-she asked.

-Don't you know what you'll become if you drink from the Infernal Cup? You'll become Sebastian's servant, obedient to his every wish. And you don't even care?-

_You read my mind, Clary._ he thought, amused. _We're so alike, little sister, even thought you don't want to admit it._

But, Victoria was stubborn.

-I do care.-she said.

-But I want the truth. Make it as short as possible, but tell me.-

Clary sighed. He almost couldn't believe that this girl managed to force his sister to give up and to be obedient. Very few people could boast of that.

Because of his curiosity that he cursed multiple times, he was forced to listen to Clary's story about his own past. About their father, about the bloods that were in their veins, about Jace and his connection to Morgenstern family, about the war in Idris and the part Jonathan had taken in pulling Alicante's wards down, about the Angel, about Lilith. He hated the parts that included Jace, remembering how he had allowed himself to be beaten by the angel boy.

But, he remained silent. The story was familiar to him. It was written in his memories and he couldn't do anything to change it. The thing that he could change was his future. And it will be changed, he had promised that to himself.

When Clary finished, Victoria let her to catch her breath before she spoke again.

-So, your father made the three of you different than ordinary Shadowhunters?-she didn't seem shocked, more like she was repeating part of the lesson she hadn't quite understood.

-Yes.-Clary nodded. She sounded tired.

-But, demons' blood killed humanity in Sebastian. He has no compassion, no love for anything. I even think there are worse things he could do to us than making us drink one of these bloods.-

_Of course there are worse things, but you're my sister._ he had his own amusing conversation with Clary in his mind. _I'd never do something _too_ dreadful to you._

Victoria didn't answer. He guessed she was trying to find a way to avoid drinking the blood, but he knew with satisfaction that there was nothing she could do or say that would make him change his mid. As his sister had pointed out, there was no compassion in him, there was nothing that could soften his heart.

-Why are you letting me choose the blood?-Clary started the conversation again.

-We're not friends.-

He heard Victoria's sudden intake of air, like she had suddenly been woken. But, when she spoke, her voice was calm.

-Jace would want me to help you.-she said, but then insecurity came in her voice.

-And I have to do it, for my own sake.-

-Why?-he heard Clary's voice, now just confused.

There were few moments of silence after that. Jonathan was becoming annoyed with those silences every few minutes. Why had he thought that eavesdropping on the conversation between two girls could be interesting? They just talked about things he already knew and that annoyed him. He was just about to break it in when Victoria sighed and that sigh froze him in place where he was.

-I have to tell you. You have to know.-she was saying the words like it could help her to reconcile with herself.

-I ... I kissed Jace.-

Silence again. Jonathan barely held himself back from laughing. This just made the whole conversation worthy of eavesdropping on. Was it possible that perfect, beloved Jace had fallen in love with somebody else? Was it possible that Clary wasn't his only love? He couldn't get such an advantage even if he had asked for it.

-So, your talks about scorn you feel for him, that was all crap?-it surprised him how calm and cold his sister's voice was.

-Not a day has gone since you told me that. And then you kissed him.-

-When I told you that, I was trying to save your relationship.-Victoria's tone was defensive and apologetic.

-I haven't wanted you two to break up, no matter what you think of me. And I really thought I felt nothing for him, nothing strong enough to kiss him. But, after you had fight, we talked and it ... it just happened.-

-Yeah, always the best excuse.-Clary snorted.

-_It just happened._-

-Like you've never used it.-apology was gone out of Victoria's voice and how hers was cold too.

And there was silence again. More than five minutes must have passed, but Jonathan now enjoyed this conversation too much to break it in. This girl certainly knew how to deal with his sister. Maybe their choice made no difference. If he controlled Victoria, he could definitely use her to keep Clary under control.

-I know I shouldn't have done it.-Victoria continued when Clary didn't reply.

-He's your boyfriend. And I do believe he's still in love with you. I think he has just ... forgotten that for a moment.-

-How can he forget he's in love with me?-Clary asked with cold rage in her voice.

-You can't _forget_ you're in love with somebody. If he kissed you, he knew exactly what he was doing. And so did you.-

-You did forget him, Clary.-Victoria obviously had no will to be evasive now.

-As I said to you before, you put him behind everything else in your life after his injury. I guess you did it unintentionally, but he felt he wasn't as important to you as before. I could see it too. And you know how you acted, even though you don't want to admit it.-

-Don't tell me how I feel!-Clary yelled at her.

-Don't act like you know me!-

Jonathan half expected Victoria to give up after this eruption of his sister's anger, but she was still calm.

-That's the same thing Jace told me when I first met him.-she replied, but her tone changed a bit when she said Jace's name, becoming gentler.

-And it turned out to be that I know him. I said to him that I would never fall in love with him, but that turned out to be false too.-

-Why are you telling me this?-Clary sounded so furious that Jonathan could imagine her red hair being in flames.

-I don't want to know anything about you and Jace and how you stole him from me!-

-Because you have to realize I'm telling you the truth. All of it.-Victoria said.

-And I want to prove you I never intended this to happen. I'm able to put your feelings above my own. I want you to understand why he kissed me.-

-Please, spare me.-but Clary didn't asked, she ordered.

And Victoria didn't listen.

-I won't.-her voice was firm.

-You'll hear what I have to say, Clary. If there's any love left for Jace in your heart, you'll hear it.-

Only the mentioning of Jace's name could make his sister to shut up. Jonathan felt jealousy burning inside him, but he still waited.

-The thing that attracted me to Jace wasn't his look, or his comments, or his weakness.-it was Victoria who was speaking.

-When you spend your life being treated like you're simple-minded just because you can't throw blades as well as others can or you can't run as fast as they can, you learn to accept they think they are above you and there's nothing you can do about it because it will never change, not as long as they carry angel's blood in their veins and you don't. I thought Jace will be just like the rest of the Shadowhunters, maybe even worse, since we didn't know each other. Shadowhunters in Idris knew about me, but you here didn't.-

Victoria stopped for a second to take a deep breath, but surprisingly for Jonathan, Clary didn't interrupt her.

-And he was like that at the beginning.-Victoria continued.

-He despised me and I despised him. But, we were forced to spend a lot of time together. And in time his behaviour changed. He started to talk to me like to an equal. To him, I was more than just a mundane. He gave me something I had never thought a Shadowhunter could give me; a feeling of being worthy, a feeling of being needed. Not just as a servant, but as a person of confidence. And that's why I returned his kiss. Because he needed me and I needed him. He was the only one who _saw_ me, no matter if I had the Angel's blood in my veins or not.-

Jonathan expected Clary to explode in fury again. His sister would never tolerate other girl to speak of Jace like that. Jace was only hers, she didn't want to share him in any way, Jonathan knew that from personal experience.

But, instead of that, he heard Clary's tone changed. She didn't seem angry anymore.

-He _saw_ me, too.-she replied, emphasising the same word Victoria had.

-When I first met him, I thought there was no chance he will ever love somebody like me. He was a Shadowhunter; powerful, strong, handsome. And I was practically a mundane, someone who needed saving all the time, a burden. And even when I discovered my powers, I didn't have faith in them, in myself. But, he always did. He's always believed in me. He saw more in me than I saw in myself. That's one of the most beautiful things about him and maybe the reason I fell in love with him. Now that I know that attracted you to him too, somehow I can't blame you.-

-Clary, I didn't want it to happen.-Victoria said, but relief could be heard in her voice after she had heard Clary's words.

-I've never tried to steal Jace from you. He's too precious to think of him as of an object that we can steal from one another. I care too much for him to think like that. I want him to be happy. And I've never seen him happier than in those first days with you after I had arrived. His eyes shone every time he heard your voice.-

If Clary stopped being furious, her anger was obviously shifted on Jonathan. He couldn't believe he had been listening to this. A conversation between two girls who wanted love of a guy he hated the most.

_Why am I listening to this crap?_ he asked himself, wanting so badly to punch something. Or someone, even better. _I should go there immediately and slap the first one who mentions that name again._

-But, our love weakened.-Clary said with sorrow in her voice that she tried to control, but failed.

-He fell in love with you.-

It seemed like his legs didn't want to move until the conversation was over.

_My damn curiosity._ he cursed. _It's obviously something that demons have too._

-Maybe part of him did.-Victoria replied.

-But, if I know Jace even a bit, his love for you isn't gone. You see, from your story I realized something about him I've only been guessing until now. He was told so many things that he thought they were true and then he found out they weren't. Valentine being his father, he himself being a demon. I believe that he got scared that your love for him will be a lie too.-

-But, I've never lied to him!-Clary protested.

-I told him every day that I loved him!-

-But, you had to _mean_ it, to _show_ it to him.-Victoria explained.

-He doubts everything in his life now, Clary. Everything he had thought it was true turned out to be a lie. You have to keep _showing_ him the love you feel for him. He won't believe it if you don't.-

And there was silence again. Jonathan hoped that this talk was finally over. His legs moved at last and he went to open the door of his room, to perform the show again. But, he heard Clary's voice again and came back.

-You're truly serious.-Clary was amazed, but also more cheerful than before.

-You really want to help me to get him back. Even though you admitted that you're in love with him.-

-His sight will be back soon.-unlike Clary, Victoria was in low spirits.

-He'll want to fight, to hunt demons. And I can't follow him to the battlefield. He'll need you more than me there.-

-But, if you know so much about Shadowhunters, why don't they let you drink from the Mortal Cup?- it was truly amazing, Jonathan thought, how Clary suddenly became fond of the girl she had loathed few minutes before just because that girl had said that Jace will remain only Clary's.

-You can become a Shadowhunter and fight. Don't you want that?-

Victoria didn't answer for few moments.

-I do.-she said at last with deep longing in her voice.

-But, I can't. The fact that I'm a mundane isn't my only weakness. I have more of them and they can't be fixed by drinking from the Mortal Cup.-

-What do you mean?-Clary asked.

_You should learn not to stick your nose in other people's business, dear sister._ Jonathan snorted. _I truly admire Victoria for how she can talk to you for so long. I'd knock you out __a long time ago._

-I ... I shouldn't tell you.-Victoria said with hesitation in her voice.

-I'm sorry, Clary, but ... I don't like to talk about it.-

-Why not? Maybe we can help you.-Clary said enthusiastically.

-Believe me, you can't.-it was said matter-of-factly.

_What kind of secret is this girl hiding?_ Jonathan started to wonder. _She's not damaged, at least not on the outside. And she's clever, even I admit that. What kind of weakness is she talking about then? C'mon, Clary, now is the time for you to be pushy. Get me some answers._

And Clary did so.

-You can tell me.-she said gently, like the tone of her voice could make the other girl to confide in her.

-I won't tell anyone, I promise.-

-And what about your brother?-Victoria asked.

-He could hear us.-

What surprised Jonathan the most was the fact that there was no anger or hatred in her voice when she mentioned him. There was nervousness mixed with fear. She was more afraid for her secret than she was afraid of him. In her head, he and Clary were equally dangerous if they found out about it. He was just an excuse for her.

-If you drink from the Infernal Cup, you'll tell him everything.-Clary pointed out after few moments of thinking.

-It will make no difference. But, now you can tell me.-

_Smart move, little sister._ Jonathan smiled, completely amused. _Maybe you didn't learn to watch your manners from this girl, but you most certainly did how to let words to become a weapon._

Victoria sighed. She was obviously too tired to argue. Or too hopeless.

-The only reason I can see you is because of your runes.-she said.

-I can't see anything that's not from the Shadow world. In the mundane world, I'm blind.-

Jonathan didn't hear Clary's answer, if there was one. He suddenly got lost in his own thoughts. He could see documents of his father in front of his eyes. Tons and tons of papers, notes, drawings of his experiments. And Jonathan was looking through his own memories a particular notebook about the experiment that had always intrigued him.

_First amount of angel blood given to a mundane girl three days after birth._ his father's words echoed in Jonathan's mind. S_he sees me and the angel and my weapons and reaches for them, but when I put an ordinary knife with no runes on it in front of her, she seems to be blind. Angel's blood gave her ability to see our world, but it took her normal sight away in return._

But, that wasn't possible. That had happened before his father had married Jocelyn, before Jonathan's birth. His father had left that girl in some mundane orphanage because his experiment had failed. Why would he have cared about a blind mundane girl? He had soon had a son of his own and he had given him blood of Lilith, made him the most powerful Shadowhunter there was. I was impossible that Victoria could be that girl from his father's notes. Chances that Shadowhunters had found her and taken her to Idris all those years ago were minimal.

_But, it all fits._ he thought, not sure of he was satisfied with it or not. _She's-what? Eighteen, nineteen? She's the right age. And she sees only our world. Can it be?_

-You know now, Clary.-he realized the conversation had moved on only when Victoria spoke.

-You and Jace are the only ones who know. I'm just asking you to keep it for yourself.-

_You've forgotten to mention me._ Jonathan smiled ironically. _I know too._

-I will, I promise.-Clary replied.

-I see now why you understand Jace so well. You know how it is to be blind.-

-Yes, unfortunately, I do.-Victoria said, but then snapped out of her sadness.

-We don't have much time left, Clary. Which blood will you pick?-

Jonathan's mood improved right away. Finally, the interesting part.

-Look, I appreciate your offer, but ... -Clary started, but Victoria interrupted her.

-Clary, stop.-she ordered.

-I know that you don't want to become one of your brother's Shadowhunters, I see that on your face. Just say so and take the vampire blood.-

-But, I don't want you to become that either.-Clary protested.

-I don't want anyone to become my brother's servant. You'll lose your humanity, your feelings.-

-And I'll be out of your and Jace's way.-Victoria added, but there was no poison in her voice. It seemed she found that the simplest solution of all.

-Everyone wins, Clary. OK, except your brother maybe. He'll get the weakest Shadowhunter he could ever imagine. Of course, in not likely case that I survive.-

Jonathan thought again about making the choice for them and forcing Clary to drink from the Infernal Cup. He would have more use of that case than of the opposite one.

-Victoria, how can you ... -Clary wanted to ask the question, but Victoria didn't let her.

-Take your cup.-she said.

Jonathan knew he didn't want it to happen.

_Clary's mine._ he thought angrily. _And I won't let a mundane girl to take her away from me._

He forgot all about caution and his show with the door and marched into their room. He went straight towards Clary, wanting to take the cup out of her hands before she could drink from it.

But, he found an obstacle in shape of Victoria's body that blocked his path. When he managed to bypass her, it was already too late. Clary's mouth was covered in blood, like she just couldn't make herself to drink it all. But, her green eyes didn't even look at him. They were fixed on Victoria who had drunk from his precious Infernal Cup.

The girl's eyes shone like somebody had lit a fire in them. Her body shivered so much that she dropped the Infernal Cup. Only Jonathan's inhuman reflexes managed to save it.

But, he continued to stare at Victoria, forgetting Clary completely. There were two shadows around her body, white and black, like the angel blood she had got from his father and the demon blood she had just drunk fought for the power.

It was impossible to tell which one will win. Or will there be enough strength in body of a mundane for either side to be a victor.

**A long chapter again, I know, but I couldn't find a good place to break it in two. I just had to write it like this. Thanks for the support, it's really appreciated and helpful :) I apologize again for every grammar or spelling mistake I made. I swear on the Angel it wasn't made intentionally :)**


	21. Only darkness

-Have you found her?-Jace asked for at least the thousandth time in the last few minutes.

Magnus, who was trying to locate Victoria by using the blood they had found on the entrance to the Institute, frowned. He looked tired, with bags formed under his eyes, but Jace was already too worried. If he started to worry about Magnus's fatigue, he will definitely explode.

-I'm trying.-Magnus snorted.

-And your constant questions aren't helping. They're quite annoying and distracting, actually.-

Jace was tempted to answer something rude, but he held himself back. Magnus was doing him a favour. Again. And this time it wasn't Alec's boyfriend doing him a favour, but High Warlock of Brooklyn. It was possible that this "favour" will have to be paid for, and he will only pay bigger price if he continued to annoy Magnus.

He walked around like a lion in a cage, trying to figure out who and why would kidnap Victoria. Nobody knew her secret but him. And she wasn't a Shadowhunter; nobody could use powers she didn't have.

_Why would anyone want to kidnap her?_ he kept asking himself, trying to guess the answer. _She's not threat to anyone._ _Unless somebody found out how much I care for her. And he wants to use her to hurt me. And I can think of only few people who hate me that much._

Picture of Sebastian appeared right away in front of his eyes.

_But, how could he have found out?_ it didn't make any sense. _Victoria hadn__'t left the Institute since the day she had come. How could Sebastian have learned about her? How could he have__ learned about feelings I feel for her?_

A sound of footsteps interrupted the wave of questions in his mind. Isabelle walked towards him.

-Clary's not answering her phone.-she said with worry in her voice.

-I called Simon and she's not at his place. Nobody answers at Luke's and I didn't have any will to call Jocelyn and tell her Clary's missing again.-

_Clary._ he looked at Isabelle, stunned. _Not her too. Clary ..._

He felt his pulse going crazy. Heavenly fire in him wanted to burn every obstacle on his way, so he could find them. His hands shivered, his forehead was sweaty. He couldn't stand still, so he started to walk around again.

-Call her again.-he demanded.

-I've called her five times.-Isabelle replied.

-Her phone's dead.-

Jace sighed. This should have been a happy day, the day his sight was back. But, now it kept getting worse and worse with every second.

-Magnus, have you found anything?-he asked without separating his eyes from Isabelle.

Magnus snorted again, but not because of being annoyed.

-Nothing.-he mumbled with fatigue in his words.

-It feels like this blood doesn't belong to anyone anymore. When I try to see the person it belongs to, I get nothing. Only darkness.-

_It can't be._ Jace's heart almost stopped beating. _She can't be dead. She _can't_. I won't __accept it._

-Jace, what if it's Clary's blood?-Isabelle's voice, the voice of a girl who was never scared, shivered.

-What if Sebastian ... -

-_Don't mention that name_.-he growled, knowing it _could_ all be Sebastian fault. That was the worst possibility of all. He didn't even want to imagine what Sebastian could to the girls he cared for the most.

-We have to find them, wherever they are. If this is _his_ fault,-he hissed the word "his".

-I'll kill him.-

-But, Jace, they could be anywhere by now.-he could hear that Isabelle hated the fact she had to point out the obvious things she didn't like at all.

-And if Magnus can't find them, how can we?-

-I can't just sit around and do nothing, Izzy.-he said, wanting so badly to punch something, wanting to set his rage, his fear, free.

-We have to do _something_. Anything.-

Just when she was about to ask what that "anything" could be, Alec walked into the room. It was obvious that he was avoiding looking at Magnus, since his blue eyes didn't move away from the two of them.

-Have you found her?-he whispered, letting them to know he didn't want to talk to Magnus.

Jace shook his head.

-No.-he sighed.

-And that's not all. Clary's missing too. And if I had any money, I'd bet on Sebastian.-

-We all would.-Isabelle agreed.

Alec's eyes wandered from one of them to the other.

-Have you called her?-he asked.

-Five times.-Isabelle answered, stretching her hand which held her mobile phone out.

-Her phone's dead. And she's not at home or at Simon's. And I'm not suicidal enough yet to call Jocelyn.-

Alec nodded, but then took a deep breath.

-I'm afraid those aren't our only problems.-he said and his voice was far from calm.

-Raphael has been found dead. Near the Institute.-

Isabelle and Jace looked at each other.

-But, who killed him? And why?-Isabelle's eyebrows rose in astonishment.

-I don't know.-Alec shrugged.

-But, you can guess how the vampires reacted. They think we killed him and therefore they have no reason to obey the Accords anymore. Because of Raphael's death, the city is the living hell full of furious vampires.-


	22. Don't be afraid

**Sorry, people, school kept me busy. But, the new chapter is finally here :)**

-How could you do this to her?!-a female voice full of hatred asked.

-She was a mundane! She wasn't supposed to drink from your bloody Cup!-

-O, now you care for her, dear sister?-a male voice, cold and amused, replied with sarcasm.

-The girl gave Jace up and suddenly you're her new best friend. Besides, I didn't actually make her drink from the Cup. The decision was hers.-

The woman didn't reply, obviously embarrassed. But, the man moved, she heard his steps, and suddenly she felt two fingers on her neck, checking her pulse.

-She's alive.-he said, sounding completely indifferent, like he couldn't care less.

-I'm surprised indeed, but she's obviously stronger than she looks like.-

She was strong; she felt it in her muscles, in her bones, in her blood. She had enough strength to open her eyes and face them, but not because she wanted to be spiteful. Being spiteful didn't mean much to her. Her pride was under control, like she didn't even have any.

When she opened her eyes, she saw two figures. They were so different and yet they had some similarities in their faces. Her hair was dark, but not as it had used to be. His hair was light, but not as it had used to be. They looked at her with surprise and curiosity in their eyes; but, only his eyes remained the same as she remembered them. Her eyes were different than in Victoria's memories.

-Victoria?-the woman, the girl, Clary, called her name.

-Are you alright?-

She was and she wasn't at the same time. She couldn't explain it. She felt strong, she felt the world had changed because she herself had changed, but she also felt loss. She had gained something, but in exchange she had also lost something.

-I'm fine.-she replied, although it wasn't entirely true. But, it wasn't important that they knew the truth. It didn't matter.

-That's delightful.-the man, the boy, Clary's brother, Jonathan, said with amusement in his voice.

-But, how do you feel? Better than before? Stronger than before?-

Victoria forced her mind to remember. She had obviously fainted. But, she felt healthy, she felt strong. Much more than before the loss of consciousness. But, what difference did it make? She was still a prisoner. And what difference did this prison make? She has been a prisoner for her entire life. But, what difference did it make, free or captured, when both states ended in the same way?

-I feel ... different.-she used the word that described her feelings the best.

He nodded like he understood exactly what she meant.

-Is there anything different about us, Victoria?-he studied her face like a scientist observing an interesting experiment.

-About me and Clary? Are we different than you remember?-

-You've been eavesdropping on us.-Clary interfered before Victoria could answer.

-Of course I have.-but, his eyes didn't even glare at his sister. They remained focused on Victoria, but she had no trouble with enduring his gaze.

-You are different.-she confirmed.

-Your hair is darker than it used to be. But, your eyes didn't change.-

Those same eyes shone suddenly, but she wasn't sure if he was surprised or angry or frightened or anything else. And she had to admit to herself that she didn't care. Not because he was Jonathan Morgenstern, the demon who had almost destroyed her home, Alicante, but because _she_ just didn't care.

-And can you see where we are?-he asked the next question after few moments of silence.

She looked around. There were only two beds in the room and the three of them. The room wasn't large, maybe four-five meters long and three wide. The walls were light, but she could see pieces of dark thing on them, probably some dirt.

-Yes.-she nodded.

-But, it's not much. Just two beds and walls.-

A sudden gasp made Victoria look at Clary. The other girl stared at her with amazement, her eyes and mouth wide opened. She looked shocked. Unlike her, Jonathan still had that amused smile on his face. And Victoria just didn't care about any of them. She knew Jonathan was evil and Clary was good, but she didn't judge him or help her.

-Well, this is quite interesting.-Jonathan looked at the cup, the Infernal Cup, he was holding in his hands and then at his sister.

-It seems that this Cup isn't all evil as you say, little sister. It gave this girl her sight back.-

Clary ignored him. Her eyes were still focused on Victoria.

-Victoria?-she sounded almost afraid.

-Do you remember what we had talked about before you fainted?-

Victoria focused, after short considering of the possibility not to bother at all. And the answer came.

-I told you I had kissed Jace, your boyfriend.-a picture of a young man with light hair and eyes appeared in her mind.

-You became angry, but then we talked and you calmed down.-

Clary's eyes separated from hers and she looked at her brother. She was furious.

-Look what your bloody Cup has done!-she yelled at him.

Jonathan laughed.

-What it does to every man and woman who drink from it. It made her more powerful and under my command.-he made a step forward.

-I can command her to fall out of love with Jace. Isn't that what you want, little sister?-

_Fall out of love?_ Victoria wondered. But, _I'm not in love. I'd know if I was._

-Not like this!-Clary shouted.

-You had no right to do this!-

-Well, maybe you should have sacrificed yourself in her place.-Jonathan said with sarcasm, coming one more step closer to Victoria.

-She's mine now, like you should have been, dear sister. But, I think I'll find this solution equally amusing.-

He raised his hand and moved as if to touch Victoria's face. She didn't feel disgust or anger or anything at all. But, she still didn't want him to touch her, not because of who he was, but because it would _feel_. And she didn't want, didn't need to feel anything.

She raised her hand and blocked the way of his.

He seemed surprised.

-What're you doing?-he asked.

-Nothing.-she replied, without any sarcasm or smart answer that had seemed so natural to her once.

-You're disobeying me.-he noticed and threat sneaked into his voice.

-I am.-she answered without any emotion.

His eyebrows rose.

-I don't like being disobeyed.-he said.

She nodded.

-I can tell.-she wasn't mocking him, just stating the fact.

-Why are you doing it then?-his eyes were cold, but they weren't indifferent as before. He was becoming furious.

But, she didn't care. She wasn't afraid of him. Fear sounded like a word of a foreign language to her. She didn't look away from him.

-Because it _feels_.-she said the truth. It didn't matter if he knew it; there was nothing he could do about or with it anyway.

His eyes narrowed.

-And you don't want to feel?-he asked with suspicion in his voice.

-I don't need to feel.-she replied, calm and indifferent, realizing the entire truth in that moment while his gaze captivated hers.

-I _don't_ feel.-

He moved his hand away from her face. His eyes studied hers, like he was trying to find a proof that she was lying, that she was trying to deceive him.

But, she was an open book for anyone who wanted to read it. Hiding her secrets meant nothing anymore because both the lies and the truths felt the same.

-Why is she like this?-Clary's voice shivered while she was addressing her brother.

-Why isn't she like your other Shadowhunters?-

Jonathan stared at Victoria for few more moments. She could see he was thinking about her behaviour, trying to set pieces of the puzzle together.

-Because wasn't a Shadowhunter before.-he replied, not looking at Clary, although he spoke with her.

-But, mundanes who drink from the Mortal Cup without being prepared for it die or become Forsaken.-Clary wanted to get answers, even though it was only her brother who could give them.

-Your Cup should function in the same way. And she's not dead or Forsaken.-

-Thank you for pointing out the obvious, little sister.-but there was no smirk on Jonathan's lips now, like it had been every time he had called Clary "dear" or "little sister".

His dark eyes didn't separate from Victoria's, like he could stare at her until she would look at other direction. But, Victoria had no reason and no wish to do so, so they stared at each other like they could do it until the end of the world.

-She wasn't an ordinary mundane.-he said at last.

-She had the Sight, I know.-Clary sounded annoyed, but Jonathan didn't look at her.

-But, there's a reason why she had _the_ Sight and didn't have normal sight.-he continued, like he was talking more to himself than to Clary.

-Our father had made her who she was. She's something like our lost sister, just like Jace's something like our brother.-

-Jace's not our brother.-Clary hissed.

Jonathan ignored her.

-He stole her from her mundane family only three days after she had been born.-it seemed like he was a father telling a bed-time story to his child. But, they all knew Jonathan was very far from ever being a parent.

-And he gave her angel's blood. He wanted to create new Shadowhunters without the Mortal Cup. But, his experiment failed. She only gained the Sight, but not our powers. And she lost the normal sight in the process. It had all happened before he married Jocelyn.-

Victoria had heard his words about her family, her origin. And she found out again that she didn't care. She knew she should feel sorrow, pain, anger, hatred, but those were all only words. Only words written on the paper, spoken with someone's voice. She couldn't feel any of it. She just stared coldly at Jonathan who seemed almost distracted by her lack of emotions.

-So, when she drank demon's blood ... -Clary started to talk, but Jonathan interrupted her.

-She gained her sight again.-he nodded.

-But, as she had lost it when our father had given her angel's blood in exchange for the Sight, now she had to lose something in exchange for getting it back. And she lost her feelings. And now she has both of bloods inside her veins.-

Victoria's eyes wandered from Jonathan to Clary and back. They seemed so interested in her change, the first feeling that was shown both on his and her face at the same time. One could see in the way they eyes widened that they truly were siblings. Jonathan seemed even more interested than Clary and Victoria remembered he also had both demon's and angel's blood in his veins. Now they were more similar than she and Clary had used to be when she had only angel's blood in her veins.

But, she couldn't guess why they looked at her that way. She had lost feelings, so what? She still knew what was wrong and what was right, even though she had to _force_ herself to think about it. She didn't have any feeling to make her to think about it, it was made by pure strength of her will.

_At least Clary should be satisfied._ she thought, remembering emotions that once streamed through her. _There's nothing that links me to Jace anymore. As for Jonathan, he lost his humanity long ago. Isn't it almost the same as my state? He should already be familiar with everything that's happening with me._

-What's done, it's done.-she shrugged.

When she said that, Jonathan's eyes shone.

-That's definitely true.-thoughtfulness vanished from his face and was replaced by a smirk.

-You've made your choice. And my sister has made hers.-

Suddenly, almost faster that Victoria's eyes could follow his movements, he turned around and grabbed Clary's arm. Clary gasped in surprise, but in a second surprise was replaced by horror in her eyes. She had drunk vampire's blood, but it wasn't enough to make her a vampire. She had to _die_ to become one.

Fast and smoothly, Jonathan put her in front of himself, holding her hands behind her back with one of his hand. Elbow of his other hand surrounded Clary's neck. His lips were leaned on her cheek.

-Don't be afraid, little sister.-he smiled against her skin.

Before Victoria could even think about what to do or say, a sound echoed through the room. Without any sign of compassion or pricks of conscience, like it was as natural to him as breathing, his arms made their move. Life vanished from Clary's eyes like it had never been there, leaving her broken body behind.

**Clace fans! Please read sentences below before you decide you want me dead!**

**Clary drank vampire's blood. That's a fact. She will maybe come back as a vampire. Or maybe she won't. She will maybe be able to spend the enternity with her best friend. Maybe she won't. Maybe Jace will become a vampire too. Maybe he won't. Clary maybe isn't gone forever. Or maybe she is. But, remember, that's all MAYBE. I'm not telling the story in advance, I'm just trying to remind you that this isn't the end of this story. There is still hope. So, take deep breaths and wait for the next chapter ( if you will actually do so after this, I have no influence on that :/ )**

**For the rest of you who are indifferent/ don't like Clace, I don't have to calm you down, so just keep following. I hope that you like the story and its plot until now. **

**And I thank you all for reading this, there's more than ten thousand views :) It really feels great. Of course, thank you for all your reviews, follows, favourites. Before I forget, I apologize once again for all the grammar or spelling mistakes.**


	23. Matters of perspective

**Sorry, people, school kept me busy. Again :P But, I also had to think whose point of view this chapter will be from. It couldn't be Victoria's because it was in the last chapter. Jace and others are captured in the Institute. Clary is dead. So, it had to be Jonathan. Again. I hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

He knew she was staring at his back. He could feel the gaze of those indifferent green eyes which had lost their brilliance, their ability to show her emotions. And they had been so alive once.

Even he had known Victoria as she had truly been for a very short time, Jonathan couldn't deny that the girl had had spirit. She hadn't shown a trace of fear when she had been standing between two fires. She had made her choice, trying to save Clary from the fate his sister so desperately wanted to avoid. He had to admit he was really impressed by her actions.

But, the only thing he couldn't understand was why Victoria had let Jace go. If he was in love with her, she could have had him for herself. She hadn't had to give him up just because of Clary. Jonathan had never believed Jace would leave his sister, since they had always sworn on their love, pretending like it would never end. But, it had turned out Jace was in love with this girl. And she had given him back to Clary; she hadn't been selfish like Jonathan thought it was natural to be. To Clary, who couldn't have him right now, since her body was lying in Jonathan's arms with no sign of life in it.

He put his sister's body on the grass and started to dig a hole in the ground with his bare hands.

They were on a graveyard, the nearest to Jonathan's hiding place, just he, Victoria and Clary's body. He didn't need any of his Shadowhunters to come with them. They were gathering, getting ready for the attack on the New York Institute. It was the first step towards victory and a test for the loyalty of the vampires. As for Victoria, he just hadn't known what to do with her after she had been changed, so he had let her to come with him to bury Clary. She didn't seem like she will try to stop him anyway. And after "waking up", Clary will present his offer to the vampires, which they will undoubtedly accept. The deal was simple; if they bring him victory, he will give them lives free of accords and full of blood. He himself didn't mind the idea at all.

He thought he will end his job as he had started it, in silence, but Victoria broke it.

-How is it for you, to have both angel's and demon's blood in your veins?-she asked.

In a second he changed his position. He wanted to look at her while digging. Then he continued his work.

-It's great.-he grinned, knowing she was hoping for different kind of answer.

-I'm stronger, better, more powerful than anyone else.-

She didn't even blink.

-Jace beat you.-

That pissed him off immediately. He knew there had been no mockery in her voice, no eagerness. She had just stated a fact, knowing it from the story Clary had told her. But, he hated when anybody reminded him of his only defeat. It wasn't like he had many people around who still had their own will and were able to do that, but each time it woke fury in him.

-He was lucky.-he growled, keeping his hands in the dirt instead of putting them around her neck.

-And he had that Lightwood girl to help him.-

He regretted his words the moment he said them.

_Why am I justifying myself to this girl?_ he had just made himself angrier. _Who is she? A mundane girl with no real powers. She can't even feel. At least I can feel greed or hatred. This girl's even worse than me. She's just indifferent._

-You hate him.-her voice interrupted his thoughts.

-Of course I do.-he spat.

-I'll enjoy so much when I kill him. He stole everything from me. My family name, my father, Clary.-

Victoria's eyes left him for a moment and looked at Clary's body.

-She's your sister.-she mumbled, sounding like it was done against her own will.

-Yes, she is.-he nodded, not carrying if she would feel disgust. He didn't care about DNA or morality. If he wanted Clary, then she was his. If he didn't want her, she was as useless as any girl around him. It depended only on his mood.

-You wanted her for yourself, but when you could have had her, you killed her.-she said, but this time it wasn't just a sentence. There was an unspoken question at its end.

-She will come back soon.-he replied. Clary had to come back. She had angel's blood in her veins. She was weak compared to him, but not that weak.

-I have faith in my little sister.-

-You don't have faith.-Victoria's voice was emotionless again, just stating a fact.

-Not even in Clary. If she doesn't come back, you won't be sorry at all.-

He shrugged with a smirk on his face.

-I guess you're probably right.-he separated his gaze from the hole for a moment and looked at her.

-But, why do you care? You don't have feelings anymore. You and I are almost the same now.-

-Yes, we are.-she nodded calmly and he could see she had been thinking about their similarities too, but, surprisingly, not with disgust.

-But, I still know the difference between right and wrong. Do you?-

-Right and wrong are matters of perspective.-he laughed.

-In my perspective, my quest is right. And everyone who opposes me is wrong. It's as simple as that.-

-And killing your sister is right?-she asked and he was almost sure he had heard curiosity in her voice.

-If it serves its purpose, then yes.-he glanced at Clary's body, her neck in unnatural position after being broken by his hands.

Suddenly, he saw a shadow moving with the corner of his eyes. He jumped and grabbed a Seraph blade out of his gear, ready to cut the throat to whoever dared to disturb him in his task. He was caught completely off guard when he realized that his blade was leaned on Victoria's throat.

-I'll help you dig.-she said, her face completely deprived of fear.

He became suspicious immediately. She couldn't feel, but it didn't mean she couldn't think of a plan to kill him if he was stupid enough to offer her that chance.

-You don't need to.-he removed the blade from her neck and put it back in his gear.

-I'll do it myself.-

-We'll do it faster together.-she pointed out.

Her observation was logical and nothing more than that, but he didn't care.

-I'll do it myself.-he repeated.

-She's my sister.-

-We concluded before you're not a sentimental type.-she said and even though it was obvious she didn't mean it to be funny, he had to hold back a smile.

-You hurt my feelings.-he said ironically.

-We also concluded you don't have them.-she replied and before he could stop her, she kneeled next to him and her long elegant hands started to move the soil.

Somehow, he couldn't help himself. He laughed.

-Do you have any more conclusions about me?-he asked, amused.

Even though her hands didn't stop working, her eyes were on him.

-Have you ever tried to oppose your blood?-she ignored his question like he had never asked it.

He couldn't pretend he didn't know what she was talking about. Indifference on her face wasn't whole anymore. There was a bit of seriousness in it. It seemed like only few selected emotions could still reach her, those which didn't demand from her to take sides.

-No.-he answered, honestly for a change.

-Why would I do that?-

-For others' sake.-she shrugged, like it was the first thing that had come to her mind and she knew it wasn't much of an answer.

He laughed again, this time out of pure sarcasm.

-Why should I care about others' sake?-he asked, his hands starting to work faster. Her questions became annoying. She was still on their side, just when he had thought he had someone similar to himself on his.

-Maybe to test yourself then.-she ignored his question again.

-I was testing myself each time I had the chance to kill the angel-boy.-he spat, determined to strike back.

-Why did you give him up? You could have had him for yourself, even before you drank from the Infernal Cup. And you gave him to my stupid sister.-

He let the rage to erupt out of him. It annoyed him whenever someone mentioned Jace. Why didn't this girl understand that, understand him? They were similar, emotionless. She should understand him.

She didn't answer for few moments. Her face was thoughtful, like she couldn't really understand herself why she had given Jace up. From her current point of view, it wasn't logical.

-I guess his happiness was more important to me than my own.-she said at last, answering like for a test unprepared student.

-And he is happy with Clary.-

-It didn't sound like that to me when I eavesdropped on you.-he replied, relieved that the subject of conversation moved away from him, but also curious about what she will say now when shame or care didn't mean anything to her.

She shrugged.

-He's injured, you know.-her eyes left his and looked at her hands. It seemed like she was remembering something that had been important to her once and it had had something to do with them.

-He lost his sight and he doesn't know if it will ever come back. Clary wasn't there for him when he needed her. I mean, not in the way he needed her. He needed someone to remind him of his old self, not of the blind man he had become.-

_That idiot is blind?_ Jonathan almost laughed out loud. _If I had known about this, I'd surely have visited him. Maybe I'd have taken his eyes out, so he can be sure he will never get his sight back. That would be even better enjoyment than having him killed. Maybe I'll do just that the next time we meet._

-And you were there, weren't you?-he smiled ironically.

-How did you exactly remind him of his old self? By making out with him?-

Victoria didn't even look at him or show in any way that his words had hurt her.

It was also becoming annoying. He loved to see other people furious or sad. And she probably wouldn't react if he raped her on the spot. She wasn't bad-looking, he had to admit that, with stunning green eyes and soft blond hair, but he wasn't in the mood for it right now. Much more important things waited for him.

-By treating him like he was still his old self.-she replied.

-I believe, or I once believed, that the way people act towards you influences the way you think about yourself. Shadowhunters always underestimated me, so I kind of underestimated myself, thinking I could never be as good as them, thinking that the things I do will never be as useful as those they do. It's the same with Jace. People thought of him as helpless, so he felt that way. And I wanted to show him that he wasn't helpless, so I treated him like he still had his sight, like he could still do anything Shadowhunters can do.-

-This was the longest speech I've heard from you since you changed.-he grinned.

-It was necessary.-she said.

-You asked me a question; I answered.-

-You always do that, or I am such a pleasant chat-partner?-his hand brushed hers in the soil.

-It depends.-she continued to dig like nothing had happened.

-On what?-he asked.

-If I know the answer or if you're in the mood for being pleasant chat-partner.-she replied.

_If only she was able to feel._ he suddenly and strangely found himself longing, but not without irony. _Even when she has no intention of being funny, she makes me laugh. This girl's brain indeed does work. If she could be talked into joining me, I'd never be bored._

-Am I now?-he raised his eyebrows and smiled cunningly.

-I don't know.-she admitted without a trace of hesitation.

-You're hard person to read. It's probably because of your blood. During our conversation, you've been furious, amused, annoyed. But, you probably wouldn't continue with it if you weren't at least a bit in the mood for it.-

-You know, you're the first person I might start to like.-he laughed.

-You don't _like_ people.-she ignored his joke.

-I might like you.-he was really amused; otherwise he would never have said that to anyone.

-You're different. You can actually stand me. And I don't have to force you.-

-That's because of whom I am now.-her eyes were open and honest.

-The old me probably couldn't do that. But, as you know, I'm very close to not caring. I can't love you; I can't hate you. To me, you are what you are.-

It was a strange feeling; to be accepted just the way you were. Jonathan couldn't remember he had ever felt it before, not even from the time he had spent with his father. His father had loved to give orders to him, to train him for a killer, but he had never accepted him. There had always been a trace of fear and hatred each time Jonathan had looked him in the eyes.

He knew that the only reason she accepted him was because accepting him made no difference for her. She had said that her old self wouldn't do that. But, he wanted to find out how far this acceptance went.

-So, there's no difference for you between me and Jace now.-he said it like a statement, but it was actually a question.

She looked him thoughtfully and didn't answer for few moments, like she needed to reconcile with herself about what was happening inside her mind.

-From my point of view, what he's doing is right and what you're doing is wrong.-she said finally.

-But, the way I feel, or better said, don't feel about both of you is the same. I can't love either of you and I can't hate either of you. I know how I _should_ feel, but it doesn't really make any difference. -

Jonathan stopped digging. He wiped his hands off his clothes, moving the dirt away as well as he could. He needed clean hands for what he was about to do.

-So, you wouldn't mind kissing me?-he asked, captivating her gaze with his own.

His right hand reached for her face. She didn't move away.

-It would mean nothing to me.-she didn't shiver or even blinked when his fingers touched her cheek.

-I'd feel no pleasure, no happiness, no disgust. Why would you want to kiss me?-

_To test you._ it would be an honest answer, but he had already been honest with her. It wouldn't be good if this girl started to wake some "good" emotions in him.

He leaned forward and after few moments his lips found hers.

Kissing her felt somehow felt both strange and natural at the same time. She didn't lean towards him, like she wasn't returning the kiss at all, even though her lips moved under his. She was so different from those girls who had liked him just because he was handsome and who had just wanted to get into his bed. But, she didn't move away either, like Clary had tried to do when he had kissed her. She was just frozen on the spot, waiting for him to end the kiss. Like she had said, he could sense no passion, no happiness, but also no disgust in her.

He found himself not willing to end the kiss. Somehow, her indifference about it, her lack of either desire or disgust made him feel goose bumps on his skin. It was the weirdest thing he has ever felt. Her skin was cold under his fingers, like her body radiated the state of her mind. And that coldness somehow stole the fire from him. They were two people with both angel's and demon's blood in their veins. The breeze of heaven and fire of hell were in balance in them, because they both shared them.

For the first time in his life, he felt something close to hatred for himself.

_I have to interrupt the kiss._ he said to himself, ordered to himself. _I have important things to do. And although this girl understands me, accepts me, she's weak. And I can't waste my time on someone who's weak._

Their lips separated. Her green eyes looked him for few more moments, not letting him go. Their kiss had done nothing to her. She was still the same. He somehow couldn't say the same for himself.

Her gaze suddenly left his face and looked at the hole they had dug.

-I think that's enough.-she pointed at Clary's body.

-She's tiny, she'll fit into it.-

She got up and went towards the body. After few seconds, he followed her. He grabbed Clary's body before she could touch it, determined to finish the job himself. He put it in the hole and buried it quite carelessly. He didn't even bother to make it look like a grave. It was a complete mess of soil and grass, but it will do it. His sister's body was completely covered and that was all that mattered.

He looked at Victoria who stood and stared at the grave he had made. She didn't comment anything and her face gave no emotions away. He had to remind himself she won't approve or disapprove anything he did.

-Move away.-he made it sound like an order, although he didn't really intend it to be.

-This won't be a pleasant sight when she wakes up.-

She moved few steps behind, not separating her gaze from the grave.

-And now we wait.-it was all that she said.

He nodded.

-And now we wait.-

**StArFiRe1328, thanks for the idea about Jonathan and Victoria. It's not an actual romance as you suggested, but it gave me an inspiration. What do two people who can't feel have to say to each other? How does having someone similar to them influence their thoughts? And the kiss took their inabilities to feel to their limits. It was really interesting to think about this. I hope you liked it :) And I'm, as always, very grateful for your support and I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes. :)**


	24. Completely lost

**I've finally allowed myself to have some rest and I find writing fanfictions one of the best ways to do it, so the next chapter is here already. I just needed to write my thoughts about next events down ( I sometimes think about what's going to happen next in the story when I'm bored during the classes, so it's double useful. I don't have to do it while writing and time in the classroom passes faster :D ) Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

She was hungry. She was starving like she hadn't eaten for weeks. But, she didn't have any Mexican or Chinese food, what she had used to love the most, on her mind. There was only one type of food now. It was a liquid and it was red.

But, something was blocking her way, preventing her from going to search for the food. It was heavy and it covered her whole body. She had to set herself free, otherwise she won't survive. It was too dark here even for her to see. She couldn't live in this darkness. Everything she needed to survive was behind it.

She moved her arms and legs, rousing like she was trying to tear the invisible chains up. She realized at some point that it was the soil that surrounded her and that she was buried alive. It made her feel panic, so she moved more wildly, trying to find empty space behind layers of soil, trying to breathe. Her mind knew that she needed to breathe. It was natural.

When she lost almost all of her hope, her arms finally found the way out. They found air. She forced her body to make its way through the soil. It was hard and gravity was pulling her down, but she took a deep breath the moment she felt her body was set free.

But, before she could even think about her next move, her instincts took control. She could smell it, the salty taste of the liquid she needed to survive. She could hear beating of two hearts, one close to the other like two lovers, but there was no doubt there were two of them.

_It's a lot of food._ she thought without any control of her own thoughts. She was a predator now and a predator needed its prey.

She got up more fast and more elegant than she had ever considered herself being able to and ran towards the sound. Her eyes, adapted to the darkness, saw two silhouettes. Somehow, they were familiar to her, like she had already seen them somewhere, long ago. In another life, in life that wasn't hers anymore.

One of the silhouettes suddenly moved towards her. He was fast too, even faster than she was. She tried to grab him, to knock him on the ground, but the same idea was also on his mind. And he executed it.

She found herself on the ground, rousing to set herself free again. But, he was too strong. His legs surrounded her waist and his hands held her wrists. She screamed and growled, feeling something growing in her mouth, something that had never been there before. It was a weapon. And it was natural to use it. She tried to bite his arm. She missed it the first time. But, then he leaned forward, moving his arm closer to her mouth. Surprisingly, he let her to bite him free willingly.

-Well done, little sister.-he whispered while her teeth, her fangs, pierced his skin.

But, she couldn't think about his words anymore. She was lost in ecstasy of blood. It occupied her every sense; her eyes saw red colour, her ears heard its streaming through his veins, her nose smelled the most beautiful scent of all, her lips touched its warmness. She felt stronger with every second, every drop that became the part of her. She forgot who she was, who he was. Nothing and nobody could reach her now.

And suddenly, he broke her ecstasy in. He grabbed her head roughly and literally pulled her fangs out of his arm.

-That's enough.-he said.

But, it wasn't, at least not for her. And she didn't care about him. She fought again, she wanted to kill him because he was denying his blood to her, but he still held her tight, like he didn't even notice the loss of it.

-Clary.-he called.

-Stop it.-

And she remembered then. The name was the trigger. She was Clary. And he was her brother Jonathan whom she knew as Sebastian. He was evil. He had forced her to choose between demon's blood and ...

-No.-she mumbled, not able to believe it was really happening.

-No.-

He realized she was aware of everything. A malicious grin appeared on his face.

-Welcome back, little sister. I hope you enjoyed my blood.-

She wanted to throw up immediately. She had drunk his blood, demon's blood. It didn't matter that she had been irrational when she had done it. And he enjoyed his victory over her more than she could bear to see.

-Move.-she growled, disgusted with the feeling of his body on hers.

-I see my blood filled you with energy.-he laughed.

-With enough of it to kill you.-she spat, trying to push him away.

-I doubt it, but you can always try.-his black eyes shone with amusement and mockery.

But after a second, he did as she had asked. He got up and moved away, not even offering his hand to help her to get up. He didn't care a bit about her and he would have felt nothing if she hadn't survived the change.

Her gaze looked for the other silhouette. She didn't even feel surprise when she recognized Victoria.

-Has he done anything to you?-she asked the other girl, not even wanting to imagine what Sebastian could have done to a mundane girl who couldn't defend herself from him.

Surprisingly, Victoria shook her head.

-He's done nothing to me.-she said and her voice still had that completely indifferent tone Clary remembered.

-Really, Clary, what kind of person do you think I am?-Sebastian interfered with note of fake innocence in his voice.

-A demon.-she said curtly, not giving him the pleasure of looking at him. Her gaze remained on Victoria's face.

-I'm the same as I was before you died.-the girl explained.

Clary was scared by both her words and her completely obvious lack of feelings.

_Is she completely lost?_ she wondered. _Is she almost the same as Sebastian now?_

She had hoped, not knowing exactly why, that Victoria could become the same as she had been before, the same girl that Jace was in love with. But, it was obvious that her state couldn't be undone.

-Are you on his side now?-she pointed at her brother, still not looking at him.

-To me, your side is the right side.-Victoria answered.

-But, I don't hate your brother like you do. I _can't_ hate him.-

Clary stared at the blond-haired girl with surprise.

_Has she just said she couldn't hate Sebastian?_ she was shocked. _Everybody who knows the difference between right and wrong can hate him. And Victoria claims she knows it. But, why isn't she trying to stop him, to kill him? Doesn't she understand what he will do to us if he defeats the Shadowhunters?_

-These were the most beautiful words I've ever heard.-her brother was laughing at her face.

Clary hated that laugh, just like she hated her brother whose fault this whole situation was.

-You will never hear anything nicer than this.-she spat.

-You don't deserve it.-

-I'd say you hurt my feelings, but Victoria has already pointed out I don't have them.-he grinned at Clary's confused expression.

-That happened while you were dead, little sister. You'll find it surprising and it will probably make you jealous, but I enjoy her company much more than yours.-

Clary wanted to answer something rude, probably about pitying the poor girl, but then Sebastian looked at Victoria.

He didn't seem like his usual self while watching her. There was still cruelty and malice in his features, but there was also something similar to hope, something that made his face look more like an angel's and less like demon's. His features relaxed, his eyes lost that brilliance of pure evil.

_But, it isn't possible._ Clary blinked, like she was trying to wake up from a dream. _Sebastian doesn't feel hope. It's too human emotion for him. When he wants something, he takes it. He doesn't wait for it to come to him._

But, although her brother obviously wanted something from this girl, he didn't force her to give it to him. Clary wondered what it could be and what had been happening while she was "out". But, she knew Sebastian would never tell her and Victoria either didn't know what it was or didn't think it was in her power to grant his wish.

But, then Sebastian's eyes separated from Victoria and looked at Clary. Every bit of the hope was lost and it made her wonder if it had all been her imagination or illusion made by her own hope that he could be changed.

-Alright now.-he said with an amused smile on his face.

-We have our messenger-girl. Now we're going to visit the vampires.-

-But, where ... -she interrupted her own question.

She remembered that cold dark place that radiated death. The place where Simon had been captured and where his process of becoming a vampire had begun. It was still their lair.

Hotel Dumort.

**I decided not to let Clary to rest in peace, she still has things to do in my story. As always, I thank you for all the support and hope you didn't mind the grammar too much :)**


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